z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

[Kitty] Shattered Gravity - Part 3 「𖤓」

by goodolnoah


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

「𖤓」Paradise「𖤓」

Kitty Intro on Vimeo

Previous Chapter Summaries:

「𖤓」PT 1: Kitty and Fi-So in present day are sent to dimension O-090 to prevent the destruction of the dimension. They have taken refuge at a poor farmland. While out, Kitty learns of a dangerous chemical called moonsmoke. After a warning from their supervisor, Angel and prodding from Fi-So, Kitty reveals that she’s been prolonging their visit because they are in her original dimension.

「☽」PT 2: 6 years before present events, Kitty is fighting for a rebellious military force known as Les Cavaliers, against the King’s forces, La Masse. Her little brother, Tora, solves puzzles on a digital database known as The Library. He gets a mysterious message from someone named Baptiste. 

PT 395, Dimension 0-090

Waking up for the last time with the birds, Kitty and Fi-So thanked Gila and Swanhild profusely for letting them stay. Fi-So cooked breakfast with Swanhild to try and repay them for the help that they gave. It seemed to give Swanhild some amusement, at the very least.

While Gila was at home, she almost acted like a different person. Happily laughing with her husband and Kitty. It was like all the political aspects of her life went out the window while she was home. Swanhild’s reluctance to judge anyone based on how they were went a long way. He never gawked at Gila for her uncommon looks. Always looking at her with pride.

“Really, who are you two then? You simply appeared out of nowhere.”

“We come from a far away place. We aren’t allowed to talk about where we came from, either. It’s part of our job.”

“You seem familiar with this territory. Are you just returning?” Gila asked.

“To hell with the lies and secrecy. These people were good to us, Kitty.” Fi interjected. “We are with a special organization that deals with threats to your world. All worlds.”

“Like…another dimension? I researched this while you were out, honey. It’s said that there are parallel worlds. Sometimes there are slight differences, other times there are huge differences, ones we can’t even imagine.”

“That’s right, Swanhild! I didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff.”

“I can’t believe that…So are we in danger?”

“No. You aren’t in danger. We’re some of the best people you could have on the job! Fi and I are topping the charts back at home!” Kitty declared.

Fi wrapped their arms around Kitty.

“Yeah. It’s no problem for us.” Fi said.

“Well, good luck with whatever it is you have to do. Please be safe.”

Fi and Kitty said farewell to Swanhild and Gila. They gave them some food and water to take with them, which Fi carried in their bag. The pair of them went back to their original outfits, said goodbye to the birds and cattle, and went to the center of town. They stepped in the rickety elevator.

“Y’know, I told Swanhild that I was intersex, one day.” Fi-So blurted out. “I’ve never felt accepted into a family. Till those nice people showed up. I’m doing this for them. We’ll find this radio core and get it over with.”

“Yeah…” Kitty replied haphazardly.

“Hey, is there something wrong?” Fi-So asked.

“I think I know where the Radio core is.”

“Shit really? Where?”

“Mallard Sector. It’s where I grew up.”

“Well then, let’s use our scanner in that area and find the Radio core.” Fi said.

Kitty was silent.

“You’re afraid to go back, huh?”

“Yeah.”

The decrepit elevator began to shake violently. Fi and Kitty each looked around frantically. There was nothing to be seen. Until the elevator opened. They were greeted by a giant, open area. It was like the garden of Eden. The sun never stopped shining, the sky was baby blue, and cloudless.

“This isn’t Mallard Sector.” Kitty said.

“What the hell is it?”

“That elevator took us to Leo sector. Not Mallard Sector. It’s where the rich reside.”

“Come on, we’ll just go down.” Fi said.

“Sorry.” A worker said. “This elevator is down for maintenance. It’s not to be used due to the war. Go watch! Relax and stay a while!”

Kitty and Fi were led into a palace-like building, where others gathered. The palace was lined with shiny, red material all on the ground. With a more metallic red material all around the walls. There were slot machines, gambling tables, and bars littered throughout the bar. At the very back, from the entrance was a large screen for interested onlookers to watch. In large leather seats there were various fat cats of Leo Sector. They all wore ceremonial masks that must have cost large sums of draco.

“What the fuck?” Fi yelped.

“They're watching the war play out, live.” Kitty said.

