.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I've already guessed what will happen next! But I won't tell! That's probably due to the name of chapter four in the end of this one, but still.
I was positively surprised. While reading, I waited, holding my breath, to the "it really did" parts to come up, but there weren't any! I only found one "I swear it did" in the first paragraph that had the same flatting impression than the "it really did"s, but other than that, it was clean. Great.
What's with the "oh"?
At first I thought you had typed the line twice accidentally, but then I noticed the different words. Couldn't you just make it "Could it be that someone or something was following me?" and prevent it sounding too repetitive?
The description is good in the first paragraph. It's not too heavy, but there's just enough of it. There's still one thing that disturbed me, though. Are they really so ignorant they can't tell a hickey and a wolf's bite apart? That's funny. Oh, and one more thing. In the part where he talks about the wolf before it attacks him, it sounds like he is weirdly attracted by the wolf. Not just because it's a mighty animal. He seems to think about it almost as a human! How "gorgeous" and "darn beautiful" she is. Like the wolf was his crush he never got or something. You know? Maybe it's just me, though.
Well, it seems that you have improved within the two chapters. Keep up! And PM me when the next one is available. Thanks!
Best wishes
Demeter xx
I just noticed that whole weird time lapse because of you. I'll definitely fix that up and I appreciate you fixing my little grammar errors. I can never find those in my own writing. Thanks so much for reviewing and enjoying it!!
Me again.
OK, first off, and I hate myself for this, the nit-picking.
"pin point" from the first paragraph, should be one word.
That's all I found.
One thing I don't get: If it's only 7 AM, how was he out all day? Maybe there's something I don't get, but that's what it seemed like to me.
Other than that, I really liked it. Once again, you've done a good job of keeping up the humor. PM me when the next part comes out, please.