Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
I love this poem!! It is very pretty and pretty descriptive too. there
are just a few things I noticed that could improve your poem, and
possibly (maybe) make it a little more interesting as well.
The first thing I noticed, is that you did not capitalize in certain areas
that needed it. Also, you did not capitalize the word 'i'. in "and again
i think to myself...." You should always capitalize proper nouns.
In your third stanza, 'lulabyes' is spelled incorrectly. The correct
spelling is lullabies. The 'y' in the word turns into an 'i' , don't forget!!
In your fifth stanza on the last line, I wasn't quite sure what you meant
on '...the blanket covered night.' Why was the night a covered blanket?
What was the blanket covering the night? Next time, try and use an adjective
or noun. You should let the reader know what the 'blanket covered night.' is.
Another thing I noticed, is you didn't use a few comma's were they are
needed. In 'and sleep in the winters like a hibernating bear,' you might
consider placing a comma after 'winters' it is not completely necessary though,
because this line has a simile, so it is optional as well. In the sentence
'the sunlight that shines so bright through the.....' you might think about
placing a comma after the word' bright.'
In your last stanza, I have a few ideas that might help in your writing.
You should try your best to avoid using the word 'and' to begin your sentence.
maybe try using 'once' instead of 'and.' Don't forget to capitalize your I's too.
Another comma tip, try placing a comma after 'myself' because when I read it
in my mind, I automatically put a pause after 'myself.' My last tip for your beautiful
poem, is your closing punctuation. To me, either way is good, but if I were the
one writing this, then I would only put one period after 'world.'
Beautiful poem, I loved it so much and I think it is great. Keep writing!!
This was a cool little poem. It was quite short, but I think it's fine that way. The only thing that I would suggest is to make more organized stanzas rather than writing out random lines that don't necessarily go together. It was a bit choppy, but great job otherwise!
Keep writing,
Nessa
PS It would be great if you checked out my new poem "A Lovely Toll." Thanks!
I love the imagery you used here, it's very effective. The only real fault I could point out is some parts didn't quite flow for me but it's very well done.