Published May 2, 2011
Brutal honesty!
It comes without asking.
Every statement I've made-
not retracting.
No apologies for my lack of discretion.
It's pathetic!
The only reason you accept me is because
I'm rejected by all.
My status means nothing.
I guess I'm just not that worth discussing.
What am I to you?
Who are you to me?
Is this the consequence of a second rate
friendship?
By some happy coincidence, we were linked
together.
Thought our ties could never be severed.
But, I'm nothing but a face and a name.
So, it's no surprise that I look at you all the same.
Is it because I have nothing to show for,
that I feel so blatantly ignored?
No one sees and no one cares.
My picture just hangs with a blank stare.
I try to reach out, but you don't respond.
It makes me wonder if something is wrong.
Or, maybe you find something wrong with me.
There is no point in wondering why.
I don't have to leave to say goodbye.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
hey, I care about you!
I know where you're coming from though. everyone feels like this at one point.
but you're not worthless or anything. Obviously you're pretty talented at writing poetry!
Keep writing and hang in there.
Hello there,
Firstly I must say your stanza's are all very mixed up and disjointed which messed up the flow and made the poem not as spectacular as it would have been had you avoided that mistake. Still I really liked this and I enjoyed reading this thoroughly I particularly liked reading the first stanza because of the impressive emotional and poetic words you used to create it. Overall this was really good and I can't find any major issues with this. I also like the title because it related to the poem which was really good! Well done and keep on writing.
From CuteJackRussell
Hi greg925,
I found your structuring a tad strange here:
I don't understand why you put 'friendship' and 'together' in a new line. Is it to keep the lines from looking too long? If so, I think that you might need to reword the line a bit. Play around with the words a bit. Take a word out and replace it with another and see how it looks. Or maybe even cut some words out and change the order of some words. Whatever it takes.
Also can I suggest that you maybe do a little 'show and not tell'? Since in the whole poem you're telling us things. I think a little show would make the poem more interesting.
That's all. Keep writing!
Hi! I'm Tear!
"that" isn't really nessesary.First of all, I found it odd how all of the stanzas were written in a bit of a different form. Sometimes the poem lost it's flow.
I felt that the periods kind of made me pause, which also made for a lack of flow. But that's just me. ^_^
Anyway, I enjoyed reading!
~Tear