You Say Christmas, I say Xmas

Yay for Christmas story! I think?

Breathtaking, laced, white snowflakes, merry, old, fake Santa Clauses, and melodious beats of joyful holiday tunes should have equaled a wonderful holiday extravaganza for any of the average Joe Schmoes that populated this little planet I liked to call Earth

Wow. What an impressively long and well worded sentence-turned-paragraph.
Let's cut this up shall we?
'Breathtakingly laced white snowflakes, merry old fake Santa's and melodious beats of joyful holiday tunes. They should've equalled a wonderful, truly merry holidy extravaganza for any Average Joe Schmoes.

Obviously, I was not the average Joe Schmo

No comma

Yes, I did know the proper name was Christmas, but Xmas just sounded cooler to me.

So this girl/guy says X-mas not Christ-mas?
Or just spell it that way? if she says it that's fine but if it's just the spelling don't bother with the clarification because it's pointless

I had screwed everything up—as usual

No hyphen just do a space

While yelling at an old man wearing a ridiculous Santa Clause hat that lighted up with an assortment of about fifty colors, I saw the murderer of my Christmas spirit shoot a smirk in my direction and open his idiotic mouth to say something I was sure would be just as idiotic as him.

Again, quite some sentence!
'While yelling at an old man wearing a ridiculous Santa Clause hat flashing with a fifty-colour-assortment of lights, I saw the murderer of my Christmas spirit shoot a smirk in my direction. I saw him open his mouth, preparing to say something to reflect his idiotic personality.

Yes, I guess I was being just a tad bit harsh on the guy. “Ray! Dude you need to seriously stop yelling at random people.

New line for dialogue.

“Hey. What’s up?” I forced myself to ask him.

"Hey, what's up?" I forced out.

Typically, I realized how much I liked Cecelia after I had lost her to Prince Jared.

No comma

What sucked the most was that I usually had a great time around Christmas.

Instead of 'that' put 'how'

Eventually, I noticed the convulsions in my leg were resulting from the cell phone I had stuffed in my old jeans. Preoccupied, I did not notice the number and foolishly threw my phone when I heard Cecelia’s frantic voice on the other end.

No commas after either first word

from my life!?!”

Just one ? does the job fine. Her words do the ! for you

I saw Jared laughing in contentment a few paces ahead of me

Isn't he her boyfriend?

--

This is quite cue. But everything is so slow in the beginning to fast at the end.
Also, new line for dialogue so readers cannot miss it. This has a good setting but I'm not feeling much. Is it freezing? Are they soaked with snow? Is it snowing? Icicles anywhere? Slippery roads?
Be specific! And read out those LONG sentences to yourself. That way you can see where a comma needs to be etc.
Good writing and this has a nice set of joyful characters

Hey there,

I really liked this piece. It was easy to read and just enjoyable.

There is one or two things that bug me though.

Breathtaking, laced, white snowflakes, merry, old, fake Santa Clauses, and melodious beats of joyful holiday tunes should have equaled a wonderful holiday extravaganza for any of the average Joe Schmoes that populated this little planet I liked to call Earth.

This sentence is way to long for my liking. I would write it: Breathtaking snowflakes, merry Santa clause and melodious holiday tunes should have equaled a wonderful Christmas. Well, maybe to any other Joe Schmo that populated this little planet called Earth.

That's really the only thing i can nit pick on. I really enjoyed reading it. I'd love to here what the outcome was.

Thanks for writing it.

Beck xx