Drept did I
the starry sky
filled with lights
that shoot and fly
sparkles soar
and comets blaze
as I watch face to amaze
Oh starry sky
why
that you must leave
when dawn comes breaking in
oh starry sky
I do cry
when the blaze grows dim
My sleep did fade
as I shade
the daylight from my eye
I wake up I say
for a new day
goodbye my starry sky
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140,537 Literary Works • 673,408 Reviews
okay so I have had a lot of questions bout my line "as I watch face to amaze." Some people don't like it or don't understand it, but I myself appreciate the line. It means my face is amazed. I will stick a comma in there so it makes more sense, but thank you so much for the critique!
Ello Gallifreygal11. Jonathan here for a review, hope it helps.
First off you need lots of punctuation, lots more I mean.
What do you mean by "As I watch face to amaze"? :S
Uh well I got to say some work can be done on this, that's a good thing though. Some of it doesn't make sense like your asleep and you see the starry sky's and such or is it a dream?
Need to be clear.
Keep writing and good lick.
~Jon~
Hello there! Forgive me, I am not very much a poet so my advice isn't going to be the best. Anyway, I really like your poem. You put nice imagery in it while at the same time keeping it metaphorical. It has a real nice flow to it. I love how you played with the words so that not only did they rhyme, but they sounded more intelligent. I really couldn't find anything more than one tiny flaw.
"as I watch face to amaze"
This line just sounded kind of awkward in my opinion, but that might just be me.
But anyways, your poem is overall perfect. It gives this very beautiful dream-like feel. You have manged to make the tone obvious without actually physically needing to shove the words "this is supposed to feel like this" in the poem. Overall, great poem. Please keep up the good work, and I hope this review was somewhat meaningful.