Published March 18, 2011
What a wasted wreck of being this is.
Transparent flesh and lifeless eyes.
A temple in which the secrets are masked with bold-faced lies.
A mind running rampant with scatterbrained thought and ugly form.
A body spent and a soul torn
The matters of life are torn and blotted out with repression and rage.
Brooding with rage and discontentment of life as it is, and no hope for a better tomorrow.
We all have sins that need forgiving.
Goals and ambitions that need living.
Do you hold a worthy position?
Are you living or are you just existing?
Death is nothing more than escape.
I pray to God, my soul he'll take.
I've drunk too much and said too little.
There is no meaning to this riddle.
Say a prayer, sing a hymn, get yourself together and try and try again.
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
try something dark like death
HI there.
I'm not quite sure what I think of this poem. On one hand I dislike it and on the other I do.
My problem with it is the flow. It's just odd and disjointed (Which probably made sense since you were drunk!) You need to work on smoothing it out a bit and working on the flow.
However I love the use of language and basic idea and content of it. It's dark and even morbid in places, but I really love it.
So keep working at it.
I'm actually thinking of changing the title. Yeah, you're right the title makes no sense for this poem. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
it's kind of depressing which is emo so i loved it
but the name doesn't work for the darkness in this
Well, I was drunk when I wrote this, so that would explain alot. I was aiming for how sometimes happiness only comes in small doses. But, I can see how that's not the case here. I guess I don't really know what I was going for. I found it last night and posted it. Not my best work, I know.
Hey.
I don't really like the poem, but that might be my natural apathy towards poems that condemn present civilization. Oops.
The meter is irregular, the rhymes break off in odd places and the very sentences leak of anger and ill-concealed pain. If this was what you aimed at, well, success!
Okay, I'm sorry, that was kinda mean.
It's good for an emo poem.
- Alex
P.S. The word 'alpha' is generally used to refer to the top position, or somebody who occupies it. It is also the first letter in the Greek alphabet. How does this correspond to the poem itself, which talks about pain and misery? Is it about the pain and misery that comes of being top dog all the time? I'm curious.