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Young Writers Society



The Outside

by greaterthenus


They always said she could be something big,

And then they took it right back by spitting in her face and breaking her down

They always told her to hold her chin up and she'd never fall.

Well they lied on that, along with everything else

 

She always was a little bitter

Holding onto everything that went wrong.

She always seemed a little bitter

Always giving up to soon and now....

 

She cant help but feel

That shes on the outside(oh oh oh)

Alone and broken

astraned from everyone else

Maybe if she picked herself up she would find.

That shes not on the outside. 

 

He walked a bit slower then everyone else.

Holding onto what could've been

If he'd let go and look it all then maybe....just maybe 

he wouldnt have fallen

 

He always was a little bitter

Holding onto everything that went wrong.

He always seemed a little bitter

Always giving up to soon and now..

 

he cant help but feel

That hes on the outside(oh oh oh)

Alone and broken

astraned from everyone else

Maybe if he picked himself up he would find.

That hes not on the outside. 

 

It took time

but baby they found each other

It tool a while

but honey their greater

together then they were alone....

 

And Now

 

They no longer feel

like they're on the outside

Alone and broken

Astraned from everyone else

They picked each other up and now they found

Oh now they found.

now they found that they're.....

not on the outside.

not-not on the outside



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37 Reviews


Points: 731
Reviews: 37

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Mon Dec 31, 2012 1:19 am
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Rarity wrote a review...



Hey dove! I like the words a lot. I like how it's a cliche "boy meets girl" scenario but you made it different. The down side of reviewing lyrics is that you can't hear the music. I would have liked to know how the song played out. Even though it is a song, grammar still counts. Just remember to use apostrophes in contractions. Look over the third stnza for three incorrect contractions. You also need to add in periods and other punctuation marks. Well done overall!

Rarity




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Points: 645
Reviews: 2

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Sat Oct 20, 2012 3:08 am
WGirl says...



This poem was amazing! So heartfelt and beautiful!
Keep on writing, you're a great writer
-WGirl




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5 Reviews


Points: 873
Reviews: 5

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Sun Oct 14, 2012 2:47 pm
TemptingDreams wrote a review...



I read this poem, and then I saw your age...WOW. If your writing like this at 15...Who knows what you will be doing in the future?! Only time will tell, but I can see that you will only get better and better, and by that rate your poetry will be presented to millions. All the best to you :)





Is that a carrot?
— WeepingWisteria