Cover art for Shattered Gravity - FINALE「𖤓」

Shattered Gravity - FINALE「𖤓」

by goodolnoah

Published May 11, 2024

16+

In Shattered Gravity

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

PreviousNext

「𖤓」Lost by the World「𖤓」

Kitty Intro on Vimeo

Previous Chapter Summaries:

「𖤓」PT 1: Kitty and Fi-So in present day are sent to dimension O-090 to prevent the destruction of the dimension. They have taken refuge at a poor farmland. While out, Kitty learns of a dangerous chemical called moonsmoke. After a warning from their supervisor, Angel and prodding from Fi-So, Kitty reveals that she’s been prolonging their visit because they are in her original dimension.

「☽」PT 2: 6 years before present events, Kitty is fighting for a rebellious military force known as Les Cavaliers, against the king’s forces, La Masse. Her little brother, Tora, solves puzzles on a digital database known as The Library. He gets a mysterious message from someone named Baptiste.

「𖤓」PT 3: Kitty and Fi-So take the elevator to Leo Sector, the highest sector that presides above all others. The rich visit a casino and watch the ongoing war between La Masse, the king’s forces and the rebellious force known as Les Cavaliers on giant screens for their own entertainment, this spurs Kitty’s PTSD. After a run-in with some of the denizens of Leo, Kitty rewires a slot machine, earning the money to take a ride down to Mallard Sector, where she grew up.

「☽」PT 4: Kitty falls deeper into war. After killing her first soldier, she begins to realize the true horrors of the war. Over months, she is promoted to captain of her own squad within Les Cavaliers. Tora begins to deepen his relationship with Baptiste, revealed to be Prince Panda Baptiste of the royal family. They meet in the digital realm through virtual reality vision. Over months, they work to flesh out the “reality” of the library. Panda speaks to him about his family. It turns out he hid the chemical of moonsmoke from his father in order to stop an outbreak in chemical warfare. Over months, they begin to love eachother deeply.

「𖤓」PT 5: Kitty and Fi-So enter Mallard Sector, to find it has become highly industrialized by La Masse and King Baptiste. Kitty, worried that others will recognize her, has Fi assist in gaining information about the changes over the last years. They learn of a doctor who can cure moonsmoke. After Fi meets the doctor, who turns out to be Panda Baptiste, who has escaped from home. Panda meets Kitty. He calls her Tora. Bringing her identity into question. Kitty is finally forced to reveal all about her past to her loved ones.

「☽」PT 6: Kitty is infected by the drug known as Moonsmoke in battle. It attacks her mind and makes her go insane. After Tora finds out that Kitty is MIA, he travels to the king’s castle to find him. Only to find Panda has run away. The king personally drafts Tora into the La Masse forces. A doctor helps him find Kitty. Tora meets her, only to find her mind has been broken. They are both knocked out in their encounter. Because Tora’s body was destroyed, but his brain was intact, and Kitty’s brain was destroyed, but her body was intact, Panda and others enacted a procedure to put Tora’s brain inside of Kitty. Once Tora, in Kitty’s body gains consciousness, he’d already been found and scouted by DRU.

PT 395, Dimension 0-090

Kitty was crying into Fi’s shoulder as she finished her story.

“So…I was taken by Ms. Nirvana. She is one of DRU’s agents. Supposed to scout for new members. Fi and I are part of the Dimension Regulation Unit. It is our job to protect dimensions from chaos and destruction. I was chosen because as far as the world knew, both Kitty and Tora Alua were dead. My sis was always the strong one. I’ve always been weak. I couldn’t fight, nevermind even get out of bed. But she always got up when she was thrown down. Always fighting, she woke up everyday with a good outlook on life. Sure, she was a little thoughtless, but she approached life ready to put up a fight. So I’ve been trying to do my best to be just like my sister. But…I still couldn’t get over my fear. I still wasn’t ready to face my old world. I’ve been trying to be as strong as Kitty. I’m doing a horrible job.”

“Tora…I…” Panda started.

“I told you not to call me that.” Kitty interjected.

“That’s why you’re so good with this world’s tech. Why’d you leave the hobby behind?” Fi asked.

“Any motivation I had for that was gone. I focused on my sis. At DRU, it’s a war everyday, Fi! I could only kill those people when I believed I was my sister. If I think the same way she did, if I put the same work in that she did, I can fight just like her.”

Kitty looked utterly defeated. She sunk into the worn out couch with all the color in her face sucked out of her. This “Tora” version of Kitty was clearly Tora. Her movements and facial twinges were just like Tora’s, but her body was Kitty’s. The “Kitty” version of herself was so much brighter and bubbly. Tora was fully engrossed in this farce. After awakening these locked away memories, she had lost that color; that life.

