*****editted finally. so less is more now =]]
Standing,
Ready,
Deep breathes
now.
The crowd roars;
At their feet,
one chance
one shot
one opportunity,
Never or Now.
A tie;
One shot decides,
The future dominates this moment,
Triumph or Failure,
Cheers or Tears;
It’s all you.
Heart racing,
Beats resound,
Unbearable;
Charge;
NOW!
The ball soars off your foot;
silence.
The whole world holds its breath;
too long,
too much,
The goalie dives
now.
Too late.
The ball rockets into the top, right corner;
The net ripples an ocean wave,
A perfect shot;
amazing
now.
Finally,
breathe;
The crowd erupts.
Cheers replace Fears.
Triumph
now.
At long last,
VICTORY
NOW!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Better! i like it, not so many nows.
I think it had a greater effect with the less nows.
There is one more thing i'd like to add though. After where it says it's all you,
maybe take the now out to build up more suspense? I don't know. Just suggesting but you're the writer here! But it's better!
hey hey. I liked it but I think you should take out some of the nows and move the lines after the semicolons to a new line. It would probably be better to switch some of the nows with something different, more exciting. but i like how it hold suspense and makes you want and need to keep reading. It really is a great poem though and it has great potential!
You should mix it up, make it jazz and flow better. The word now is used too much and makes it wayy to repetitive. Maybe try to use a different word.
The punctuation could be better. The meaning is okay and clear but you could make it a little more detailed and specific.
I like who you have it short but you make it suspenseful as though asking, 'what's going to happen?' I had to read it twice to soak it all in.
It was a good job but maybe you can edit ti and make it even better.
Ok so you wanted me to read it and I read it. I liked it but there are a few suggestions I'd like to make if I may. First off, I'd take away some of the nows. Maybe just keep the ones that are bolded, they'll have more effect that way. And instead of semi colons maybe just move it to the next line. This is something someone told me once, maybe it'll work for you:
Punctuation. You do have full stops, I saw, but there are no commas in places where I'd put some and generally there's not a lot of punctuation.
Punctuating your poetry is important, because it gives you the power to determine how it s read. Punctuating is like drawing landmarks on a map. You determine where the reader makes a pause, where he connects one line directly to the next.
So hopefully this helped. You really wanted me to so....