Love at First Sight

Hey there! I'm stopping by for a quick review of the fantastic poem that you wrote. Let's jump right into the review:

First of all, I really love the formatting of this. I enjoyed how you went through the different months of the year. You start with October, when you started to talk to this person, then in November you were together. in December, you're still together but things start to feel a bit weird, before January, when you and this person have drifted apart a lot and it feels like they're barely there anymore. And then in February they left. In my interpretation, this is a pretty literal poem. I think you're reflecting on a relationship you had with someone, perhaps a best friend or even a romantic partner. I love the simple, simple layout in the listing strategy you use with a different months describing the different changes in your relationship with them. It's very simple and straightforward, not complex with difficult words or metaphors, but instead you describe this gradual shift overtime.

Next month

Will you even be here

At all?

February, you left

Wow. This is a great poem. But I would suggest getting more in depth with the emotions. Maybe and more visual description or what the speaker thinks of the other person. Maybe add what causes them too grow apart, or if something forces them too separate. This poem is already great and I would rate it a 7.5 out of 10. With a little more imagery and cleverness with your words, I think you can make this better than it already is!

Wow. This is a great poem. But I would suggest getting more in depth with the emotions. Maybe and more visual description or what the speaker thinks of the other person. Maybe add what causes them too grow apart, or if something forces them too separate. This poem is already great and I would rate it a 7.5 out of 10. With a little more imagery and cleverness with your words, I think you can make this better than it already is!

Hi there gbs! Welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying it here so far—if you have any questions about how the sites works, I'd be glad to answer them (as would any moderator with a green username).

What stands out
I love how direct and clear your writing style is. You get straight to the point and really capture the reader's interest right away! Similarly, I like how your lines are all pretty short and similar length. It makes the poem seem very clean and easy to navigate—sometimes, really long lines or chunky stanzas can make a poem feel kind of intimidating to read, but yours doesn't do that at all.

I also think the emphasis on the progression of time works really well in this poem. Even the title incorporates this theme a bit—"Love at First Sight" kind of implies instantaneous love, or love within the first few seconds or minutes. So still draws into the idea of time passing! I especially like the closing line. It feels sort of sudden, but in a way that is very fitting to the topic and emotions being conveyed.

Areas for improvement
I'd encourage you to play around a bit more with word choice! In poetry, each word you choose plays an important role in establishing an overarching tone and mood as the you read. It's not quite like in prose, where sometimes individual words aren't quite as big of a deal. So, notice how you use the verb "feel" two lines in a row? Try branching out and choosing something a bit more expressive. Even with verbs that don't repeat, it doesn't hurt to see if you can find a more expressive or impactful word choice.

For example, if you swap "off" for "uneasy" in "Something feels off" —> "Something feels uneasy" it already becomes a lot more emotive.

Similarly, you use the word "here" a couple times—but that's a bit vague! What is "here"? Do you mean next to narrator? In the same city as them? in their arms? Typically, a good rule of thumb is that you want to be specific and expressive in your writing, and a lot of the time that can be achieved with word choice. You don't need to add tons of extra words, just choose the ones you do use carefully.

Overall
You do a great job of conveying a very relatable and painful experience. I think everyone knows the feeling of a relationship beginning to deteriorate until all the sudden—poof!—the other person is gone from your life, and it's a pretty unpleasant experience. I think your use of time as a linking thread throughout the poem works really well to show how the relationship develops and unfolds. Overall, great work! I can't wait to read more of your work. :)

~Hijinks

The truth of shyness. If you do not move forward you lose. I've learnt this lesson many times. To truly love an individual is to be able to lose them.
People do not understand the slow descent of a relationship until it's too late.
This is a truly sad thing, but the one thing you must remain knowing. Push on. In life you will fall, in life you will rise.
Look forward to the rise, but be prepared for the fall.
The fall in a relation is a natural thing, don't blame yourself.
I love how this portrays that natural descent and gives a simplistic view of loss while remaining sincere to the pain it brings.
Thank you for making this piece.

Sucks how accurate this is. You meet cool people and then it's like you never knew them at all. Beautiful simplicity in this poem, truly. I adore the way you created this somber tone throughout it. Really good work here!