A very thin teenager ,with extremly curly (kind of rough hair), pale turned to tan skin ,and pimples all over the face,well thats totally me.I actually regret the times when I spend thinking ,why do I have such rough hair? ,cant I have smooth, wavy hair like my mom's?, why did I turn so dark when I was actually very fair? , why do I have all these nerve recking pimples? .I used to be this girl at times(not all times),whose always moaning about her looks(in her heart and thoughts).Then when I started reading things like about being bullied and stuff, actually thought ,damn it I was never bullied and I should be super lucky about that.Living,in Dubai, studying in an Indian school ,we were actually never the victims ofbeing bullied and there were actually no bullies among ourselves, but ofcourse we had our slight share of making fun of each others but never crossed the friendszone.And then, when I continued reading about bullies and stuff I came across cases where victims started cutting themselves, trying to suicide,emotionally brocken down and even having a plastic surgery done.Is this right?Teens and tweens are being bullied for being who they are ,they are being bullied because of their caste,thier physical appearances, thier races, the way they dress,thier family, etc and the list goes on.Mostly its about the physical appearance and due to this girls from a very young age start crash dieting , missing lunch, dinner abd this affects the health very badly.Thanks to the critisicms recieved from the schools ,teens and tweens lose thier confidence in themselves,starts hating themselves, hating thier family.Have they come to this world to be treated like garbage?Should they hate themselves when thay are special and unique?No, they should'nt.To stop others from bullying them,teens must be proud of themselves, thinking everything in a positive manner.Bullies critisice you when they see that your weak, but once you start believing in yourself and love yourself, things will change,once you start to bother about thier stupid remarks , they hit on you even more,but the moment you show them that you dont care about thier stupid remarks ,they start to slow dow.Bullies might look harsh and strong from outside but inside they are tthe biggest coward,so next time you they pull a line at you, pull a line back, and remember always keep a loving adult by your side to whome you can say everything (cause they must have probably fallen in the same ditch,and for sure they know how to get out).And also one must remember,having a role model is nice,but never be someone else , you are unique the way you are and remember you might aspire to look like zero-figure slim girl or a really fit guy,but think again, a world full of similar slim and fit people can be super boring. Diversity and difference can only make the world a better place to live in.And last but not the least,accept who you are, your flaws (no one is perfect),always love and respect yourselfand yup "Live, Be and Breathe 'YOU'...............
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi Gaze. I'm GeeLee, and I'm going to review for you today.
"A very thin teenager, with extremly curly (kind of rough) hair, pale turned to tan skin, and pimples all over the face. Well, that's totally me.
I like the subject you're bringing us. I love how real it sounds; how you are being you throughout the whole topic. Although, I want to say, I don't agree with the whole essay. We should accept ourselves, yes. We should stop this epidemic bullying cases, yes. But remember that we are what we've lived; we've become what we are because of our experiences. And bullies, too, have a story behind their bossy faces. Personally, I believe that most bullies have been bullied, too, (whether if it was at school, or any other place) and that is why they act the way they do... Because, if you're the bully, it is unlikely that someone will bully you. I'm not justifying their actions, though. So, what I think is right is... do not hit back on the bully, tell an adult or try to talk to him/her to get to know and understand the person better.
Back to reviewing! You have some organizing problems. But no worries, I'm gonna help with that.
[Why does it matters? You may ask? Well, here's the answer: Organization is ridiculously important when you're writing, because appereance is important sometimes. We need paragraphs, and we need to use grammar and punctuation correctly. And, that is because if the writing looks complex, the reader will get lazy and won't read it, or will get distracted and lost. xD
Basically, what I'll do is that I'll take your topic, and I'll edit it how I think would look more attractive on the readers' eyes, okay? If you don't agree with some things, it's fine. Remember that YOU are the writer, after all. XD Click the spoiler.
Spoiler
I actually regret the times I spend thinking and wondering why I have such rough hair. Can't I have smooth, wavy hair like my mom's? And, why did I turn so dark when I was actually very fair? Why do I have all these nerve recking pimples?
I used to be this girl at times (not all times, though),who was always moaning about her looks (in her heart and thoughts). Then, when I started reading things about being bullied and stuff, I actually thought: Damn it I was never bullied, and I should be super lucky about that. Living in Dubai, studying in an Indian school, we were actually never the victims of bullying, and there were actually no bullies among ourselves. But, of course, we had our slight share of making fun of each other, although we never crossed the friendszone.
Then, when I continued reading about the subject, I came across cases where victims started cutting themselves, trying to suicide, emotionally brocken, and even having a plastic surgery done.
Is this right?
Teens and tweens are being bullied for being who they are; because of their caste, their physical appearances, thier races, the way they dress, their family, and the list goes on.
Mostly, it's about the physical appearance; due to this, girls from a very young age start crash dieting, missing lunch, dinner, and this affects their health badly. Because of the critisicms recieved from the other kids at the schools, teens and tweens lose their confidence in themselves, and starts hating themselves, and their own family.
Have they come to this world to be treated like garbage? Should they hate themselves when thay are special and unique?
No, they should not.
To stop others from bullying them, teens must be proud of themselves, think of everything in a positive manner. Bullies critisize you when they see that you're weak. But once you start believing in yourself, and loving yourself, things will change. Once you start bothering about their stupid remarks, they hit on you even more, but the moment you show them that you don't care about their stupid remarks, they start to slow down.
Bullies might look harsh and strong from the outside, but on the inside, they are the biggest cowards, so next time they pull a line at you, pull a line back. And, remember to always keep a loving adult by your side, someone to whom you can say anything (cause they must have probably fallen in the same ditch, and for sure they know how to get out).
Also, one must remember, having a role model is nice, but never be someone else; you are unique the way you are, and remember, you might aspire to look like zero-figure slim girl, or a really fit guy, but think againl; a world full of similar slim and fit people can be super boring. Diversity and difference can only make the world a better place to live in. And last, but not the least, accept who you are; your flaws (no one is perfect),always love and respect yourselfand. Yup! "Live, Be, and Breathe YOU.
Hi GeeLyria , Thank you sooooooo much for the review.I've just started writing, and I'm bound to make a million mistakes.It's great that you have helped clear some mistake s even though I am not so sur about the bullies..
Any way thank you,
Gazelle
It's a very good story--I loved the meaning, the emotion behind each word, the phrasing, and the idea of writing something involving this topic (I TOTALLY approve). However, there is room for improvement.
Throughout the piece, there were a number of gramatical errors, misplaced commas and words that are not of word, of course. An occasional misspelling as well. Also, for a cleaner and more lucid read, spacing is key so it flows easier, and so the reader has a more simple time reading it. Just a thought...the last part isn't necessary, I just find it helpful. But other than that, I really liked the story itself--it was very thoughtful and provoking.
Yours pychotically,
- thelocalmaniac
Thanks for the comments, lets keep our fingers crossed and hope that I'll do better next time.............
Gazelle