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The Foreseeable Future

by frogforest


Oddly enough, I can’t picture a future for myself.

I am blind, looking into the foreseeable future.

Unhealthy doses of corporational enslavement ideologies was what I was raised on. A purposeful life, working from eight in the morning to seven at night, I was taught. Productivity has no room for individuality, I learn. My worth, built upon the number of people I can undermine. Climb off others' failure, taking success from those just like me.

Clear paths were constructed for me to follow. Possibilities were no more than illusions, immature visions never to be fulfilled. And so it began, endless hours of studying and working. Endless hours of mindless spiraling. Endless hours of shutting down ideas beyond that of the template. Suppress it, the temptation of differentiating.

But these fruitless endeavors came with consequences, as does everything else in life. Maybe my punishment was not put in effect right away, but I sure do feel the effects today. At the time, the past, increasing amounts of self righteousness blinded any strands of common sense left. Qualities I had possessed, stubbornness and ignorance, were the foundation for a road of crumbling pavement, and liquid gravel. Concrete flowing through my grasp like grains of sand. Years later, the roads have collapsed into roaring rivers, leading to the ocean. When the final destination is met, my self demise begins. All I know is that I can’t reach the ocean. It’s all over if I do.

I think there’s a name for people like me, I don’t know it though.

Caught up in the moment, I had never asked myself if this was what I wanted. Slowly walking towards my inevitable expiration. Somehow, the expression of life had become: destination > present. And when the seed of doubt was planted in my mind, it grew. A seedling grew into the Amazon rainforest.

Could this singular doubt be the reason I can no longer trust anything? Could this singular doubt be the reason my motivation has all but diminished? Could this singular doubt be the reason a significant divide has been growing between dreams and reality has been thriving in my mind?

It is very likely.

I was watching a documentary when I realized my life was a waste. Ha ha. A girl, a boy, and their dog traveled across North and South America in a renovated school bus. I knew something was wrong when I caught myself pushing thoughts of longing from my mind. I knew something was wrong when I caught myself putting shame upon the idea of a non structured life, even though the very thought of it appealed to my senses. Hypocrisy is the worst disease.

But,

The Amazon rainforest is being destroyed, tree by tree.

Perhaps realizing you were living a real-life marketing scam can take a toll. Why is this the state of our existence? To look at the world today, is to look at a flaming plane flying straight down into the darkest layer of the ocean. We have gotten lost along the way. That is to say, there might not be any hope after all. A miracle is what it would cost, to save us all. Write me a relatable analogy please.

With that said, even the darkest mindsets didn’t control me forever. They never left, I doubt they ever will, but they moved aside. Much of my current life is shaped around my understanding of the conflicting mindsets. And finding that balance, even if it is rather disturbing, saved me.

The best moments were unplanned, without past conduct. A perfectly orchestrated party darkens the mood, making me cry when I think no one is looking. Pitying someone else hurts more than self pity. But moving past that pity, turning it into understanding—

Maybe I was better off concealing the entrance to my mind.

I was better off. Please don’t make me think.

Because I couldn’t answer your question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” 


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28 Reviews


Points: 193
Reviews: 28

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Thu May 13, 2021 5:03 pm
zekcede wrote a review...



Hey, Zekcede here!

This is amazing! It's really interesting to read things like this, I find them extremely intriguing because it's cool to look at other people's thoughts on things like this. I also love that kind of twist at the end of the story of "Because I couldn't answer your question, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'" and the feeling it give of child-like innocence, but also kind of premature-maturity, like growing up before you should, and I think that it gives your work a specific quality that I can't name at the moment but if I think of it, I'll reply to this review. All in all, I think this is a spectacular work, so keep it up.




frogforest says...


Thanks for the review. I think that it's interesting that you interpreted this piece as a premature-maturity type vibes thing. Another way to look at it could be the subject realizing something later than everyone else. Maybe like someone who got left behind. I wrote this from my own experiences, and I think I came to the realization that my future is a big question mark pretty late in my life.
Let me know when you remember that quality you were talking about up there!



zekcede says...


I also ended up thinking that it might be so meone looking back on the question at an older age and thinking about how the question is kind of impractical



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Thu May 13, 2021 9:16 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi frogforest,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

You have built up a very interesting and exciting thesis and connected it with your own thought processes. I like how you try to find a way through the text, for yourself and maybe also as a guide for others.

Unhealthy doses of corporational enslavement ideologies was what I was raised on. A purposeful life, working from eight in the morning to seven at night, I was taught. Productivity has no room for individuality, I learn. My worth, built upon the number of people I can undermine. Climb off others' failure, taking success from those just like me.


I like this introduction. I understand what you are trying to say and I see the flaw in this worldview in the failed attempt to portray capitalism as the best system. Some go down unnecessarily because they don't benefit economically. You have portrayed very well by referring to a bleak, (dystopian) future where, without imagination or will of our own, we have to work until we break and are replaced just to buy products we don't need to impress people we don't know. That's not life anymore, it's not survival either, it's standing on the assembly line until you reach the end and fall into the coffin.

And so it began, endless hours of studying and working. Endless hours of mindless spiraling. Endless hours of shutting down ideas beyond that of the template. Suppress it, the temptation of differentiating.


This section is also good. I think you've tried to expose the school and its system in a critical section, because already there you're treated as a number that's only there to satisfy the elders in the age pyramid.

All I know is that I can't reach the ocean. It's all over if I do.


That's such a sad and yet beautiful description you've put here. I like how you use the ocean as a metaphor and insert this melancholic sentence that really shows that you can't do any more.

I think there's a name for people like me, I don't know it though.


That's also a good expression you use there. It seems to be an attempt to have forgotten something specific in the flood of things you have to learn. It's as if you have knowledge in all subjects, but it's only superficial.

You have written a very fascinating text, which stands out because it can probably be understood by many. In today's world, you get lost with all the media you have and you lose hope and the will to even want to achieve anything because you can't as a small fish.

You've done wonderfully with your sentence structures to give a good text where you can see that in some places you've tried to use some specific methods to make the sentences not seem the same.

The insertion of your own thoughts in between seems like an attempt to stand out among all the others, but it also always seems like you get lost in it again.

The text ends with a good question, where I hope that the reader is also clear about what he should do. At least he should have fun and not wait for the wrong and negative comments of others where he loses courage.

You have served up a really exciting thing, sometimes a little too doom and gloom, and yet it was a pleasure to read.

Enjoy the writing!

Mailice.





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Stupid risks make life worth living.
— Homer Simpson