Fi was fuming. “Doc…what the fuck did you do to Kitty? How can you ask for answers when you are clearly the one who owes them to her?!”

“Can you not see? I switched their minds.”

Kitty interjected. “Why? Why’d you do that to my sister?”

“Kitty’s mind was gone. She was too strong to keep down even with that tranquilizer. It gave me enough time to switch your minds. It was all I could do to save you! I’ve been working tirelessly to fix my mistakes. So much so that I found a cure for moonsmoke! Now my life is on a ticking clock. I can’t end the war, but I can atone for my mistakes.”

“What you’ve done isn’t enough.” Kitty said heartlessly. “Moonsmoke needs to stop. You’ll die, and then cases will go up. The dent won’t be felt.”

“You still couldn’t do shit to stop Kitty from being taken with your father’s leash around you. Are you really that scared of him?” Fi hissed.

“My father has only grown in strength. I heard you call it a “Radio core.”

“How do you know about that?”

“It’s what it wanted to be called.”

“We’re looking for it. You don’t understand the danger you are in if your father has anything to do with Radio!” Fi exclaimed “With DRU, it’s our job to destroy those. It’s why we are here in the first place. There will be no war if Radio is allowed to spread, and I know damn well that virus won’t kill you fast enough.”

“Well then what are we doing?!” Panda shouted.

Fi stood up, ready to leave. Kitty had moved out of her seat, to the door of Tora’s room. She stood with her body slacked back, staring at the door.

“Hey. Are you ready to go?”

“Just one sec.”

Something in Fi’s pocket began to ring. It was the pod that their DRU advisor spoke to them through. They stepped outside, and pushed Panda to help Kitty.

By the time Panda had gotten to Kitty, she had opened the door to Tora’s old room. To her surprise, everything was still on. In the middle of the room was Panda’s device he used to enter the virtual world. The room was a little more tidied up.

“You took over my room? What happened to the library?”

“It remained a closely kept secret. We were never able to see our vision through.”

Panda came to Kitty, who was immobile. He put his hands on her shoulders. Staring into the face of Tora’s sister.

“I know this conversation isn’t over. I’m not dying without talking it out. You must get up, Tora…” He fell into a brief silence before correcting himself. “Kitty, if you really want to be Kitty, that’s okay. When I look at you, I see the mannerisms and intelligence of the man I love, in his sister’s body. No matter what you do, please, choose yourself.” He insisted.

Kitty shook from Panda’s grasp and headed outside. Fi’s voice was heard muffled from outside as they approached the door. “Jeezus fuck, Angel! Leave us the hell alone, it’s getting taken care of!”

Angel was red with rage. “I don’t know what the hell is taking you all so long, this core is about to blow! Find it before I step in and you are wiped off the fucking record!”

“We know where it is. We’re taking care of it. Stop worrying.”

“If we get any closer to a dimensional crisis, I’m stepping in, and I’ll have your asses.” Angel threatened as he disappeared. Fi’s eyes burned with annoyance over Angel’s impatience, but they brushed it aside.

“What does he mean by dimensional crisis?” Panda murmured.

“The end of the world.” Fi said as they slipped their plague mask over their face.

________________________________________________________________________

Fi and Kitty walked side by side. With Panda trailing behind them. Fi held Kitty’s hand tightly, nearly dragging her along with them towards the king’s castle.

“This is supposed to be easy…We don’t have enough time…”She said weakly.

“So then what?! Let the world burn? Sorry, Kitty. We gotta nip this in the bud ASAP.”

“We need time to prepare! My father and his army will destroy us if we blindly charge in there!” Panda shouted.

“We don’t have a fucking choice!” Fi’s voice cut through the air.

A voice boomed through Leo Sector, crackling like lightning. “Panda!”

The group skidded to a stop. Soldiers lined up like chess pieces in front of them. Every man held a gun and a sword at his side. Pumped out like robots in a conveyer belt. They chanted and shouted in a buzzing of anti-Les Cavaliers sentiments. Fi stepped in front of Panda and Kitty. Their black hair color flickering with the heavy wind.

“I’m gonna use it, Kitty.”

“It’s not worth it.”

the king’s voice echoed through the air like an explosion. “See that, soldiers? My son and his friends have finally decided to grow a pair and show up! But we are not the type to fall to terrorists! Shove them into line. Even if they stop moving!”

Bang.

Fi’s lower stomach was blown open with a bullet. Their skin ripping, tearing, but not shattering. The bullet didn’t go through them.

“I was pretty pissed off when you were making us hang in this dimension, Kitty. Not cause we were disobeying orders, but because I knew damn well I’d grow attached to it. I’ll protect those farmers in the depths, from assholes like this who stomp on their land just to push their fucking agendas and kill people, just because they’ve got nothing better to do. Make trouble long enough, and it’ll come around.”

