I think I am sleeping more and more
until I never wake up.
I have drawn this careful conclusion
after eight, then ten, then too many hours pass
and that bone-deep weariness won’t leave.
Like there is no such thing as enough sleep.
I am forced to choose between
sleeping through my life and wishing I was.
It’s a kind of death, I think.
Just not like drowning or suffocating.
I am not gasping for breath,
hungry for what I am being deprived.
It does not burn, but it aches.
I am not dying, but my spirit is.
My alarm goes off.
I lay in bed, kept company by the thought
“No one will miss me.”
Not really. Not the way I already miss myself.
The longer I lie there, the more it seems
the wakeful in-betweens are
the nightmares I want to wake from.
My companion pulls the covers over my head.
I wish my comforter lived up to its name.
I hit snooze.
When I open my eyes, will it still ache?
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
youve conveyed the feelings of hopelessness and despair, i think, quite wonderfully here. my favorite line has got to be, "i wish my comforter lived upto its name."
phrases like "bone-deep weariness" really brings this piece to life; shows us what it is like to experience sadness; what its like to be human.
Hey!! Forever here with a review!!
Okay I think that this was an excellent piece we had here. It presents to us a very realistic scenario that the present generation at least experience kind of everyday. It has indeed become an everyday problem for a lot of people.
This presents a very good version of insomnia and its effects. Or maybe not acute insomnia but hm... This definitely seems like the thoughts of a person who is not being able to get enough rest, for a lot of reasons as we can understand from the word 'nightmare'. You did a great job at telling us to see the reason, to understand the narrator and theie mindset.
Hm... Not very directly related but I think it would actually be quite good if you could include a clearer version of the reasons in the poem. Like you mentioned that this poem is a reply to people when they ask you why you are tired. I think in a lot of cases(at least in mine), these 'people' are the reason behind the sleeplessness a person feels and thus the tiredness from it. That gives you the perfect chance to point at people. Oh wow, this became a bit personal. I just couldn't stop myself from writing it...
Overall, great job!
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
This is gem for a review.
I enjoyed this poem, it has a very meloncholly feeling and I know the feeling or at least my version of it. The poem reads as a mixture of insomnia, dissasociation, and tiredness mental and physical. I really relate to the poem it resonates. The stylistic choices of grammar and capitalization work pretty well with the poem too. I do not see any grammatical errors, but i am curious how would this look:
The poem seems to move like a wave and I would love to see that highlighted.
Have a nice day/night. Keep writing. Much love, CoffeeGemini <3333333
This was very descriptive and detailed.How you talk about being afraid to fall asleep,because of these cascading thoughts.All I have to say for that is to breathe and relax when your head hits the pillow.You’ll feel better.But overall,this poem was descriptive and well-done.I liked reading this short poem.Going to bed can be hard sometimes.I hope you have a good day and night.