18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Our Perfect Worlds - Part 2

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Redman: Conquest

TW: 18+ | Descriptions of Violence | Mature Language

PT 381, Dimension S-035, Santa Barraza

I don’t know if I can take this stress! I looked over the wondrous sunset, pacing nervously. To calm my nerves, I traveled down the fire exit of my skyscraper into my office. It was covered head to toe in my own keepsakes and relics that I have acquired throughout the years, locked away and never to be touched in protective glass cases. The marble floor shined decadently. My desk chair sat over a view of the city of Santa Barraza. I opened the closet in the corner of the room, and slid my hands into the sleeves of a red coat, where my name comes from. It is better if glitches in hiding like myself keep our real names a secret.

I’ve been profiled as a glitch because I ran away from my original dimension. By definition, a glitch is a lifeform who lacks a dimension. Even still, they are pretty loose with their rules. They assign you the worst title so you can be chewed up and molded into an obedient servant. They are DRU. An acronym meaning the Dimension Regulation Unit. I worked for them for a while while I was under their custody, I was basically a mule. One day, they approached me with a mission to track down and apprehend a glitch from the Desert of Sinkholes. When I saw her young face and fiery red hair, it lit a spark inside of me. We broke out of our forced servitude and went into hiding. She flew off into space when she got old enough to go on her own adventures. While I raised my empire in this dimension.

Today is the day. I've been waiting for years for her to come back. I was even feeling good enough to give an employee a day off. Mara went alone into the universe when she felt ready. Even still, I wasn’t ready to let her go. I thought I would never see her again. But here I am. I guess I gave that girl from earlier the day off because she reminded me of her.

The observation deck was like a flat ceiling that scraped against the sky. The clouds began to separate, and giant lights shimmered against the glass of my castle, as well as the rest of the city. A spaceship tore through the clouds. It was like one of those spaceships plucked from an old movie. A flying metal goliath with hundreds of blinking lights. It hovered directly above me, as if it was going to touch my nose. A familiar face beamed down.

She didn’t look very different. An orange and salmon-colored (she hates it when I call it that) skin-tight suit called a conduit suit clung to her body. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with it off. She wore a punky crimson leather jacket with the words “persona non grata” plastered on it. The faded heart that was drawn onto her conduit suit hadn’t faded, either. Her newest and most surprising addon was a large sword that was strapped to her back.

“Redman! You old geezer!” She shouted cheerfully.

“Mara! You look like you haven’t aged a day.”

“That’d better be a compliment.” She joked. “Hey, check it out. These are my friends.”

There were three women behind Mara. Every one of them was adorned with some sort of “stardust” paraphernalia. Mara had a headband that read the former.

The first, a full-figured girl with jet-purple hair and a lazily constructed t-shirt, had a huge tattoo of a star on her upper chest. Another, a skinny woman with pigtails and a curvaceous sword, had a tattoo of a star proudly presented on her head.

The last girl, who was hunched over with her legs crossed on the ground had no signs of this, except for the necklace of a star. She wore red glasses and an orange and blue coat. I was worried that her messy blonde hair would cause her to break the device she was fiddling with. Just looking at her, I felt the power overflowing from her body as she rose to her feet and looked at me with bright, orange eyes.

“That’s Kat, Azuzu, and Sky! They're all my buddies. Just like you! Now we’ve got the whole band together!” Mara boasted, wrapping her arms around Kat and Azuzu, who were similarly bouncy.

“Redman, you trust me, right?” Mara asked suddenly.

I answered almost immediately. “Yeah, of course I do.”

“I’ve been doing lots of thinking, you know? I’m tired of hiding. I’ve got a new idea. We’re going to take DRU out before they take us out. It all starts with this universe.”

“What are you trying to say?” I asked.

“Help me take over this universe. We can stop them, one at a time.”

One universe at a time? Who am I talking to? What did she really mean? I moved away from this life a long time ago. I told myself that there’d be no more violence. No more killing.

Sky held the device she’d been tinkering with up to Mara. “I pinpointed the location of this world’s Mara equivalent."

“Cool. Thank you, Sky.”

In a flash, Mara’s body turned into a kinetic blast of red lightning. I watched her zip into the air and reform into her human form, only to transform again and fly further.

“Where’s she going?”

“First orders of business so we stay off DRU's radar.” Sky took out a computer and plugged the tracker in, accessing Mara’s location. “Gotta kill this universe’s Mara.”

“Why?” I asked.

“According to DRU, the universe goes boom if there’s two of the same people in close proximity for an extended amount of time.” Sky responded. “I think they’re spreading lies to keep us in line, but if their sensors pick up on two beings with the exact same anatomy in close proximity, we’d be spotted before we got started.”