The soldiers standing before Fi opened fire. Lining their body with bullets as they held out their arms, letting all the bullets tear into their flesh. Everything was blurry, their consciousness fading and fading.

Their black hair turned a bright blonde. The air was distorted with a bright light that imbued their body with massive amounts of power. The bullets rocketed out of their body like cannon-fire. Rippling through the crowd of unsuspecting men. Some turned and ran, others towards Fi, and a brief rattling of the skull. The first soldier to get close to them was splattered across the pavement, their bones and skin shattered beyond recognition.

“If you wanna die, step up!” They roared.

Panda grabbed Kitty’s hand, and they ran around the swarm of soldiers. It was like the men were being thrown into a blender. Panda had never seen anything like it, the destruction Fi could cause. The soldiers were in their way, yes, but Panda hoped that some would do the smart thing, and run. They had to squeeze through soldiers, who were so distracted by Fi’s wrath that they didn’t even get the chance to attack.

Panda grabbed Kitty’s knife from her side and used it to slice the chains that guarded the king’s castle, they stumbled through the door, Kitty’s deadweight forced the two of them to the ground. She sat against the inside of the door with her knees to her face.

“Fuck!” Panda shouted. “Get up! We have to destroy this core thing before my world is destroyed! I get it, you can warp out of here whenever you want, right? So I bet it isn’t that big of a deal for you! I have to probably kill my Dad! How do you think I feel! Please help us out and snap out of whatever’s going on!”

Kitty sat up and took the knife from Panda’s hand. She stepped forward, about to head for the king’s throne room. “That’s the thing, I hate this. I hate fighting, I hate everything that I have to do as a slave to DRU. I know the king is bad, but now I have to end his life. He’s not the first who has died by my blade. When I took Kitty’s personality, it was all who I was.”

Kitty walked away from a shrunken Panda.

“Go to your room and figure out a way to beat him, I’ll hold him off.”

“He’ll kill you.”

“He’ll have to cut my head off. Or get rid of Tora’s brain. He’s a pretty smart guy, I think he’ll be fine.”

Panda smiled, only to immediately be shot with a feeling of heartbreak as he watched her walk forward.

"Is this Tora’s last straw?" He thought.

________________________________________________________________________

Kitty entered the chamber of King Baptiste. It was adorned with a stunning glass ceiling, with statues of Byakko holding an assorted collection of weapons lining the walls, placed in perfect symmetrical order on the red carpet. At the end of the room, Baptiste sat on the throne. Staring down at Kitty. Even sitting, he towered over her. He was adorned with the colors of the Byakko, colored like some sort of god, colored with the same blue that Byakko was depicted with. His crown stood tall upon his body, and his large, flowing red cape only extended his height.

“You had an ace up your sleeve, huh? Cute. I never thought I’d see you again. Your sister was a great fighter and general. I’ll give her that. But she died. Just like the rest.”

“Why do you keep this war going? I’ve always wondered. Why not put a stop to it by uniting our people?” Kitty asked, expecting a crude answer.

“It’s about sending a message, tiger. That the king stays king, and that’s that. You start to be pretty confident about war when you have a blessing from god.” He responded.

“What makes you say that?”

“God gave me the key to life itself. The beginning and end of this universe. All from Byakko himself. Walk with me. I have no need to fight you right now. Everything takes care of itself in due time.” He sneered.

They walked through a door behind his throne. Into a huge preservation room. There was a circular catwalk with golden rails surrounding a huge, glowing red chunk of rock in the middle.

It was the most colossal Radio core that Kitty had ever seen. “What the fuck does he think he’s doing?” Kitty asked herself.

“It has been growing in size, a true gift from the gods. It powers the entire Leo district. So we can use draco for more…recreational matters.” The king sat over the ledge, staring proudly at his “gift”. He was deep in thought, until he turned to Kitty with a smile on his face. “You have come here to kill me, haven’t you?”

“I know sis would’ve offed you already if she could’ve. Your gift is going, too.”

“You want to destroy this?”

“I get you are too dense to even recognize what this is, but it is threatening your world. It’ll destroy your dimension if you let it grow any bigger. I get you love the idea of benefiting off your gift for as long as possible, but this is a radio core. It’s an entity that takes over dimensions. Do you really want your whole world to perish!?”

Baptiste disregarded this. “Byakko won’t let that happen. If it’s time for the world to end, it’ll be willed by the gods. I’m no deity, but it is my job to send his message.” The king walked slowly down the catwalk, and towards the radio core. He placed his hand on the rock. It began to glow vibrantly. Like a crude suit of armor, his body was engulfed in a wax-like red. He lunged at Kitty. Moving at inhuman speeds for a man his size. He knocked her through the door they had just come in and back into the throne room.

