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Young Writers Society



As the Sun Sets

by grimy89098


well i wrote this a few days ago, and as usual ive been to lazy to edit it any further than what i have.
ill prob end up givin it to my gf, but shes out of town at the moment, so i thought i might post it on here and see what you think :D

I dream some nights,
(that voice)
of walking across the beach,
(that beautiful aroma)
you with me,
(those amazing eyes)
under the orange streaked sky,
(that lifting embrace)
as the sun sets.
(your love)

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287 Reviews

Points: 1650
Reviews: 287

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Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:19 pm
Maki-Chan wrote a review...



i like the way you used (_) after a phrase. It was like he was saying the phrase and then thinking of the part in the (_). This really drew me in and is written nicely; however I have seen WAY too many of these peoms that compare live with a setting sun or a rising sun, but with all that said I still like this. I am a sucker for the mooshy love poems. Your GF with like this ^_^





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