2. The Bi-gifted. About 35% of the people in the world are at this level, and it's fairly useful. For example: Super fast, super strong, can fly, levitate objects, read minds, etcetera.
3. The Tri-gifted. The most unusual level, and the strongest. People have more than one gift, or gifts ten times as powerful as usual: All the telagifts (telepathic, telekinesis, teleporting, and more) super fast, (sometimes faster than the speed of light) using natural powers (Fire, Water, Earth, Air) and many more.
If you aren't classified under one of the three levels by your eighteenth birthday, you die.
That's my problem. I'm seventeen years old, soon to be eighteen in two months, and I haven't been classified yet.
I think about it everyday. I used to never think about death, never even comprehend it's existence. That was before all my friends had been classified and shipped off to other schools. When I turned twelve, I started realizing something was wrong. My parents would wave away my concern, continually repeating, "Don't worry, you're just a late bloomer." When I was fifteen, they stopped answering. Instead, they would exchange worried looks when they thought I wasn't looking. After that, there were very few people I knew who hadn't been placed yet. Even my little brother, who was only seven, had been placed and now attends the Una-gifted Elementary School near the outskirts of the village. My best friend since I was a toddler, Alinia Longhorn, had been placed at the Bi-gifted Middle School when she turned eleven.
I waited for years and years for the day I would finally be placed, the day people wouldn't look at me with pity, and the day I didn't have to see my parents sad eyes every time they saw me, like they were mourning before I even died. The day I would join Even, or Alinia, or even go to Tri-gift High School and begin my life, without a worry that I would drop dead before I even had a life to live. Before I got to be an adult. Up until I was fourteen, I never thought being an outcast would apply to me. That was, until the boy across the street, the one I had always had a little girl crush on, dropped dead. He died the exact second he was born, and had been counting down to it in his sleep when it happened. I was at his funeral. That's when the possibility of not being chosen really hit me.
Since there wasn't a school for Unplaced children, I had been homeschooled since I was four, so my mom would do the placing test every afternoon, after I finished my lessons. The placing test involved taking a test, doing a quick paragraph on a random subject, a Pacer, lifting a large weight, and staring at a pencil for a minute. After that, I had to do another test, one that was never the same. I'd gotten used to the routine, but I had never done anything unusual. But at the same time, I'd never done anything Usual, either. I couldn't make the pencil float, roll, or write on it's own, I couldn't lift a weight twice my body weight, I couldn't run any faster than the common person, write a good paragraph, test good, or even get a animal who I'd never seen before to instantly trust me. I was just... nothing.
I got used to it, though. It was a normal day. Get up, get dressed, do my usual chores, go to my lessons, and, to complete the day, fail my Placing Test. That's why November the twenty-ninth was a day I'll always remember. But, it wasn't the day I was placed. It was the day I was kidnapped.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey Granger!
I think of the reasons I generally tend to dislike prologues is because of how tempting it can be to use them as an info-dump, and that is quite unflattering. I'm guessing there is going to be some big cool revelation as to why unclassified people die on their eighteenth birthday, but the info dump at the beginning followed by the statement that if you don't get classified you just die, seems a bit amaturish. That's not to say you're an amature, but it's just not a good way to start the novel.
I'm guessing it's something to do with a higher power taking control, since the whole classification process seems to be a formal thing rather than a natural thing, and since higher authorities aren't concerned about them dying enough to leave them out of school.
The best thing to do, rather than explain things as you have done, is to weave them into a text or story. How could you explain what is happening without actually dumping the information?
I like the situation with your mc's parents though, their growing concern for their child, and combining the thrill of coming of age with the fear of never actually reaching eighteen. Maybe you could set the scene by introducing your characters during a Placing Test. It will be a good way of getting into their heads, and the subtle dire nature of the test without actually mentioning why will drag your reader in right away.
You could also start the story by describing Alinia and what her life is like, as a way of creating contrast regarding what life should actually be like. Or maybe you could give a blind description of the kidnappers checking out her house or something, and weave into it the confusion to why they'd kidnap a kid who's going to die anyway.
Encorperate the details into a scene and it will entertain your reader a lot more and keep them going on to chapter one.
There is also the danger that a lot of people when they pick up a book tend to skim the prologue so they can jump straight in to chapter one, so if there is any crucial information in it then you'll need to echo it in a later chapter anyway.
I really like this piece! One suggestion I have for you is to ease into the beginning a little bit more, so that the reader understands that it's part of the story. Maybe the main character could be looking at a textbook or a flyer and reading the gifted information. Other than that your story is really good, and I can't wait to read the rest of it!
This is a very interesting idea you have here. I like the premise, your narrative is well written so I won't bother to knit-pick at it. This is a very powerful start, and you hook the reader right in. It makes me want to keep reading, especially at the last sentence.
I feel you should elaborate on certain things in your world, who runs the government? How far in the future is this? Is it even on Earth? Fill us in with some of those details. They will help make your story.
Also, you mention that she never lifted a weight twice her heft, and her mother does her testing. Does her mother go to a special facility for testing? It just seemed odd that she had a weight twice the size of her daughter, but this could be easily explained. Some readers might notice that and think it's a little off.
I want to read about the kidnapping, I want to know exactly what happened. Did her kidnapper have special powers? Where was she when she was taken? Just a few things to take into consideration.
This one is kind of knit-picky. I don't like how the one guy just drops dead. I think you could make your government out to be really nasty guys if you have them euthanize or assassinate the Unplaced. That would lead to some really cool action and it would make a great plot tool. But, this is your story, that's just a suggestion.
Great job! I loved this, and I would definitely read more given the chance. Keep writing!
I don't really have much to say, other than that this is really good.
Hey there! I'm Crysi, and I'll be reviewing your piece today.
I have to admit, at first I thought I knew where this was going. "Yeah, yeah, the protagonist will probably end up Tri-gifted, having all these great powers and all that." And sure, maybe she will. But I can see there's more to the story than that.
I really like how you explain how she felt through the years of not being placed. I also like how different people are placed at different ages -- it's not just a Harry Potter thing, where you get a letter at 11. I think you have a very interesting idea here!
One thing I would like to see is one or two non-cliche powers -- unless this story isn't about the powers at all, which is entirely possible. I know it's hard to think of things that aren't used in other fantasy/sci-fi novels (trust me, I'm having the same issue), but I think it would be cool to have something fresh. Even if it's something small, like... I don't know... tracing light with your finger. (See? I'm bad at this.)
Anyway, what I liked most about this was your ending. I was totally expecting her to talk about the day she was placed, or the day before she would die, or something -- but you came out of nowhere with the kidnapping. Very cool. Good job.
This definitely has promise! I look forward to reading more.
I really like it, shows alot of potential. I love the little twist at the end, it makes me want to keep reading.