“See this? God accepts my message!” King Baptiste gloated.

Snap.

And again, snap, snap. the king’s bones began to break and contort themselves as his voice was snuffed out by the vibrant red material covering him. He stood with his head slacked over to the side, choking out through his collapsed windpipe. His newly empty eyes were covered by red like an unfinished wax sculpture.

“Radio. Is that you?” Kitty wondered, putting on her brave face.

His voice was crackly. The words sounded like the king’s, but with an underlying tone that clearly shaped him into someone else. It sounded like a garbled phone recording.

“That’s a real plot twist…” He hissed. “This is your home dimension? It almost makes me not want to swallow it whole.”

This was not Kitty’s first time meeting Radio. However, it was her first time in a confrontation with them. They moved, acted, and talked like a demon, an imitation of the devil on one’s shoulder. Kitty brushed off Radio’s playful banter. “It’s been a long day. Let’s just end this.”

“Tora-kun. I don’t think that’s fair. I feel like some sympathy is to be had for your poor soul. We’re friends, after all. I made a deal with your King here. I have his soul, along with the soul of all the dead soldiers who have offered themselves to this cause. One more soul, and this dimension is as good as mine. Just a couple more deaths, or a couple more deals, and this is over. You’ve never seen a dimension end. Sorry it has to be your own. Unless you pledge your soul to me, perhaps I will spare this dimension.”

“Hell no.” She quickly fired back. “I’m not doing this your way.”

“You don’t even want to hear me out? Fine then, see if I care. How do you think your dimension will taste?” He created a fabricated toothy grin, contorting the king’s face like a cartoon character.

Down the hall, Panda stumbled out of his room, with materials in hand, he stuffed them into a bag and ran towards the king’s throne room. He kicked the door down.

“Dad!” He cried.

When he opened the door, the windows from above were already shattered. There was nobody in the room. Except the smell of blood. It dripped down the statue of Byakko holding a sword.

Kitty was pierced through the sword, her skin failing to remake itself around the hole. She shifted in and out of consciousness, mumbling wordless expressions at Panda. the king, in his normal form, stepped from behind the throne. His eyes were dead.

“Sorry, son. Your fling is over. We need to move on from this.”

“Father! We have to stop this! The world is going to end if you keep that red rock! I know you don’t like me, or anything Tora and I did, but this needs to stop!”

“I already strung up your boy-toy. How about we come to an agreement?” Panda furrowed his brow. Pulling his bag close.

“What?”

“I’ll end this stupid war. What’s there to gain for Leo Sector anymore? We’re doing good with what we’ve got. Of course we’ll keep taking money from the poor, but at least no more war! How’s that sound? I’ll even chop down that red rock. That sounds like a good deal, doesn’t it?”

“Why are you doing all this?”

“Why? Because I can, son. You have to grow to learn that people like me can do whatever the fuck we want. So here, shake my hand. Make it formal.”

“Panda…Don’t…” Kitty choked.

“I…You’re a maniac, father.” Panda mumbled regrettably as he took his hand. His blank eyes were filled with red, and the rest of his body reverted to how it normally was. A blank, red visage of Panda’s father.

“What…?”

Radio let out a cackle. He looked down at a confused Panda.

“See, Kitty, we could’ve made this easy!”

The door was violently slashed into pieces by Angel. Who held a scalding red blade at his side. He wore his own standard DRU attire, looking nothing like the citizens of the islands. Radio could only smile at the DRU official. Knowing he could do nothing to stop it.

“Motherfucker.” He muttered as he shook a rock, snapped it in half and threw it at Kitty and Panda. With a flash of yellow, they were warped into a different dimension.

“Sorry, Angel. You’re late to the party.” Radio taunted with a chortle.

“Good. It means I can slice you up as many times as I can before you expand.”

The castle began to shatter to pieces as the Radio core expanded exponentially. It came flying forward like a sea of hell. Angel took aim as his blade heated up. He slashed at a pace that even Radio couldn’t perceive. Slashing the core and shortening the ocean’s reaches. Until even he was overtaken. He took out another rock-like object and shook it rapidly, teleporting out of the dimension before it was overtaken by Radio’s presence. The place that Kitty and Panda once called home was overtaken by a sea of red. Swanhild and Gila held each other as they saw the hellish, red sea drip down the Byakko isles and swallow their farm, their home, and then them. Leaving what seemed like incomplete, red wax sculptures of all people in the dimension.

These are paintings by an artist called Zdzislaw Beksinski. Much of his arts were inspirations for what I imagine a world ravaged by Radio would be like…

________________________________________________________________________

Kitty, Panda, and Fi were all warped back to the DRU base by Angel. They were all locked in one giant room. Tiled with blank, white bricks. Fi was on a bed, recovering from the fight. Panda and Kitty sat next to each other, silent. Angel walked into the room.