More and more people began to turn away from their gambling matches to watch the live event. There were multiple cameras that seemed to be drone-like flying around the battlefield. One drone followed planes in the sky. Another followed the carnage that happened on the ground. Lasers blasted through the air from tank-like machines. Fighters ran at each other with weapons of war. Guns, blades, everything. Arms went flying, explosions went off on every camera, sending pieces of fighters every which way. The onlookers cheered at the carnage. “More! More!” Many shouted with glee. This was how the rich spent their days. If all other sources of exploitation diminished, of course they could still go back to the war show.

Kitty stared up at the screen, not being able to look away. Her heart convulsed as if it was going to explode, and her breath was shaky. With no consistency. One second it was hyperventilation, the next second she was trying to keep it in. It was a dizzying sight of hatred and murder played like a sport. Fi was also distracted by the noise, but once they saw Kitty’s eyes, they immediately wrapped their hands around her, and pulled her into a side room.

“Kitty…It’s okay. Calm down.”

Kitty’s eyes were almost glazed. All the memories, the horrors of the war that were hidden deep in her mind all flooded back in.

SLAP!

Fi slapped Kitty across the face, snapping her out of it.

“You are here! Not…wherever you thought you were, dammit!”

Kitty took a moment of silence to gain her composure. She was curled up against the wall of the empty room that they resided in. She moved to a more comfortable position, and looked up at Fi-So. Who stared at her with a concerned look on their face.

“Kitty, no more secrets. You’ve gotta tell me what happened in your past.”

“Well…To start, I was in this war. It’s between two warring factions. Between Les Cavaliers and La Masse. My memories….they're all tangled up. I don’t even remember what we were fighting about. But mistrust has built up. Everyone is worried that someone from La Masse could be their neighbor, trying to spy on them, or assassinate them. So much mistrust built up between the groups, that this war broke out. I fought for Les Cavaliers, eventually they pushed me to the frontlines. I can’t believe it’s still going on. It feels like barely anything has changed since I was here.”

“That’s some heavy shit…” Fi uttered.

There was a silence. They sat next to Kitty. Echoes of war heard the next room over. They wanted to say more, but Kitty could only sit with her eyes affixed on the blank wall ahead of her. Like she knew what would happen if she even stepped further into her past.

“Look, you’re the leader. If you want to find another way out of here, let’s do that. I saw some flying machines, how about we get to Mallard Sector that way?”

“Yeah…okay. We have to find one, though.”

“Is there anything like a taxi? A bus we can take?”

“We’re dead broke, Fi. How are we going to get anywhere?”

“Let’s find some way to make money! How about we try our hand at gambling?”

“No. We need something that will actually make us some money. Not a lot. Just a little bit of money.”

“Got any ideas?” Fi asked.

Kitty led Fi out of the building and into Leo Sector. It was filled with lavish houses that looked like small versions of the building they were just in, all connected in one giant landmass. There were restaurants, more gambling, and many games that the younger people played out in public. It was where the rich came to rest their feet and look down on those who would never get to their position in life. Kitty and Fi figured it would be weird asking for work in the land of the rich. So they tried to look their best. Kitty stayed the same and Fi took off their plague mask.

“Why don’t we split up, Fi? If I find a good job, then I’ll come and get you. We’ll cover more ground this way.” Kitty said.

“Are you sure you don’t want me around?”

“I’ll be okay, don’t worry.”

Kitty and Fi went their separate ways. Fi decided to go back to the palace from before to try their hand at gambling. Kitty walked around the town. She took in the area. She had only visited it once when she was younger. It was just as overwhelming as before. She found a man sitting at a bar outside. He had a large flying vehicle sitting outside. It seemed like a van that he worked out of. Maybe he’d need some help. Kitty sat next to him at the bar.

“Hey.”

“Hi there girlie. Want something to drink?”

“Oh, no I’m okay.”

“Come on! Nobody sits down at a bar without getting a little buzzed! A round for me and the lady here!” The man called out before introducing himself with a weak handshake. “My name’s Vulture. But call me V. Suits my age, huh?”

The bartender handed Kitty and V some drinks. She took a sip to be kind, but she immediately winced at the bitter taste of the old wine that she had been poured.

“I saw your work-craft out front. Do you do some sort of work here?”

“Yeah. I do maintenance for the folks up in this area. They pay me kindly, but I still have bills to pay and booze to buy.”

