Published June 2, 2011
Chapter 1: Scarlett Anderson (December, 15)
It was winter, after a long wait for the white snow to fall on Wendershaw Heights's ground. We were having our annual Winter's Night celebration. It was when we celebrate having winter again, since it was the town's favourite season, or Mayor Grisham's favourite season. Winter's Night was the biggest celebration, bigger than New Year's Eve. Everyone was scrambling to set up the party before the Mayor arrived to send out his speech about how hard we have worked through the seasons and why winter should be celebrated and blah, blah, blah. I should be helping too, but I decided to invest my time in taking photos of the beautiful landscape that we have now through my window, thanks to the snow. I've already taken 5-7 photos right now, and I am starting to understand why Mayor Grisham loves this season, it has a beauty that spring, summer, and fall doesn't have. I walked outside to get a better view.
The ground crunches at my feet while I walk through the snow, towards the forest. Hopefully, I'll get a sight of some wild animals like, I don't know, wolves or owls. I need some animal shots for my photography class. I wanted to be unique and not typical, like taking photos of dogs and cats, I need some real animals. I walk farther into the forest, no use. Farther and farther I went, and suddenly, I hear a snap behind me. I turn around fast, making my camera levitate for a second. There was no one, or nothing, there. With a bit of fear haunting through me, I run my fingers through my hair and walk back home, fast.
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Chapter 1 (Continued): Hunter Dean (December 15)
I was taking my usual walk through the forest without worry, until I saw someone in my forest. No one even tries to enter the forest! Not after hearing about the wolves attacking Jared Harlem! After making use of my brain and improvising, I think I scared her off. Who knew that snapping twigs could cause someone to worry with fear and run away? Not me! I hope she doesn't try to come back here, I can't deal with any more problems. I run back to my house (it is in the far end of the forest) once I hear my dad calling. I can see him standing outside on the Welcome mat.
"Hunter! Where were you?" He asked.
"I was just-"
"Scaring off animals again?" He asked again.
"No, not exactly," I answered. There was no use in lying.
" Well, you know you have to-"
"Yeah, yeah, hunt for foxes, that's why you named me Hunter," I cut him off.
He smiled. "Atta boy." He pats me on the back and shoves a gun in my hand, and with a wave of his hand, I leave.
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141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
You kept on changing tenses in this paragraph; Are you going to use past or present tense?
You switched tenses throughout the paragraph again; watch out for that.
You need to fix the tenses here, too.
Again, you need to fix the tenses here. What you need to do is choose a tense to write in {past or present} and stick with it.
I'm very interested in this story. It sounds good so far.
Hey, I'm intrigued! Can't wait to read more.
One minor error I found that is a pet peeve for me was here:
Not me! I hope she doesn't try to come back here, I can't deal with anymore problems.
Anymore should be "any more" (two separate words). As one word, it means 'any longer', which doesn't fit here.
Keep up the good work.
Okay, so my guess is that this is a continued short story. I wouldn't call these chapters, though, I'd just show some sort of dividing line between the two, especially with how short they are.
I would've liked to see where this was really going to go, some link that the characters have with the plot that's going to take place. Not necessarily the whole idea right in front of our faces but more of a glimpse of what this will be about. Either way, I'm interesting in what's coming next so if you continue this, feel free to message me.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver