Published February 5, 2011
Rose petals fall and fall as i'm here crying. With every step,word,breath you take,you know i'm hurt. We walk up to each other about to start a fight. You hold my hand and a tear comes down you're eye. You say "you are the one I love, my life." "you're everything to me." Isn't this any girls fantasie? This time you love her. I'm not forgiving you.
-Shanyn Beckham
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140,919 Literary Works • 673,736 Reviews
I understand this. I have felt this way before.
Hello,
I agree with Jennya, it really tripped me up on how to read it with how you worded it. All together though, you wrote this piece out nicely. Oh, and like with the first review, make it in stanza form. I bet every girl does wish for this to be reality, i know I do sometimes. Really good, kind of artsy post. =) great job.
-Ash
I agree with the above reviewer, Tinkem. It looks better, more like a proper poem and is easier to read. I don't have much to say but I'm going to say it anyway.
This line doesn't sound right to me, maybe a little silly. The words seem unnecessary. Maye try using different words.1. For some reason this poem seems a ' showing' instead of telling. To me it's like your telling a story putting down your thoughts in a almost narrative like way. Maybe try more metaphors more repetition.
2.
I hoped that helped, keep up the good work.
Hi, Tinkem here
, this is how I would change this (not that it was rubbish to start off with, I thought it was quite good 
);
Other than that it was good
Keep up the writing
~ Tinkem