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18+ Mature Content

Vice President Larry is Sworn In

by greatwhitespork

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Larry, you're about to be sworn in. Please put down the "Penthouse" magazine. Put it down, Larry. Busty Brianna can wait...LARRY! Thank you. Ok, now put your hand on the Bible, Larry. No, Larry, not in your pants, on the Bible. Michelle Obama is married, Larry. Please put--thank you. Ok, now, you can do it.

Repeat after me, Larry: "I, Larry, do solemnly swear..." LARRY! We are on national TV! Please do not use such language! Honestly, Larry! That is most certainly NOT what "solemnly swear" means! Good Lord! Now let's continue: "...that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States...against all enemies, foreign and domestic..." What was that? Well, Larry, the word "foreign" means to be coming from, or to be of, a characteristic of a language or country other than one's own. Well, yes...I suppose that since Justin Bieber originates from Canada, that does include him.

Shall we resume? "...that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same--" Larry, for the last time, put away that magazine. Thank you. As we were: "...that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion...and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties--" GOODNESS GRACIOUS! LARRY! NO! THAT IS NOT THE MEANING OF "DISCHARGE"! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LARRY, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON! Is this being censored??! Thank God! LARRY! ZIP YOUR FLY! Forget it. This can't get any worse. Just say "so help me God", Larry, so we can get this done and over with.......What? You' atheist.

Will somebody please shoot me? Oh, but before they do, Secretary Brown? Could you cancel Larry's "Penthouse" and "Playboy" subscriptions for me? Thank you so much. Now I can rest in peace.

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130 Reviews

Points: 2109
Reviews: 130

Sun Jun 29, 2014 4:08 pm
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ScarletDreams14 wrote a review...

Oh gods, this was hilarious! I found the humor funny and different. Most people wouldn't but I like humor like this.
You've earned yourself a like, it was interesting, funny, and captivating.

Larry might want to become a mailman instead of president.

Good work this was really funny!

Paragraph two and four we're the best. I especially like the comment about Justin Bieber.
I'm an atheist, so I did find the 3rd paragraph hilarious. I also hate Justin Bieber so this was perfect for me. Great work! Really worth my time, I love it.

There's no grammar or punctual mistakes. Really great job, write more like this. I'd love to read your future work so whenever you write something new notify me.

Thumbs Up!

Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde

Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

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184 Reviews

Points: 36
Reviews: 184

Sat Jun 21, 2014 1:03 am
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RoyalHighness wrote a review...

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Okay, I'm usually not one for crass humor, but this had me grinning from start to finish.
You are really good at making the dialogue sound like natural speech, something that's really hard for even famous writers to handle. You make it look so easy, too! Great job!
The only thing I'd have to nitpick is that you need spaces after your ellipses. My readers know I'm the worst when it comes to this rule, but apparently it's a big deal.
I like how flawed you make the speaker sound, and how goofy Larry's character is. This sort of reminds me of Monty Python or Abbott and Costello kind of humor. It's great! You've written it well, you've written it humorously and I can't wait to see what else you write for us!
Overall, I give this work seven stars out of ten, because I'm not a huge fan of crude humor in the first place, but gosh darn it you've written this really really well!

Corncob says...

I am in agreement.

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7 Reviews

Points: 286
Reviews: 7

Fri Jun 20, 2014 1:55 pm
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Hamsa says...

Hey! Hamsa here :)

That was awesome! It was so funny. I personally love theatre and do a bit of acting myself and I could really picture someone just standing there saying it. In fact I'd love to do it myself ;)

Great job - can't wait to read more :) x

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158 Reviews

Points: 3874
Reviews: 158

Wed Jun 18, 2014 4:54 pm
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Corncob says...

Haha! A bit confusing, yes, but sometimes scripts can be. Very funny and creative! I loved the part about JB, very clever. Funny! Keep writing! xo

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530 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 530

Wed Jun 18, 2014 1:32 pm
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Renard wrote a review...

I would have rated this work 18+ personally, because of what you are writing about and the way you are saying it.

Firstly, I don't know what happened to the formatting in this piece, or whether you organised it to be like that... but it makes for terrible reading because everything is jammed together and it looks really unfriendly to the eye. Now... for the formal part of the review.

Good Points

1. Dealing with controversial subject content in a (fairly) mature way
2. Contrast betweeen the Bible and euphemism
3. It's actually quite funny. XD

Improvement Points

2. Some of the dialogue is a little bit corny and needs to be up to date and fresh
3. The ending is over a bit quickly and the work itself is short (or maybe this is just the formatting.)

Keep writing

Thank you for the suggestions. Now that I look at it, I can totally see your point. I will edit it!

Cool. Glad I could help. :D

He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche

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