Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
Alice: Glass Wings
TW: 18+ | Descriptions of Violence | Mature Language
PT 381, Dimension Unknown
I felt suspended in nothingness. It was like I was floating between consciousness and unconsciousness. That girl I was having dreams about…her name is Mara. She killed me. I remember the nightmares. She’s a version of me that transported through space and time to kill me. Is it jealousy? Hatred?
Then it hit me.
I died.
Am I going to be stuck like this forever? Stuck having nightmares like this until the end of time? I’ll be trapped in eternal blackness with the occasional nightmare about my murderer to keep me from going crazy.
Silence. I decided to occupy my mind.
I guess it’s okay, though. I’m probably the only person who nobody’s going to really care about. I’m an orphan. No siblings, and Jon will be happy to have me out of the house. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.
No, actually, I’m pissed! The universe hates me so much that it sends an alternate version of me from another universe to kill me?! I was going to buy a house, quit my stupid accounting job and become something better. I wanted to go back to school and get my degree. But that was ripped away from me. I haven’t been living my life. Things have just happened to me and I’ve moved on. Is this gonna be how I die?
“Can you please quiet down?” A voice scolded from the abyss.
Quiet down…? What?
Tap, tap, tap
Knocking on glass got louder and louder until it felt like I was being knocked on the head. The noise and feeling got more and more annoying.
“Hey, stop!” I cried out, more emotionally than I thought.
“Sorry, sorry. I was just checking for life signs and you began babbling to yourself.” The voice responded defensively.
“...Does this mean I’m alive?”
“It’s been longer than I wanted. Two months since your incident.”
“Two months…? Where’s Mara?”
“She took over Santa Barraza. You're lucky that we were able to get you out before the destruction of the area.” The person informed like it was a normal day at the workplace.
“How am I here?”
“You fit the android profile very well. No known relatives, very little fighting experience, and a mind still intact. You’re the guinea pig. A Mara is finally being used for something useful.”
My vision began to become clear. Finally making the figure who was talking in front of me clear. She had shoulder-length blonde hair, it was the only color that seemed to touch her body, everything else she wore was black. It was a long coat accented by tight combat boots. She looked dangerous and hardened. With a stare that I wouldn’t be forgetting, not for a while. It told me she was serious. Within that serious visage, I saw a tired women. Who kept going despite everything.
“We can’t be dealing with another threat while Radio is still at large. So we have to get rid of Mara quickly. Your new powers will come to you quick. They’ve been programmed into your mind.” She explained.
If my mind was altered so I knew all these special fighting moves, what if they did something else? What if they changed my mind so I can’t leave their organization, even if I wanted to?
I decided I didn’t trust this woman. “How do I know you didn’t modify my brain anymore than you claim?”
“Your brain is your own. Don’t worry. DRU does not hypnotize people into working with us. We are used to working with humans, you are just a special case. Can you feel anything?”
All this news was hitting me like a ton of bricks. Now that my vision was clear, I could look down, and see my body for what it truly was. My nerve endings finally began to regain some feeling, all I felt at first was my head. Everything from my neck up felt normal. I looked down to see my new-
Body? Does this even classify as a body? Or am I just some kind of weapon? My torso was a simple white, with breast-like tissue, I assumed this was so I could feel some sense of normalcy. This felt like a spit in the face when I looked at my arms. Lazily put together white cylinders with claw-like fingers. My legs were the same, with nubs instead of feet. If it wasn’t for this, maybe I would have a chance at hiding my metallic exterior.
I watched the women who’d been surveying me walk across the room and sit down in a fold-out chair. I was being suspended in the air by some sort of machine. I guess my other senses were intact, and then I felt my brain begin to spin.
It finally hit me that I truly couldn’t feel anything.
I wouldn’t be able to feel the soft touch of another human. Nor the light but comforting feeling of grass brushing up against me when I went outside. This was hitting me, sure. But I didn’t feel the need to overreact. It was only the realization. Everything’s felt like a series of realizations with no reactions.
I called out to the woman across the room. “So what do I do now?”
“You can only do one thing. Fight. You want to stop Mara, don’t you?”
That girl showed up and ended my life at the snap of her fingers. I guess I should feel like I’m obligated to some sort of revenge. But I don’t really care. She killed me just like she would kill any other chump. My life doesn’t matter enough to warrant a comeback, subsequent ass-kicking and revenge.
“You want to stop her, right?” The woman asked.
“Tell me…What’s your name?”
“Petra.”
“Tell me Petra, if your life had no meaning, and you were selected because your life didn’t mean much, why would you feel the need to get revenge on someone who killed you? Maybe I’d rather be dead.”
“You are fighting either way. Do you want your home to be destroyed?”
“Of course I don’t want my home to be destroyed.”
“Then have fun. We’ll test your fighting capability tomorrow.”