“Is there any chance you could pay me for some work? My friend and I are short on money and we need to catch a break.”

“Oh-are you offerin’ to pay with your body?!” He said cheerily. “You are a cute girl. How much?”

“No. Not with my body.” Kitty snapped back. If you are going to say shit like that I can leave right now.”

“Sorry! Sorry! It’s common for girls here who are down on their luck to pay with favors. I thought I was gettin’ lucky.”

Kitty looked at him, disgusted. How could a woman do something like that?

“Do you have work for me or no?” She asked firmly.

“No, no. Just keep the booze.” He responded shakily. “Here, take the bottle.”

Kitty took the bottle that was next to him and walked away. She zipped her coat up.

“Is this really what paradise is like?” She thought.

Kitty made her way over to the casino area. Where she suspected Fi had went. She creeped to the back of the casino, where she saw Fi playing one of the machines with their mask on to hide their face.

“Hey Kitty. They let us play once for free! Isn’t that a good deal?”

Kitty sighed. “I try to do things the right way. Scooch over.”

“Oh, yeah. You might know this thing a little better than me. Do you have a strategy?”

“I do, actually. Screw these rich people.”

“Damn right. What’s the idea?” Fi asked.

Kitty brought her knife to a small compartment that housed the casino machine’s inner workings. She popped a piece of the machine’s casing off and found a circuit board and wires. Kitty reconnected them in a different way, and money came pouring out.

“Woah! Jackpot!” Fi cried. “Since when could you do that?” Fi whispered.

She shushed Fi. “I don’t really like to mess with this kind of stuff a lot. Let’s get out of here before they realize we got a jackpot.”


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263 Reviews


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Reviews: 263

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Thu Apr 04, 2024 4:11 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

This chapter was interesting! From exploring the Leo Sector to learning more about Kitty's past, there was plenty to sift through and enjoy. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Not much for here! Descriptions were brilliant, dialogue felt natural, and even your details like tone and body language were on-point. No typos or direct errors either, though as a recommendation in good spirit, free to take or leave, I did want to mention a couple of things:

One thing here:

“Woah! Jackpot!” Fi cried. “Since when could you do that?” Fi whispered.


Maybe, instead of doing two separate dialogue tags, you could combine them for ease of reading. Maybe even take out the "cried" as the exclamation points do a fine job of capturing that tone. Example: "Woah! Jackpot!" Fi then whispered, "Since when could you do that?" Maybe. Next here:

The palace was lined with shiny, red material all on the ground. With a more metallic red material all around the walls.


[/quote]She moved to a more comfortable position, and looked up at Fi-So. Who stared at her with a concerned look on their face.[/quote]

I felt like both of these bits had sentences that *may* have looked better connected. "..looked up at Fi-So, who stared at her..." Like, the points directly tie into each other, so maybe a comma would show that better than stopping and starting a new sentence. The first bit, likewise, may be able to use a little more clarification since it has a repeated and somewhat vague term (material). For example, maybe... "The walls and floor were both red, though the walls had a metallic texture while the floor was more like [stone, matte, velvet, etc]." Again, maybe, idk heh.

The other thing I hoped to mention (I think I did in the last chapter too but I feel like it'd be even better here) is sensory notes. Perhaps mentioning the smell of high-end whiskey and cigar smoke, and the sound of clicking poker chips (or something along those lines) would really bring out that "rich" and chaotic gambling atmosphere.

Of course, that is just my opinion, and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. The chapter was great as it is too ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Ah, there was plenty to enjoy here! Opening with Gila and Swanhild, and the twos' importance to Fi-So, helps build up a motive and anticipation for Kitty and them to succeed in the mission and save this dimension. Great attention to detail, there.

Entering the Leo Sector, you captured the environment very well, from the moment they step off the elevator. Then, creating quite the contrast, your vivid description of the battlefield was brilliantly done. As a regular writer and consumer of gore and horror scenes in general (if you couldn't tell from my lovely face heh heh), I rate that moment 10/10 in quality -I mean, the substance itself is awful and horrific of course, but it was well-written lol.

Leading into Kitty's backstory, the fact that she was frozen and Fi-So had to try so hard to snap her out of it, really showed the shock and trauma of what she was remembering, and it becomes easy to empathize with her as a result. I mean, this revelation...