“You two were my number ones. I figured you’d be able to take care of one Radio core. Turns out the answer was no. You're being slapped down to the level you deserve. You aren’t in the big-leagues anymore. But hey, it’s how it works. You’ll have to claw your way up, but I figured that’d be obvious. We might end up having you be part of this experimental team we’ve got in the works, but I’m still waiting for Jackie’s word.”

“...What about Panda?” Kitty asked.

“Thought he’d fit right in with you glitches. But I didn’t know he was gonna die soon. So we’ll kill him ourselves.”

Panda’s eyes widened with a shock of fear. He approached Angel, who stood, leaning against the wall. He looked down at Panda with no expression.

Panda went to his knees. Bowing his head to the ground. “Sir…Can I ask one thing? I want one night with Kitty before you kill me. Is that too much to ask?”

“Fuck if I care. Ya have the night, I’ll return in the morning to get you.” He responded while leaving.

“W-Why…?” Kitty stumbled on her words.

“I want to be able to talk to you before it ends.”

“...Talk?”

“Yeah. Your worries, stresses, anger, anything. I want to hear it. So I go with no stone left unturned. Sorry if it’s selfish.”

“No…It’s okay. You must be tired. You’ve been working to fix your mistakes for the last moments of your life. You deserve to die the way you want.”

“So? Tell me. What are you feeling?” Panda asked with his face close to Kitty’s.

Kitty was silent for some time so she could organize her thoughts. Panda sat patiently, despite his life counting down by the minute.

Her voice delivered a tone that was purely Tora. Emotional, erratic, and frustrated. “You left with no words. That’s what angers me the most! Just some simple communication, or some words! “I’m on your side, Tora.” Or even an “I’m sorry” would’ve worked just fine! But you left with no words! I thought you could’ve betrayed me. Do you know how I felt over the years, remembering what happened?”

Once again, silence. Panda sat, contemplatively. He had a smile on his face the entire time.

“I know it doesn’t help now, but I’m sorry. I should’ve done something, anything. I thought you were gone forever. But I didn’t even look for you. I cared too much about my stupid father.”

Kitty smacked Panda lightly on the head.

“Yeah you did.”

They each laughed uncomfortably.

“So…was it for me?”

“Was what for you?” Panda asked.

“Did you try and find that cure for me? Even though I was gone?”

“Everything I did was because of you. I would’ve never betrayed you.”

They stood close to each other. Kitty wrapped her arms around Panda’s body. They looked into one-another's eyes. Panda leaned in for a kiss. But Kitty pushed him backward.

“Sorry. I can’t. This isn’t Tora speaking to you anymore.”

“Tora is there. It’s okay for him to be there. You aren’t weak, Kitty.”

They hugged, and Kitty kissed Panda on the forehead. They laid on the ground, staring at the blank white ceiling. Panda’s warmth and acceptance combined with her pure exhaustion allowed for Kitty to drift to sleep.

In the morning, the embrace she had gently drifted away in was gone. She simply laid on the ground holding air. She could only cry, accepting his demise with open arms, like a hug. Tears flowed like a waterfall to the ground as she cried quietly. For her people, her love, and the people she once was.

________________________________________________________________________

1 month later

Fi and Kitty had been moved out of their quarters. Fi was fully recovered. Kitty sat in the middle of their new room, working on a machine with tools she had fashioned out of old parts DRU threw away. Fi pulled up a chair and sat next to Kitty.

“Whatcha building?”

“Jackie wants me to start making renovations. But we don’t have a single tool here. We’re still banned from going out, so I started making my own tools.”

“Well, what are you building with your tools?” They asked cheekily.

“It’ll eventually be an upgraded network for DRU. They're working their way away from the old network. They said it went crazy. It’s what happens when you set it up as an AI.”

“Cool. I thought they said they were demoting us. This is their idea?”

“Nobody can do it the way I can.”

“Damn right.”

They sat in silence, Fi joyfully watched Kitty work on the large network. She was beginning to get fully engrossed in her machine.

“Hey, who are you doing this for? It’s totally a Tora-like move.”

“I’m doing it for me.”

THE END

Note♡

ᰔᩚ.`°'˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗°`.ᰔᩚ

Hey don't give up! ‹𝟹

:*˚:✧。❃ ུ ۪✧˚ ༘ ⋆。˚

Good things takes time ‹𝟹

Creds:

Writer & Story:

goodolnoah

Original Writing Period:

August 3rd 2023 - September 9th 2023

Inspiration:

-Gravity Rush for the idea of Kitty’s dimension as well as the idea for her. I really like the world of Gravity Rush and I jus had to use some of it’s ideas in an interesting way.

