Published March 25, 2011
Give away another memory.
Remove another wound.
Sadness withering away the joy that tries to bloom.
I feel cold
No one knows
Empty feelings come and go
Promises and broken trust that fill my head with doubt
Maybe I'm afraid to let the pain drift out
I move on
I stay calm
Hide until the pain is gone
Lately I'm beside myself-pretending I don't hurt
Faded wounds of passed misfortunes-reopened to be sure
I can't feel.
Is this real?
Will these scars ever heal?
Words upon a stone remain-mark an ended life.
Damned if I don't remove the darkness and walk into the light
Life is short
Nothing's sure
Always wanting a little more.
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140,959 Literary Works • 673,783 Reviews
Hi there. Lavvi in to review.
You know, this was kind of interesting. It was on the verge of emotional, but not quite. It was the gray area.
Ha ha ha. Yeah, I'm a little tired right now
Anyway, the rhyming was lovely and the beats seemed to be consistent throughout, unless I missed something quite obvious. Which could be the case. Famous last words, right?
I'm glad you didn't totally go all depressed in the poem because a lot of people do that. I'm not saying that it's bad, I'm just stating that it's becoming a little unoriginal. A little, though. I don't mean to offend if that's what you like writing.
You target well this "gray area" feeling.
Lavvi
I like the structure, I don't have much of a critique, but I do like the structure.