So much mistrust built up between the groups, that this war broke out. I fought for Les Cavaliers, eventually they pushed me to the frontlines. I can’t believe it’s still going on. It feels like barely anything has changed since I was here.”


The frontlines?! No wonder she was so horrified! Again, this reveals a horrifying point in Kitty's backstory and makes the reader empathize with her. It also makes me nervously curious if her presence here will force her back into the conflict, or on a brighter note, if she'll be able to do something to help end it. There are a lot of theories I can form from this.

Finally, Kitty tricking the jackpot machine was clever and made for a fun moment in such a rough chapter. And the ending created a sort of cliffhanger moment, of anticipation and anxiety:

She shushed Fi. “I don’t really like to mess with this kind of stuff a lot. Let’s get out of here before they realize we got a jackpot.”


It sounds like getting caught is a risk -and in this region, that can't be good...

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this chapter was great, nicely done! :)

Image




goodolnoah says...


Ouuu, I really like the changes you suggest here. I think I have trouble with whether or not to keep sentences together haha. I appreciate the suggestions and I plan to make the changes and keep them in mind! I also enjoy the more gorey/horrific scenes as well. They are some of my favorite to write! Thank you for the review!



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Sat Mar 30, 2024 8:46 pm
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PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello, friend!
I'm here to check out another chapter!!! Sorry it took so long, but I'm happy to be back!!

Image

Per my interpretation, this was an awesome chapter to pick back up on! I loved seeing more of the interactions between Fi-So and Kitty and watching their wonderful teamwork skills!!

Brief Summary:

Spoiler! :
Kitty and Fi-So leave Gila and Swanhild to finally go destroy the radiocore, but on their way there, the elevator stops working and they end up in the Leo Sector. This is where the rich people are, and that shows in the way they're all streaming and watching the war. However, this causes Kitty to have some flashbacks of her past. Because of this, Fi begins plotting a way to get out, resulting in both of them trying to make some money. Eventually, they cheat a casino game before going on their way.

This was a great plot! I really enjoyed exploring some of Kitty's past!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be one small thing related to your sentence structure at one point of the chapter. When Fi-So was trying to snap Kitty out of her flashback, you separated a sentence, causing it to be a little confusing. You said,

She moved to a more comfortable position and looked up at Fi-So. Who stared at her with a concerned look on their face.


I feel like this could all be one sentence by just removing the period because, as is, the second sentence kind of feels like a question. This was a little confusing and something I think could be fixed.

But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, it would be related to the way you show Kitty's emotions and how Fi-So responds to them in such a kind and unassuming way!! These two have such a beautiful relationship, and I absolutely love seeing how much they care for one another!

The first thing that stood out to me that relates to Kitty's emotions goes back to when Fi-So was asking Kitty about her thoughts in regard to going home. Fi read Kitty so well and was able to deduce what she was feeling so quickly. You said,

Kitty was silent.

“You’re afraid to go back, huh?”

“Yeah.”


I really like the way this portrays their relationship! They look out for one another and that shows! I also really like the way this implies that Kitty is still mourning something from back home—something she's not ready to face. It adds depth to her character and provides an extra layer to the overall plot! Good job here!!

The other thing that caught my eye as it relates to Kitty and Fi's relationship was the way you showed how much Fi just wants to keep Kitty safe! When Fi and Kitty were looking for ways to make money, you showed their love and attentiveness for Kitty so well! You said,

“Why don’t we split up, Fi? If I find a good job, then I’ll come and get you. We’ll cover more ground this way.” Kitty said.

“Are you sure you don’t want me around?”


Fi's looking out for Kitty just like any really incredible friend would! And that's awesome to see in this story! They have love and respect for one another that transcends their own comfort or solace, which sets this story up to have them fighting hand-in-hand the entire time! And that's something I'm very excited to see, so kudos to you for establishing their relationship this way!!


Overall, this was a really great chapter!! I enjoyed reading this, and I loved all that I learned! I'll check out the next chapter at some point in the future!!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




goodolnoah says...


Very nice observations you made about Kitty! I%u2019m happy their relationship came off well. Since Fi knows nothing about Kitty%u2019s past, I really wanted them to be more like the emotional backbone of the narrative, I%u2019m happy to see that be highlighted for you! Thank you for the review, it%u2019s really appreciated!




Once you have people's attention, you have a greater responsibility to tell them something of value.
— Tobias Forge (Ghost B.C.)