Okay so I really like your poem, I just can’t help but say that it’s kind of all clumped together right now. Think of your poem as someone on an airplane, all it and they want to do is stretch out, so here are my few suggestions!
I thnk these two lines only need to be one, seeing as how they follow a similar line that is two examples filled into one line.Past sorrow
And joy.
I think you need to make "Watch the river flow" a new paragraph, remember, your poem needs to be stretched outAnd joy.
Watch the river flow
Same thing here, I think you should make "Watch as the river makes its way" the start of your third paragraph.and forget the things that make you sad.
Watch as the river makes its way
I love the entire poem, I dont think you should change any of your word choices, except for emotion. It just doesnt end the piece on a good tone, if that makes any sense at all. I suggest a different word, a more powerful word if you will...and carries away emotion.
Keep on writing!
~SnowBerry
Points: 1834
Reviews: 74
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