Running like the wind toward my lake away from my discoverer. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to make it there, I had to create another way to make my midnight surprise go bye bye. No way was I gonna die tonight. Not after all that hard labor. The bear smelling me out and continuing in my direction. Running that distance, made it possible for it to hear my gasping breathes. I starred up to the stars praying for help. Reaching up to the closet stable branch, years of practice made me an expert. Starting to climb the big tree with all I had left.
Nails as sharp as knives crushed my right ankle! A scream held itself in my throat, passing as a silent cry. I tried to keep my hold, but the pain vibrated threw my entire body. Flinching, I fell to the ground. Surrounded by leaves and dirt, the bear made its way to me. Hovering above my body, his breath trickling down to my face, heat covered my body. Warm liquid started soaking my shoe. Looking into his wild eyes, I saw my reflection- that girl wasn’t me. She had the eyes of a child- filled with terror of dying. Her lips quivering with fear. Her hair flushed with sweat. If I was- and I was- gonna die tonight I have to do it with a smile for my time is over. I will finally rest.
I closed my eyes, watching myself as a child walking into the arms of my mother, Rosa. Her smile filled my heart with warmth, and I was ready to go- her lips curving the words. “Come daughter”. I reopened them finding the bear as I expected it would be- one of his arms in the air ready to strike my face.
“Esmeralda! Fight back!” his voice echoed in the forest. He wasn’t that far he would reach me any second, dead. I couldn’t bring myself to do what Peter said. I was ready.
Hearing the most wonderful sound before the bear dug his nails into my flesh. I could trace it anywhere, even the littlest of winds it passes. An arrow shot for its target. The bears screams continues after it… and then mines. Peter shot the bear before it could kill me… but I wasn’t far behind. His nails came inches from my heart, landing on my left shoulder blade.
I drowned in my blood, filling out of me onto the earth. My mouth coughing out the warm, irony liquid- losing more blood by the minute. Tears leaked from my eyes, I blinked only to make my vision sour.
He pulled the bear off me, pulling them out of me. More tears swam on my face as the pain cursed my body. He picked me up, and started running. Each hard jump left me gasping for air. He didn’t say anything for he was scared to say something wrong. But anything he said made me smile.
“Hey stranger” I say.
He tries to laugh, but you can tell he is crying. “Hold on” he crakes “please for me baby sister.” I don’t reply until I know where he is taking me. He is taking me to the city. The hospital.
“Peter, I saw mom… she is waiting for me.” I try to let it sink into him, and continue. “I wanna rest” closing my eyes.
“No! You can’t leave me, stay for me.” I was the only person he truly had. Like he was the only person I had. How could I have been so selfish?
“I’m sorry, Peter. I just miss her so much, its hurts. She was a part of me….” I try to continue, but I can’t as more blood pukes out of my mouth. Then ask, a nasty smell spread into the atmosphere as I talked, “Where will I go?”
“Your favorite place in the world, Esme. Just call out our signal.” He says as we reach the lights of the 24/7 hospital here.
I see him more clearly with the bright lights. His blue crystal eyes are red from the tears, his checks streaked with lines, his black hair glued to his head by the sweat.
“I can’t go. You know they will start asking questions, Peter.”
“I’ll take care of it, just get better Esmeralda Raven Clark.” He kissed my forehead as he laid me on the cement. “Help! Please help! My friend… she got attacked by a wild animal. See ya kid. I love you.” He whispered the last 2 sentences in my ear, and blended into the night.
“I love you” I whispered as my brother watched me from darkness. He wouldn’t leave until they carried me inside.
Hearing the sound of the door opening to the clicks of the nurses’ shoes to the rolling bad. I grunted as they heaved me onto the bed. They didn’t have the loving caring hands of my brother. They spoke as if they were talking a foreign language about my conditions. Groaning as the lights got brighter as we passed each door. They finally turned into one room and started working over me.
“Hold on” a girl nurse said. Though at that second I collapsed into deep sleep.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Dude, I read the bow and arrow bit, but when I went to reread it, I thought I was hallucinating. XD If he's far away from her, there's no way he could get there in time! And then she would be dead. D:
Well... not to say that she isn't dead! Clearly, the ending is open. But she's more obviously dead.
Wolf pack may slightly be worse! After all, it's usually not a lone wolf... it's a full on wolf pack. And, as my sister (whose school's mascot is a wolf pack) would say, you don't mess with the wolf pack.
A possibility might be a sting of some sort... though that's not as impressive as a bear!
Lol, I know its impossible to outrun a bear- Im not kookoo! I just wrote this, so this is a really first rough draft. Thats why she didnt make it far at all. How about a wolf? Should I change it to a wolf? Would that make better sense? Yes it would have been a lame story if I went in that direction.
thanks Snoink
Peter wasnt there, she was alone before he came. They just have a strong bond- as brother and sister- he knew she was in trouble. And he has no gun, arrows and bow is what he is using.
I'll try to increase the drama just for you.
Fries! A story! *pounces!*
Now! For the story! First, the annoying scientist in me wants to remind you that it's pretty hard to outrun a bear. And out climb a bear. And, in general, out-do anything by a bear... it's just not a good idea! But! At the same time I realize that you don't just want to have a story that goes like, "Esme easily avoids the bear because the bear isn't interested in her." That would be a pretty lame story!
Anyway, my suggestion is to make Peter try to draw the bear to himself instead of Esme. It sort of makes sense! After all, he has a gun, he wants to save Esme, and he's willing to do quite a lot for Esme already. So I think he would try to distract the bear and shoot him. It would make a little bit more sense and, I think, really increase the drama level of your story.
...I think. Sometimes my suggestions can be hit and miss. xD
Play around with it and see what you can do!