-Songs? Mainly YouTube playlists that helped me write. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, friggin a weird saw playlist

-Serial Experiments Lain for Tora’s idea of crazy weird network ideas as well as Tora himself when he was young

-Tengoku Daimakyo (Heavenly Delusion) for Kitty’s crazy weird brain switch idea. It really made this story’s main plot come together.

-Japanese mythos? For Byakko, and the idea of everyone having the name of an animal.

-Zdzislaw Beksinski!? A dude who makes this sad and surreal art for Radio’s idea.

-For edits, there was a karaoke song from the new Yakuza game called “If I could Love the One I Love”. About a couple’s love splintered by the erosion of time.

-An excerpt from an English translation of the song because I’m a nerd.

________________________________________________________________________

“Because I can’t love the one I love

Because the one I love can’t love me

And since I can’t control the way I feel inside,

Even now I’m looking for your smile

And now I’m drenched in reality, but the rain doesn’t bother me

Even if it’s just us against the world

I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go again”

________________________________________________________________________

FIN, more stories coming soon...


🛠⋆⭒˚.⋆Don't look now...this one's in construction!⋆⭒˚.⋆🛠

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
goodolnoah
Comment
Stickied · goodolnoah commented Comment · May 11, 2024

The finale! Thank you for reading this far, it is so very much appreciated! :D

creeperfeverdreams wrote a review Review · Oct 1, 2025

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Kitty finishes telling her story, Radio takes over King Baptiste, the whole dimension is ravaged by Radio, Fi and Kitty are demoted, Panda dies and…at least Kitty and Fi have each other and Kitty has come to terms with who she is.

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.

Chocolate Bar - Where to start? Well, I love how you described the way King Baptiste was being taken over by Radio! Radio sounds chillingly evil and like he’ll drown the world in red! I also like Kitty and Panda’s last conversation with each other, it feels like the Tora side is still there, but more protected. The words they exchange with one another feels fitting, like it was needed. And that ending with Kitty doing it for herself…perfect! Satisfactory! Much needed!

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a beautiful finale on how it’s not easy to right the wrongs, but worth it to make things better. Panda is gone, the dimension is gone, but Kitty and Fi’s story is not done. I see that Fi has their own story and so, I shall check it out. I’ve enjoyed reading this and…

I wish you a glorious day/night! :>

Thank you! Kitty is involved in Fis story and it is a prequel story, as in, it takes place before this story!

User avatar
EllieMae
Review
EllieMae wrote a review Review · Jun 29, 2024

Image

Hello friend, Ellie back once again to leave a review for another lovely chapter of yours :) Let's jump right into the review!

Her voice delivered a tone that was purely Tora. Emotional, erratic, and frustrated. “You left with no words. That’s what angers me the most! Just some simple communication, or some words! “I’m on your side, Tora.” Or even an “I’m sorry” would’ve worked just fine! But you left with no words! I thought you could’ve betrayed me. Do you know how I felt over the years, remembering what happened?”


I liked the narrative that you used, right from the beginning. As I have mentioned before, your details and descriptions make it easier for me to get engaged and jump right into the world you have created. I know you mentioned before how you think that it is complicated- which can be true, but I think these details plus all of the catch up descriptions you add at the beginning of the chapter make it so much easier for us to get right into the storyline. I liked this quite above a lot because it is this external/internal argument and annoyance. Personally, that is something that I think is incredible hard to write in a novel, but you pulled it off so well! Great work with those describing words and everything.

Fantastic work and keep on writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

Image

Random avatar
Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review Review · Jun 13, 2024

Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

The grand finale! A chilling encounter with King Baptiste leads to the Radio core, and a confrontation with the demon itself. Then, tragedy and loss strike, but there are glimmers of hope as Tora/Kitty pick up the pieces and carry on! Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Not much to complain about here! I loved this chapter so much; the action, the dialogue, the way you narrate these intense emotions; everything! I only spotted two extremely minor things I thought I'd put here, but I still give this chapter a 10/10 regardless, lol.

How do you think I feel!


I think this could use a question mark to accompany the exclamation ~

Her voice delivered a tone that was purely Tora. Emotional, erratic, and frustrated. “You left with no words. That’s what angers me the most! Just some simple communication, or some words! “I’m on your side, Tora.” Or even an “I’m sorry” would’ve worked just fine! But you left with no words! I thought you could’ve betrayed me. Do you know how I felt over the years, remembering what happened?”


I would recommend using single quotation marks for the "I'm on your side, Tora" and "I'm sorry" parts. When doubles consistently denote a start/swap in dialogue, it makes it a little confusing to see mid-sentence/paragraph. But this is very minor of course and easy to catch onto.

