I was so happy to see Jake again; I hadn't seen him all summer. When I got to the park he was sitting on the ground next to the big oak tree; I walked over to him and kissed his cheek once I sat down. “I missed you so much, Babe.” He said looking over at me grabbing my hands; I turned and looked deep into his eyes.
“There’s something you’re not telling me, isn't there? Honey, you know you can tell me.” He looked away from me like as if it hurt him. I grabbed his face in my hands and made him look at me, there was pain in his eyes, hurt, and betrayal. I kissed him gently on the lips and realized that whatever was bothering him was serious; he didn't kiss me back. “Wow, whatever happened must be really serious… you always kiss back. Jake, you know you can tell-”
“No, you’re wrong I can’t tell you, you’re going to hate me forever if I do!” He let go of my hands and stood up, I saw a tear roll down his face, then another.
I stood up and hugged him as tight as I could, once I let him go he turned around no longer facing me; then I heard him scream. I turned him around and saw blood on his hands and a knife in his stomach. I screamed my head off once he fell on the ground, I cried and cried and cried but I knew that no matter how hard I cried it wouldn't save him. “Amy, I love you.” He said to me as I cried into his shirt.
“I love you, too.” I said as I kissed his lips this time he did kiss back. “Why, did you do this?”
“Cause, I didn't have the heart to tell you… I cheated on you.” When he said that I cried even more, that was why he was acting so weird. “Amy, will you marry me?” He pulled out a wedding ring from his front pocket.
“Yes, I will.” I cried again but this time they were tears of joy. Although I was only fifteen, I didn't care I loved Jake, and I knew that even though he cheated on me he loved me.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
We will start from the top:
"I was so happy to see Jake again; I hadn't seen him all summer."
--how about: "All summer Jake (insert reason he was gone or you had not seen him) that I was so excited to go see him again."
By adding more description on where he was at will help develop the story along or at least give a little background information on the couple.
-oak tree; I walked over to him and kissed his cheek once I sat down. “I missed you so much, Babe.” He said looking over at me grabbing my hands; I turned and looked deep into his eyes
The ";" after tree is not needed. Instead you should put a period and start your next sentence. Before you wrote how excited you were to get to see him, therefor when you go over to him you need to express that more rather than just saying you kiss him on his cheek.
--"I walked over to him, butterflies tickling my stomach and a smile exposed on my face as I sat down and kissed his cheek softly." (or something like that)
When Jake first talks needs to be a line of its own as do all the others. Be sure to state who is speaking after them, not all the time as it is writer's preference how that is done, but it is important not to confuse the reader.
The ending is...dramatic, to say the least. You might want to clean it up a bit, add some more emotions on how she feels that she got cheated on. It is a nice thought to believe that despite the past, it can be forgotten for true love.
Anyways, work on those things and you will have yourself a better story. Keep writing and dream big!
So a guy stabbed himself in his girlfriend's presence...and then proposed to her?
He brought a knife and a wedding ring (to use them both) to propose to his girlfriend.
Although the end is serious, it's kind of funny. She was thinking of her love for Jake meanwhile the guy was lying there losing blood and dying.
But it's a nice piece. A lot of emotion, but not enough logic.