What ill, what hope, what?

by freewritersavvy
  • October 31, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Other

Dark chasm,
dark pit,
oh how you drag me toward your grip.

Never yielding
no light can touch
no hope can reach.

What ill has
brought me here?

The darkness done
an evil deed.
Ruined life,
taken lives,
no hope is left for weary head.

Last rays broken.
The earth shatters
crumbling like sand of time.

Blown,
Swept,
drifting like the last leaves of fall
across a nightly breeze.

Take captive
by souls
Torn,
shredded past.

No returning
no taking back
the end is sure for me.

A fiery chasm
where all is dark
and none can reach.

A fitting end
to terror eternal.

A just reward
for crimes now done
unchangeable.
No end,
no hope
no recompense.

I give,
I let it go.

Take me now,
I wont fight
Strength gone,
wishes spent.

Enter now
Death
The beginning.
No end for me.


Spoiler! :
Please forgive any (probably lots) mistakes in this. I was wound up when I wrote it but wanted another opinion anyway. Tear it apart. Please note that I realize this is likely not even poetry so much as jumbled up scribble. Write on.

Comments & reviews · 2
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kcglitter Review
kcglitter wrote a review · Mon Oct 31, 2011 8:28 pm

I find this cool. It made my day after a long day at school. This explains the pain in a sole that has been lost and no one seems to want it found. So dark and creepy. You have appealed to my better nature, but yeah it needs less emotion. what exactly gave you the idea to this art??? Tell me please. Good job I'll give you a ten out of ten.

User avatar
youngwolf1105
Review
youngwolf1105 wrote a review · Mon Oct 31, 2011 8:04 pm

Hey, Young here. Don't worry, we all make mistakes! But I'll point out a few of yours for now! ;)
"The Darkness done
an evil deed." Try,
"The Darkness did
an evil deed." Okay, got it? Now this,
"Last rays broken. The earth shatters" How bout this?
"Last rays broken, the earth shatters"
"A fitting end to terror eternal." Try,
" Your fitting end,
to eternal terror."
"A just reward
for crimes now done
unchangeable." Just take out anchangeable. The last thing I'll pick on one more thing, is that you forgot to put a ' in won't. That is all!



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