Hello! So I'm new the site and thought I'd just give a quick intro.
Brief Plot:
*WARNING: There is mild cussing throughout this entire story. Reader's discretion is advised.
It was below freezing that desolate autumn night, which was odd for Portland in the middle of November.
This didn’t seem to bother Finn Teygan, whose Nike shoes were mercilessly pounding against the asphalt road. If wearing ragged denim shorts that showed more leg than what her mother would find appropriate and a ’NeverShoutNever!’ t-shirt wasn’t bad enough, she didn’t even have her jacket on properly; one sleeve had been rolled up, displaying her inner-arm – coated in blood, while the other was stained with smudged eyeliner and mascara. Half the jacket was in fact falling off her shoulder as she ran, and the zipper was barely zipped up halfway. Anyone could’ve taken a single look at Finn - pretty Finn, who was always full of confidence and self control - and thought she was absolutely crazy.
She ignored the stares and gawks people on the sidewalks gave her. She could hear a few murmurs, all the same: ’Should we call 911?’ ‘Probably just another drunk.’ ‘Honey, don’t stare.’
She carelessly hopped the familiar gate of the familiar house she’d approached minutes later, but fell on the grass on the other side blinded by tears in her eyes.
She approached the ladder she always hid behind a nearby tree in the backyard, wincing in pain as she gripped the cold metal and placed it against the back wall of the fairly large house, so it was directly under a faintly lit window.
Climbing up, she looked at her arm: it was still bleeding. She continued to then stumble on the ladder, slipping and hitting her elbow and knee. When finally reaching the top, she weakly knocked on the window.
“Finn, I thought you said you weren’t- holy shit. Finn?”
Blaize Kessler opened his window, expecting his best friend to be staring at him with smiling eyes. Only this time, he didn’t recognize these eyes; they were bloodshot, watery, dark. Black rings formed under them, obviously from lack of sleep, exceeded periods of crying and smudged makeup. His eyes then traveled down to her arm, where they widened even more and his jaw dropped in horror. “What the fuck, Finn? Your arm is-”
“Can you just let me in?” She asked, her voice weak and shaky. Blindly, he took her by the bloody arm to help her through the window into his room.
“Wait.” he told her firmly, rushing to the bathroom for anything he could find to stop the bleeding and clean the blood. Running back to his room moments later, he saw his best friend’s eyes droop, and her body sway.
“Whoa, Finn.” he murmured, dropping everything in his hands to catch her before she collapsed. “Finn, c’mon. Don’t do this. You’ve gotta stay awake for me, Finn. You’ve gotta- good. Here.” His eyes darted around his room, frantically searching for the glass of water he’d set out for himself earlier. He let her take a feeble sip, sighing as water still trickled down her neck, which had been covered in dirt upon her arrival only 60 seconds ago.
10 minutes later, Blaize had sat Finn down on a nearby chair, tending to her wounds. He was kneeling in front of her, violently tearing at the fabric bandage with his teeth, which was clearly not working. Growling, he aimlessly tossed it aside, ripped off the hem of his t-shirt and wrapped it around her arm. “Just get a better bandage when you get home.” he muttered, getting up.
“That was your favorite shirt.” Finn mumbled, her eyes half open. “I’m sorry, Blaize.”
“You should be. Damn it, Finn. What the hell were you thinking?”
Finn’s head still hung, her eyes staring blankly at her lap. Her brown waves covered her face, shielding it from Blaize so he couldn’t see the shame and heartbreak in her eyes.
She said nothing, which obviously irritated him.
“Finn, I don’t know what’s going on with you. Last night, you told me you weren’t going to stop by tonight. I knew why already, so don’t bother trying to explain yourself there. Goddamn it, you’ve been blowing me off so fucking much lately for Martin that-” and he stopped, cut off by Finn who had begun to cry again. He ran his hand over his face, knowing exactly what just happened.
“Oh, God. Finn,” he placed his hand on her shoulder, “did that bastard break up with you?”
He could feel, just touching her shoulder, her entire spine stiffen; her blood began to heat up, and her muscles tensed until he thought they might snap.
The entire night, Blaize had kept Finn in a tight embrace on the hardwood floor of his bedroom. She’d curled up into a ball that closely resembled a cocoon in her state, and all he could do was hold her close. ’Pathetic, Blaize. Say something, damn it. he thought.
“Finn? Can I ask you something?” Blaize asked almost too softly, that Finn could not in-fact recognize his voice for a moment. She revealed one vermillion eye from behind the curtain of brown bangs, blinked once, and nodded slowly.
“Is he the reason you... did this?” His eyes traveled slowly down to her mutilated arm. Finn blinked and hid her face again. Blaize felt her shoulders shake, and heard her breathing become uneven again.
The girl sitting on the ground and reacting like this was not the same girl he had been best friends with throughout the years. He did not know this girl.
Abruptly, he stood up and looked down on her, taking a deep breath.
“Finn, you need to get yourself together. This isn’t you. This girl; this... beautiful, calm, certain girl I met in 5th grade? She’s not here anymore and she’s been replaced by a crying, hopeless, thing whom we both know is capable of more than what she’s giving me, here.” Blaize sighed, “Finn, come on. I know you can do this. I’ll help you, I promise. I’ll never leave your side. Best friends, remember?” He knelt down and lifted her head by her chin, “Remember?”
She bit her lip, and the tears stopped. She nodded, her eyes clamping shut as he helped her up and was immediately greeted by Finn’s arms wrapping themselves tightly around him. He could swear he heard her whisper ’Thank you.’ into his ear, but couldn’t bear to ask her for anything more.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hello! First of all, welcome to YWS. I hope your stay is full of child-like wonder and amazement.
Just to let you know, I will be putting indents and breaks in your story. I agree with Nike, the lack of spacing does make this a bit intimidating, but I will try to give a helpful review anyway. Well, here goes.
This was very nice and I have the feeling that it could really be something! There is no way that I caught all of your errors, I'm fully convinced that I may have even corrected something that needed no correcting at all. Well, that's all! Once again, welcome to YWS. Bye!
Loveless~
Hi! Welcome to YWS. I hope that you will have a great time here! Now to reviewing...
I wasn't really excited to red this because of the length. You didn't split the paragraphs. It looks HUGE. This will scare of readers'. You should edit that.
I liked your idea for this story. It was nice. Your dialogue is brilliant! Everything is good but re-read this so if yo find any mistakes-edit them. Keep Writing!
Nike