A love poem...

i liked reading your poem, i understand where your coming from and what your trying to portray. I'm sure other people can relate to this kind of situation, i know i can.

Hey there!

I liked this, it wasn't prententious and it wasn't trying to show off. The concept and ideas were good, if not a little bit, 'duh'. I think you need to build up a bigger visual image though, maybe by trying to tell a story instead of being vague. All, poems are, deep down, about emotions and other abstractions, but it's hard to build a strong poem using only abstractions - it's just not interesting. The key, then, is to replace or enhance abstractions with concrete images, things that you can appreciate with your senses: a rose, a shark, or a crackling fire, for example. The concept of the objective correlative may be useful. An objective correlative is an object, several objects, or a series of events (all concrete things) that evoke the emotion or idea of the poem.

Although sometimes, I found it wasn't emotional enough. It seemed a bit cold, not honest enough,a bit 2D. Let your poem come from your heart, not your mind or soul, but how you feel. As you think about how your feeling deep down inside your words will come out through your finger tips, slowly your words will unwind and become something beautiful on a piece of paper. Express your feelings don't hold them in.
Think about your 'love', how you feel when you are together or apart, what you miss most when you're apart, how you feel when you reunite. Write your thoughts and feelings. Poetry comes from your heart — your thoughts will create a love poem based on your feelings.

Good luck!

Sarah

nice! very emotional and it all sounds true. but it makes me wonder. why would you "And wish upon them horrible things"? if you really loved someone wouldnt you want whats best for them, even if that is letting someone else have them?
"Although you’ll never read it,

This poem is just for you,

I just need to get my feelings out,

I just wish you would too."

i love that stanza! it fits so well.... good job on the whole thing! keep on writing =p

This is very emotional. I liked the way you expressed yourself. I write a lot of things that are close to your style also.

Never did I think it possible,
To feel the way I do,
I cry myself to sleep at night,
All because of you.

I think about you all the time
And see you everyday,
But I can’t tell you the love I feel,
Or make it go away.

Thats depressing but good,









keep writing

Okay...

Never did I think it possible, I like the rhyming pattern and
To feel the way I do, the tempo it is flowing on. Good work on that
I cry myself to sleep at night, This has nothing to do with the critique, but no offense
All because of you. I've heard this stanza too many times in my life.


I think about you all the time Same thing, rhyming good and the tempo is a bit sketchy,
And see you everyday, but good.
But I can’t tell you the love I feel,
Or make it go away. You really bring out your emotions, which is good.


I get jealous of those whom you love, Here you went really Gothic with the wishing them all
And wish upon them horrible things, dead. The first line doesn't work for me. It's also a bit
But it makes me feel selfish, confusing. (This stanza)
Or whatever the day brings.


You don’t realise the truth, Realize!!
You think I like another, I liked this stanza, nicely thought out.
But the feelings I have for him,
Just keep those for you under cover.


You say that I’m your best friend, A bit cliche and ironic for me.
And sometimes that you love me,
Sometimes I tell myself,
We make a good couple, don’t we?


Although you’ll never read it, Really liked it. Very symbolic to me.
This poem is just for you,
I just need to get my feelings out,
I just wish you would too.


This is the very honest truth, Nice, but you don't have to put the ellipse in the end.
I really need to tell you, The first line is a bit confusing, but ah well. Still good.
That through all of my life, I would change it though...
I have wanted to be with you...

All in all, I liked it and you brought out your emotions, which is to me, very important.
The rhyming at some parts were sketchy and the tempo lost it a bit.
You could've tried to use more figurative speeches in this poem. It can work, but it doesn't mean I don't like this one.

This was great. I can feel your emotion as you write it. That could be because I'm in your possition.... Anyways! I loved this poem because it projects feelings that all people have at some point in their lives. Also, the rhyme doesn't seem forced at all. GOOD WORK!