At that world there is a place where poor stick persons lived.And a girl named Anna live there that is called A.At their place most people are called by their names first letter.A's hair is short.She had her sister and father with her.She loves drawing.Their breakfast is a fruit called "Disto".Their place is like a dessert that's why many of them are dark colored.
They live at a tent 'like thing.Whats fantastic in their place is there is a special tree in there which is called "Stick Maker".All you have to do is draw something in a paper in front of the tree and wish that it will come true.She drew a stick baby that is dark colored and loves sleeping.After a seconds of wishing it did come true!
She named it Ida or I.She take care of I very much.She gives it enough water to drink and enough milk to drink.She made I a small room that is also a tent 'like thing.
That's their life,simple,weird but fun!
That's just one story at this world from a kids imagination.Watch out for more!
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138,521 Literary Works • 672,149 Reviews
Hi
Just so you know I like the concept and idea of the story.
Next time you write, use more details, better grammer, and spelling.
Your stories not bad for a young writer, so don't get so down on your self about hurtful comments.
Overall, practice your writing and I hope to see it get better.
NoOne:)
Hey Pantig, Black here for a Review Day Review!
Simple problems. That's why I, Black, am here. I'm going to go through these three mistakes with you and do everything I can to explain and fix them. But remember: At the end of the day you're going to have to be the one to sit down and follow up on my advice, so be warned!
First off: Nice work. When I was your age my writing was . . . abominable. Far worse than this for sure! You have an interesting style, and an amazing looking (And, if I might add, original looking) idea, plus fairly decent spelling and grammar. If you have any problems its in your pacing, information, and grammar.
Anyway, I'm going to start with your Grammar:
What's your problem here? Well, mainly you only have 2 problems. Otherwise you're really good here! Your first problem is that you don't use spacing properly.
Whenever you have a period you must follow it with a space and then your writing. You can go 'txt. Txt', but not 'txt.Txt'.
Your next problem is with 'tent 'like'.
Fix that and your grammar will be pretty much perfect!
I'm going to avoid making this review too big for you and am going to lob your Pacing and Information problems and solutions together:
Okay, so really what your problem here is that you just don't have enough detail. Really, read your piece of writing here. Readers want details so that they can sit down and 'live' your story. It's fun to them. It's why they might buy your book if you ever publish it. That's why it's a really good idea, while your still a beginner writer, to make it a habit of putting in all the information and detail that your readers want. Here are a few important questions that a first chapter/introduction such as this one should answer: (Mind you, these are critical questions). What does A look like? What's this world like exactly? Do they have animals? Do the people live anywhere? How old is she? When did this happen? Is this a fantasy physical world or a fantasy mental world? . . . There are more, but I leave those to you to find.
But really! You have a GREAT idea going here. I really love your originality. I've never run into an idea such as this on EVER before. It's great to see. Anyway though, you really need to work on those two grammar problems, your information, and your pacing (How fast your story progresses). If you work on them hard enough, one day you'll wake up and know that you are a MUCH better writer. And you will be.
Good luck! And keep writing - improvement guaranteed.
~Black~
Hey!
Happy Review Day
I see this is your first post, welcome to YWS!
As you are writing this from the view point of a child it wouldn't be right to pick on the grammatical mistakes. That is how kids think.
Firstly I thought this was really good. The wild imagination of a kid, the fantasies they have, its projected really well here.
And a girl named Anna live[s] there., who is called A.
Had is has, considering they are still with her.
they live [in] a tent like thing.
these are the only thing I had a problem with. Otherwise this was a good read! I see potential in your writing.
Keep writing!
- manisha
Thank you for the review^^
I found this adorable! Little childrens minds are so active, its always fun to know what they are thinking of!I don't have to critique the story too much since it is by a small child. I will show you how to fix your stories so they are easy to read.
There is a world in a kid's imagination where only Stick Persons live. It is known as the world of Stikk.
For this, all you need to do is space out between the period. I fixed it as an example
At that world there is a place where poor stick persons lived. And a girl named Anna live there that is called A. At their place most people are called by their names first letter. A's hair is short.She had her sister and father with her.She loves drawing. Their breakfast is a fruit called "Disto".Their place is like a dessert that's why many of them are dark colored.
For this paragraph, you need to, again, space out the word after a period. That, and space out the words is and called. I have fixed it to show you.
They live at a tent 'like thing. Whats fantastic in their place is there is a special tree in there which is called "Stick Maker". All you have to do is draw something in a paper in front of the tree and wish that it will come true. She drew a stick baby that is dark colored and loves sleeping.After a seconds of wishing it did come true!
Yet again, space out the words after the period!
She named it Ida or I. She take care of I very much. She gives it enough water to drink and enough milk to drink. She made I a small room that is also a tent 'like thing.
Space out the words after the period..
That's their life,simple,weird but fun!
for this, space out the comas like so : That's their life, simple, weird but fun!
That's just one story at this world from a kids imagination.Watch out for more!
That's all I saw wrong with this, since it was by a small child. Keep making these, they are adorable!!! Consider yourself followed.
Thank you for the review^^
Hello Gian, Jordin here for a review, it will probably be a small one sorry anyway here goes.
well 'I' is a good name I think.I sure hope that this little review helps you out some.
First off NO QUOTES none at all they are very bad you make it sound like someone else wrote it not you and that makes the story sound incorrect.
Okay you wrote 'Kid's' pleural not all kids have that.
Well this is a interesting story I have never seen an idea like this one and it is a good one too.
Keep writing and good luck buddy.
I hope this small review helped you out.
~Jon~
Thank you for the review^^
That's one of my first story when I was a kid^^