Petra left the room, my new body was set free from the machine that I’d been floating in. I was finally able to touch the ground, but my senses were off. I was able to walk, but it felt like I was flying. I could only feel my head. It was like I was cut off from the rest of the world.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the gory S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Alice wakes up in a new body. She’s an android now. Petra wants her to kill Mara and Alice would have every reason to, but she doesn’t care about that. Only when she hears that her world will be destroyed does she agree to fight.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how Alice doesn’t seem to really care that Mara killed her. It shows how little she thinks of herself. :< I also like how Alice thinks of her own new body, because it doesn’t feel quite human, but it’s what she has to live with. And Petra! I love to see Petra here!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a very exciting chapter into what is in store for Alice. I can’t wait to see her fight Mara and the others, but how will she react to Redman being apart of this? Will she even care? Hmm…I guess I’ll have to find out in the next chapter…
I wish you a lovely day/night! ^v^
Im back! I figured I'll get all 6 reviews in. Gotta at least keep pace with @Tikaya so we have a shot at winning ToT
OH!! I meant to mention your cover art before. First of all, cool to see some original art. Second. While the composition of it makes it a little hard to see what's going on at first , and the orange feels far too happy for this story xD I do like the finger gun and the first thing I noticed from the beginning was the slash across the throat. It's a good hook I think. Anyway, not everyone has cover art so I wanted to say something about it while it's here! Now, on to the morbid future of PT 381.
Oh boy. The twists in the beginning of this had me spinning as much as Alice. It is interesting to have seen the DRU in a bad light, and now Alice will be working for them. I guess it also confirms Mara and gang are in fact coocoo for coco puffs. Those were nice little twists that gave this chapter some energy.
You seem to really hammer home.thw fact that Alice cant feel anything below the neck, but you also have a line where you say she was beginning regain feeling in her nerve ends. I assumed that meant all over and the body was somewhat synthetic and robotic, but then it says she cant feel anything so I might cut that nerve ending line.
Alice's thoughts honestly feel a bit more.composed than I think they would be. She doesn't seem all that horrified at the abject body horror done to her without her consent while she was dead. I'd expect more anger and a LOT.more defensiveness.
Petra is obviously a snake. "We dont hypnotize people into working for us." No, you just kidnap and experiment on them and then force them to fight for you o.O But also, why does Alice care about saving her home, whatever that even is, but not her own life? She didn't seem to have friends or coworkers or family she cares about. Jon is the only one who might care about her, but it's obvious she feels like a burden. Of she were going to fight, I would see it being for him alone, so perhaps Petra should attack that weakness strategically. Dont ask about saving her home, describe how Jon will suffer and die at the hands of Mara.
Also, I dont understand why Alice isnt ready ro rage out on Mara anyway? Petra literally told her to shut up because she was ranting about how she didn't get to do the things she wanted, so where is this total apathy come from at the end?
Anyway, intrigued to see where this goes and what Alice's journey will look like. There is room for a lot of introspection and growth, as well as becoming self-confident and breaking out of tyrannical systems like the DRU and Mara.
~Messy
Good morning once again! I didn’t want to leave on such a sour note so let’s check out the next chapter too! Never forget that Violet Victory is nearly upon us =D #ReviewDay
We’re back with Alice! Finally, the character I liked the most!
“ and Jon will be happy to have me out of the house.” Oh girl. I want to give you a hug. I am sure Jon will be devastated if he hears about that ☹
I am getting more and more the feeling that my Haiti idea (with a nice house etc) would have totally worked on Alice.
I feel for her. It’s good that you’re angry, Alice! I want to see you go on a Revenge Quest, succeed, learn that “Revenge doesn’t make you happy” and then buy that house you always dreamt of!
Okay this is definitely much much much better than the previous chapter (so it was good that I decided to read on xd) but still: the lack of proper dialogue formatting is driving me more crazy than the tapping did Alice!! Please please please go check how to do it properly otherwise I might cry ☹
I also feel like during this conversation, you could have shown more of Alice’s reactions to all of this. Like, her alternative version takes over the city, she acknowledges that the voice is very nonchalant abt it and… Alice doesn’t think anything else abt it? Just asks how she got there? I just.. expected some internal narration between lines of dialogue and it feels a bit lacking without.
Hold on, slow down, we are not even properly settled into the scene and already Alice hits us with this: “If my mind was altered so I knew all these special fighting moves” --- like it feels we are skipping several steps in the process of…processing all this. Give us more time to get used to this. Last we heard, Alice misplaced her spine and I can buy that these ppl somehow saved her. But it sounds like she’s an Android now? What does that mean? What does Alice feel? Why do we not get any reactions from her other than basic facts? Is this bc she is a robot now???
Even if SHE has all the information now, WE don’t know it and it would have been perfect for you to show how she is compartmentalizing all the new details in a way that was more showing-than-telling. Right now, Alice doesn’t feel very different to read about so it feels like she should have bigger reactions.
It sounds like you got really excited about this part of the story and wanted to get into Alice’s new normal as quickly as possible… and lost me in the process ☹
But at least the robotic tinge to her thoughts make sense… I am a bit excited to see her handle herself in the next chapter 😊
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