remind me that i am alive

Hey there, Buzz here to review!

I see you're a new member so you probably haven't sorted out the formatting yet as highlighted below nevertheless you have a pretty good poem going on here.

"soaked in rain I ache for a contemplative thought but all I get is chilled to the bone like a mannequin after hours at the local shopping center. my emotions are shallow rivers and I am surrounded by people who don't like to swim"

These sentences would read better if they were in stanzas and split up into shorter sentences which may add a bit of length.

Your sentence starts off with, "soaked" i know you're referring to yourself but It should be stated as it's the opening.

"all I get is chilled to the bone like a mannequin after hours at the local shopping center.

I like the way you described how cold you were and the freezing state you were in.

"my emotions are shallow rivers and I am surrounded by people who don't like to swim"

This was a powerful final line, it held a lot of meaning and emotion, also created imagery which went well with the overall poem. Well done, definitely keep writing.

-Buzz

Hello, and welcome to YWS! First of all, formatting! It makes your poetry a lot easier to read. So something like:

Soaked in rain
I ache for a contemplative thought
but all i get

and so on....

So now lets get into the actual poem -

"soaked in rain I ache for a contemplative thought but all I get is chilled to the bone"

I like it. Reflects the mental process quite well.

"like a mannequin after hours at the local shopping center"

Don't like it. I can kind of guess what you are going for, but is not easy on the mind.

"my emotions are shallow rivers and I am surrounded by people who don't like to swim"

My emotions are shallow rivers, huh? Pretty cliche. I like the figurative speech, but past that, not so much.

Good job! Keep writing.

Timmy here for a review!

So this was a great opening poem for you to start off in YWS!! Looks like this is your first day here, so Welcome! You will find this a great place to post all kinds of work!!

So I will just hit a few things really quick!

So this seems like a poem, and flows like one, but isn't in poem format... I don't know if that was intentional or not, but putting it in that format will make everything flow beautifully.

soaked in rain ---This seems like a first line, but doesn't flow like one... Maybe My emotions are soaked in rain? Just a thought...

like a mannequin after hours at the local shopping center. ---That metaphor didn't work for me. It doesn't match the rest of the poem

my emotions are shallow rivers and I am surrounded by people who don't like to swim ---This is my favorite part. An excellent ending

Hi! Tsholdin here for a review!

I like this as just a statement, but I don't really see this as a poem. It is more like two run-on sentences in my eyes.
But it is very beautiful and meaningful. I can tell that emotion is behind this. I would love to see more of what you write.

May your days be successful and meaningful,
-TH