Young Writers Society

Hello!

So overall I didn't really like this. I do like that you have some tension build up through the poem. You do a good job with keeping suspense going and making the reader continue forward. I think you have a good way with narrative, but as a poem, I didn't really like it. I think you were way too heavy handed with the rhymes. A lot of them just sounded cheesy because you've constructed this poem around them instead of around the images that are potentially there for this judgement day. I also feel like because everything is in caps, you really had to reach for a higher range, and that sort of failed the poem too. Think of it like a roller coaster, if you start at the top of the hill, you don't have the suspense of getting up there. Instead, you have to start at the bottom of the other side and gradually crawl up so that when you plummet, you've built all that suspense visually. Here, we're at the top of the mountain and there's no where higher to go when you're looking for that higher place for "He" and you end up using bold and italics, which just makes the poem look a bit tacky.

I think if you backed off using the caps lock, you'd find that the poem had a lot more space to really get into the volume you're looking for. You have a really good way with suspense and I think if you pushed that with using caps and lower cased letters you would find that you have a lot of room to build it even farther. Thanks for sharing this with us.

It is a nice start, good for someone who just started to upload his/her work.
I'm not really a fan of religion, but even so, I can say I liked "THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT".
One thing I didn't like (and this is only my opinion) it's the happy ending, for I use to dislike a perfect and happy finale, but in spite of that, very good job.