That is all, and of course, this is my own opinion and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt!

Why The Grin Widened...

Right off the bat, seeing "Kitty" finish the story as she tells it to everyone -knowing the deep perspective we got on the whole thing in just the last chapter- hits hard and puts you right back into the moment with her. And knowing it's actually Tora speaking, this entire excerpt...

My sis was always the strong one. I’ve always been weak. I couldn’t fight, nevermind even get out of bed. But she always got up when she was thrown down. Always fighting, she woke up everyday with a good outlook on life. Sure, she was a little thoughtless, but she approached life ready to put up a fight. So I’ve been trying to do my best to be just like my sister. But…I still couldn’t get over my fear. I still wasn’t ready to face my old world. I’ve been trying to be as strong as Kitty. I’m doing a horrible job.”


This was precious yet sad to read at the same time, knowing how much he appreciated and respected Kitty despite the rift that had grown between them as a result of Kitty's absence due to her job, soon added to her mental wear from battle. For obvious reasons, he now has a constant reminder of her, and even has to step into her position, so in a lot of ways, this reads as super sad and a bit twisted even. Poor Tora ~

“What you’ve done isn’t enough.” Kitty said heartlessly. “Moonsmoke needs to stop. You’ll die, and then cases will go up. The dent won’t be felt.”


Oof -that tone! It caught me a bit off-guard, especially since Panda is presumably trying to help, but remembering how everything about this has looked from Tora's perspective -and everything he's been through- it makes absolute sense.

“I know this conversation isn’t over. I’m not dying without talking it out. You must get up, Tora…” He fell into a brief silence before correcting himself. “Kitty, if you really want to be Kitty, that’s okay. When I look at you, I see the mannerisms and intelligence of the man I love, in his sister’s body. No matter what you do, please, choose yourself.” He insisted.


Aw, I loved this from Panda. I wouldn't even know how you approach this situation, but the fact that he's open and supportive of Tora while still insisting that he not forget his own life.

“The end of the world.” Fi said as they slipped their plague mask over their face.


...Whelp, that's a good way to refocus everyone's attention. Suddenly. O.O

Oooo, going straight to the king's palace -I like how bold and straightforward Fi is about this, but at the same time, maybe a *little* more preparation wouldn't hurt? And when the soldiers appear, I didn't know what would happen! I also really liked that you described them as "pumped out" by La Masse, a great way to remind us of the awful way they get their troops. And after taking a bullet so nonchalantly, this immediate line from Fi...

I was pretty pissed off when you were making us hang in this dimension, Kitty. Not cause we were disobeying orders, but because I knew damn well I’d grow attached to it.


That was awesome, haha! And of course...

It was like the men were being thrown into a blender. Panda had never seen anything like it, the destruction Fi could cause.


THAT WAS ALSO AWESOME!! I didn't know Fi would be such a powerful character, this is so cool!

I also loved the moment of conflict between Panda and "Kitty," right after they make it into the castle. Panda being the motivated one despite having a lot of heavy stuff on his plate at the moment, but Tora being hesitant to keep fighting just because of how much he hates it. I felt like it was a good way to show off that Tora's character is still here, and he's still struggling with this job, while also revealing an unexpected fire in Panda. Despite building his own world, and the presumably deep-seated conflict between him and his father, he's still willing to press on -even if it means killing his father- to save this dimension. So cool!

“He’ll have to cut my head off. Or get rid of Tora’s brain. He’s a pretty smart guy, I think he’ll be fine.”


Oooo, the fact that "Kitty" refers to Tora's brain in the third person really speaks to how hard he's trying to disassociate from his own identity and become a worthy stand-in for his sister now. I can't help wondering if this is a good idea, and tbh...I'm thinking it's probably not. But I really want to see where this goes of course! (00 )

The confrontation between "Kitty" and Baptiste was so tense and had me on edge, like either one could snap at any minute. Not to mention, finally getting some insight into the reasons behind this war, and the crude actions that led them here, was a great way to stage the final standoff. Especially when Baptiste reveals THIS:

It was the most colossal Radio core that Kitty had ever seen.


“It has been growing in size, a true gift from the gods. It powers the entire Leo district. So we can use draco for more…recreational matters.” The king sat over the ledge, staring proudly at his “gift”.


WOW! He's been using the Radio core as a freaking power source this whole time?!?! That's so crazy and corrupt, oh my gosh; that is like the pinnacle of "corrupt noble/royal" greed O.O

And the next event in this sequence...

“See this? God accepts my message!” King Baptiste gloated.

Snap.

And again, snap, snap. the king’s bones began to break and contort themselves as his voice was snuffed out by the vibrant red material covering him. He stood with his head slacked over to the side, choking out through his collapsed windpipe. His newly empty eyes were covered by red like an unfinished wax sculpture.