“So…what if there’s another you here?” I asked.

“I make sure everything is accounted for.” Sky smiled.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the macabre S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Redman hates DRU. He escaped into another universe because of that. He didn’t want to kill anymore. But Mara and her friends believe that they must if they truly want to stop DRU. Well, it’s not pretty, but maybe it will help, right?

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.

Chocolate Bar - I love the way Redman and the women talk to each other! They are very clearly old friends and excited to see each other! I also like that there are people here with colorful hair. :0 Tis’ very cool! I like that Sky is here too, it’s nice to see a familiar face! I mean, I feel bad for Alice, who must be the other version of Mara, but they’re all talking about it so cheerfully that I can’t stay too mad at them.

Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fantastical chapter! I enjoyed reading this and I wonder what will happen to Alice later on. I feel like even though Mara technically killed her, her story is not over. Whatever happens, I’ll be there to read!

I wish you a glamorous day/night! ^v^

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Messenger
Review

Hey! Hoping to get all five chapters done today for review day, but at the very least we'll get the first two done right now! Let's get back in.

. I opened the closet in the corner of the room, and slid my hands into the sleeves of a red coat, where my name comes from. It is better if glitches in hiding like myself keep our real names a secret.

This honestly confused me quite a bit. I read it several times trying to figure out, before realizing it was saying the he goes by Redman because he has a red coat, because you mention sliding hands into the red coat. If you mean he's putting it on thats also a kind of funky way to put it.
The second sentence is no clearer to me until I reread it several times. I think using dashes ro connect glitches-in-hiding would help readers understand that's a nickname, because to me it just read like we were missing words at first.

I was worried that her messy blonde hair would cause her to break the device she was fiddling with.

Why would her hair break the device?

According to DRU, the universe goes boom if there’s two of the same people in close proximity for an extended amount of time.” Sky responded. “I think they’re spreading lies to keep us in line, but if their sensors pick up on two beings with the exact same anatomy in close proximity, we’d be spotted before we got started.”

Uh. So these folks are not the protagonists right? Also, if they are going tear down the DRU and think it could be a lie, why mention this sinc they're going to murder Mara for the second reason?

Overall thoughts:
It will get annoying, but I will point out the tense changes again. Deciding to write in present tense always brings this issue to the forefront because it's harder to keep track of, but it has to be taken care of or to me it feels really sloppy.
Why was this world's Mara having nightmares if violent Mara wasnt and cant be near her for long? I assume the gunman was Redman, but why would this world's Mara have other Mara's memories?
Why is Redman caught off guard by any of this when at the beginning of this chapter it said he had fled the DRU and planned to "build his empire"? That sounds like he would have been hard at work this whole time.
Sky is a psychopath

~Messy
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User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review · Fri Feb 13, 2026 10:23 am

Good morning! It’s been a day but I got really into the trenches of the Review Day battle preparations 😊 But I am still very curious where your story is going so let’s have it now! And later, we’ll also have our Violet Victory!


And we are in the head of the person I was so suspicious of. Let’s see if he can alleviate some of my anxiety over him =D Spoiler Alert from Future Tika: He did not.

Hmmm he chose his name himself bc of the red coat? Interesting detail. And I knew it. He is from a different dimension or at least knows about them!! And now he knows about Alice… Maybe he can save her? Come on Mr Guy, redeem yourself in my eyes and go save the girl! He also gave her money…and maybe was curious enough to see if she actually went to a therapist? That could be a plausible way to help her gogogogogo <-- why yes, I am invested in this. Hope you’re happy xd

Hmmm I also feel like his “I’ve been profiled” paragraph feels very As You Know. Idk if it is necessary to speak so plainly over it-especially since I figured it was something like this from the previous sentence. And keeping some of the mystery…or maybe revealing it not in a block of telling but maybe in a specific showing scene would be better.
Must say this paragraph is not very interesting to read. I do feel robbed =D

In general, it feels like you’re overexplaining a lot of things. This dude talks about his feelings as if he’s a robot, not helped by your sentence structure still being very basic here.

Okay the first chapter felt very grounded and I got to know Alice really well which is why I am so invested in her. I don’t have the same feelings abt Redman and his girl squad here. I can’t really get a good grasp on the girls and now one of them turned into a blast of energy? You felt the need to explain that the suit she wears is a conduit suit but not that they can turn into energy and that this is normal??

Yeah no I do not like any of these characters. Are they the ones who killed Alice? So Mara kills her to be safe against DRU? Can’t say I really understand that reasoning. Now that you know where she is and Redman has control over this company already, he could have just sent her on a forever vacation to Haiti doing a meaningless home-office job if he really is against killing. I am a very unhappy reader right now :(

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"Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
— V for Vendetta