During the chalet…
Everyone presented including those big shots. Lan as the organizer told everyone to talk to and play with her as if she was one of them. The whole class was too excited about the chalet and forgotten their feelings to Huo and start to introduce themselves. As a return, Huo gave everyone her first real introduction.
Huo: “Hello, everyone, i suppose you all know my name, it means fire in chinese, my family named me that because they want me to be like fire, hanging on to the last moment even though there are challenges up ahead. But it seemed that I was being regarded as ice mountain. Thus, I hoped that after the chalet, we all can be friends and allowed everyone to understand me even more…ya”
Everyone claps as loud as they could and started to crowd around Huo. They started the barbecue while some playing around like monkeys. Up to this scene, Huo finally gave them her first smile and joined the party and helped the others on cooking the food. Danny saw Huo getting comfortable with the class and smiled, she went up ahead and helped Huo out. Both of them while preparing the food, chatting became their other activity. The whole fun moments ended as the moon disappears from the night…
(At night)
Huo was strolling along the beach, thinking of the afternoon happenings. She smiled at the sky as it was the first time she had friends around her, not one, not two, but lots. Like other people, having their friends surrounded them, go shopping, watch movies and even sing karaoke. She knew that from this moment, she wasn't alone anymore, just a little more harder, she could be like those people.
Huo walked back to the chalet and saw Lan sat at the bench, watching the beautiful night. She stepped closer and sat beside him.
Lan: “Hi, wanna have a drink?”
Huo: “Erm…what's this?”
Lan: “something funny”
Huo: “Then better don't give me.”
Lan: “haha…”
They chatted around here and there, just like long-time-no-see friends. Due to curiosity, Huo tried the funny drink and fainted. Lan slowly felt that he was getting hot over his body, he thought that he was being tired and so he carried Huo to the girls bedroom and put her to bed. He looked at Huo with his gentle eyes while doing her hair. At last, Lan kissed her and smile while saying something: “Huo, you are so cute...” Then he fall asleep beside Huo.
The next day…
Danny: “Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! What the hell are you doing here?!”
Lan: “Oops, I’m sorry, erm…yesterday, I felt giddy and end up being here…I go out right now.”
Classmate: “Wait, you shouldn't be here in the first place, speak the truth if not I tell your mum.”
Lan: “Erm…I am sorry for that, can you please don’t tell my mum, she gotta kill me if she knows it. I can explain. Well, I was talking with Huo at the bench and she felt sleepy so I help her to the room but don't know why, I felt so sleepy too and...”
Classmate: “Hmm...That’s a valid reason but did you do that with Huo?”
Lan: “of course not, I’m a gentleman, okay?!”
Classmate: “ok... (I am a fool if I believe you…)”
Lan thought that everything had settled, the classmate who saw them together hadn’t speak anything about it so Lan thought that they were just sleeping together. Finally, the chalet ended and everyone went home.
(Lan's home)
Lan's mum: “stop right there, did you do anything foolish outside?”
Lan: “Of course not, you know that I’m a playboy but I will not do this kind of thing.'
Lan's mum: 'Alright, I believe you temporary.'
(After two weeks)
Huo was on her way to school, she felt something wrong with her stomach and wanted to vomit. She went to the nearest washroom and calmed herself down while thinking the previous night in the chalet. Huo finished her business and went to the nearest pharmacy and bought the pregnancy tester. Huo went back to the same toilet and use the tester and she founded that she was pregnant...
Huo went out crying and saw Lan standing outside the toilet, it seems that he was following for her.
Lan: 'So how? Are you...'
Huo: 'None of your business.'
Lan: “I was just concern about you…”
Huo: “Concern? There is nothing call concern in this world! Perhaps you thought that I would want you to be responsible for it but don't worry, I will take care myself, I don't need any concern any pity. This child, I will raise it on my own and he doesn't need a father!”
Just as Huo finished her words, Lan grab Huo out of a sudden and drag her to his home.
Huo: “Hey! Let go of my hands, it hurts..!”
Lan: “Maria! Open the door!”
Maria (Lan’s home maid) went to the door and opened it and saw Lan dragging Huo into the house anxiously. Lan went on further to his mum’s room. He knocked the door and his mum somehow heard the door knocking.
Lan: “Mum, its me, please open the door!”
Lan's mum: “The door wasn’t lock, please come in.”
Lan’s mum: “I would like to inform you something. This girl named Huo, she had my child and I want to be responsible for that. Please approve our marriage.”
Huo was brought in nearer to Lan's mum.
Lan's mum started to displease and scold Lan: “I had told you many times to be careful and responsible for your actions. What’s happening now! You actually told me that this girl was having your child and you wanted to marry her. Both of you are not even a couple!”
Lan’s mum took a deep breath and went on talking: “Alright, alright, I guess marriage is the solution to settle this. But I suppose this girl wasn’t willing to marry you, shouldn’t you ask her opinion before telling me?”
Lan’s mum looked at Huo and hint for her response.
Huo: “Thanks auntie for the offer but I don't want a marriage just because I had his baby and I don't need a husband who don't like me. I'm going off now'
Lan: “So what if I like you? Now, listen, it seemed that you may not need a husband but our child needs a complete family that had both the dad and mum. Let me take care of you…”
Huo look at Lan gently, having doubts in her eyes, she hesitate and think for a while. However, she just couldn’t believe Lan’s words and prepared to go off. And just when Huo started to walk towards the door, Lan hugged her from the back and said: “I love you. I am serious…” Lan hugged Huo tighter and even the coldest girl of the world will stop her struggling and enjoy Lan hug…Huo hesitate even more, her tears started to roll down from her rosy cheeks, she wanted to believe and finally she said something touching: “I love you too…”
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Canary word: Present
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Hey! Here again!
You should definitely check out all the stuff in my last review, so I'm not going to restate any of that. I'll focus on some other things for this review.
Who are those big shots? The reader likes to know things like this, even if they are simple seeminly unimportant details.
This seems a little odd for an introduction. She seemed a little shy before, but then she goes on this huge explination on the origins of her name? Imagine how you would introduce yourself to a group of people you didn't know and weren't entirely comfortable with. Unless you are more outgoing than Huo, then imagine how someone shy would act. If you know someone shy, or less outgoing, then think of how they act around large groups of people.
This entire part moves so quickly! Slow it down, buddy
Who is this classmate? Where did they come from? Even if they will only be there for a minute, it's okay to give them a slight amount of description for the sake of the reader.
Woah! I had no idea the two did that together. This sort of surprise is a bit much for a reader. It should at least have been hinted at, and there needs to be realistic reason for them to sleep together. It seems they just met, and Lan didn't seem the kind of person who would take advantage of Huo when she was weird on the strange drink. Realism is key.
On the note of realism, the rest of this is a bit unrealistic as well. Or at least it's a bit fast paced for a reader. Slow it down a bit, let Huo hesitate a bit more, and let Lan pester her. Plus, them being in love is unrealistic. They've just met, and they seemed to not feel that strongly for each other. Marriage is a bit realistic for their situationand what seems to be their culture, but love is something that should take a bit longer. Plus, it leaves a lot of stuff to carry through the story and keep a reader hooked.
I hope I've helped some with this review. I still see a lot of promise in this story, and it is very interesting. Keep up the hard work, and good luck!
Keep Writing!
-Lauren-