I thought something was amiss, and for Baptiste to think this "gift" is from a god and not some gnarly, nasty disease really speaks to how disconnected he is from the reality of this world. And the process of being broken down inside that waxy trap sounds so creepy, ooo ~

I'm surprised that the Radio demon immediately recognized Tora, like he's been able to observe everything for himself like a dark god. I love the dialogue you gave for him, how he has no loyalties to Baptiste, La Masse, Les Cavaliers, or really anything. Just a want for destruction. Oh, and of course...

Just a couple more deaths, or a couple more deals, and this is over. You’ve never seen a dimension end. Sorry it has to be your own. Unless you pledge your soul to me, perhaps I will spare this dimension.”


CRAZY OFFER!! For a moment, I thought ToraKitty may actually consider it, but they haven't. But if they can overpower Radio and force him to spare this dimension, that's a whole other question, and I was both excited and anxious to find the answer O.O

Kitty was pierced through the sword, her skin failing to remake itself around the hole. She shifted in and out of consciousness, mumbling wordless expressions at Panda. [The] king, in his normal form, stepped from behind the throne. His eyes were dead.


[Minor capitalization error]. Oooo, the king is back now, but something is amiss. And Kitty has already been downed. What will Panda do?!?!

His blank eyes were filled with red, and the rest of his body reverted to how it normally was. A blank, red visage of Panda’s father.


OH SNAP IT WAS A TRAP!! Panda, nooo!! O.O

He took out another rock-like object and shook it rapidly, teleporting out of the dimension before it was overtaken by Radio’s presence. The place that Kitty and Panda once called home was overtaken by a sea of red. Swanhild and Gila held each other as they saw the hellish, red sea drip down the Byakko isles and swallow their farm, their home, and then them. Leaving what seemed like incomplete, red wax sculptures of all people in the dimension.


NOOOOO, Radio actually won?! I mean, at least Kitty, Panda, and Fi got out alive. But for everything to be destroyed...OOOO, man, that was such a chilling moment to read, I still have goosebumps. Especially with the art you provided; very good references that amplify the eerie feelings exponentially.

You aren’t in the big-leagues anymore. But hey, it’s how it works. You’ll have to claw your way up, but I figured that’d be obvious. We might end up having you be part of this experimental team we’ve got in the works.”


How interesting! This is a bit of a let-down, but it may allow for Tora to adapt to Kitty's level of training, so maybe there is a benefit to this? But Panda, daaaaang...that's tragic that they'll just kill him regardless, but I guess it was fated with the disease he contracted. Still a very heavy moment T-T

Her voice delivered a tone that was purely Tora. Emotional, erratic, and frustrated. “You left with no words. That’s what angers me the most! Just some simple communication, or some words! “I’m on your side, Tora.” Or even an “I’m sorry” would’ve worked just fine! But you left with no words! I thought you could’ve betrayed me. Do you know how I felt over the years, remembering what happened?”


This hit hard, especially with the way you described it as "purely Tora," like he's finally letting his true colors show and dropped the permanent Kitty mask. And the substance of the words; the years' worth of frustration and grief, ah! So sad!

“Tora is there. It’s okay for him to be there. You aren’t weak, Kitty.”


Such sweet parting words ~ ToT

In the morning, the embrace she had gently drifted away in was gone. She simply laid on the ground holding air. She could only cry, accepting his demise with open arms, like a hug. Tears flowed like a waterfall to the ground as she cried quietly. For her people, her love, and the people she once was.


Now, this...this is just cruel. A tragic yet beautifully narrated end for Panda's part in this story, and the relationship he had with Tora ToT

“Hey, who are you doing this for? It’s totally a Tora-like move.”

“I’m doing it for me.”


And this was a great way to end the chapter, and the story overall!!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this story was just incredible!! This finale really was grand in every way, packed with emotion, and I'm so excited to see what awaits in "Plague Of The Desert." Nicely done, all the way through!! :D

Image

AAAAA thank you for the praise! I cannot express how happy it makes me that many of the impactful moments I included seemed to make an impact. I have some one-time characters similar to Panda, but he%u2019s still by far one of my favorites that I%u2019ve had the opportunity to write. I hope that nothing (like Radio%u2019s dialogue) was too cheesy or anything, this last chapter was one of my more heavily re-edited ones.

Also, Plague of The Desert actually takes place before this story. I remember you asking about Fi%u2019s backstory, so that%u2019s where it is! It tells the story of how Kitty and Fi met.

Either way, thank you for these amazing reviews! They really bring a smile to my face :D

Ravena replied · Jun 13, 2024

No problem, I had a lot of fun reading this story!

And ah, I see! That sounds awesome! :D



Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
— Corey Ford