Young Writers Society

Yes, the missing baby on the Titanic's body was never found. I switched it up a little, because really Trevor went missing instead of Loraine, but I really wanted to use a girl for the protagonist, so I traded the roles.

After the collision Trevor went missing with his nurse Alice Cleaver . When the Allisons realized that Alice Cleaver and baby Trevor were unaccounted for, they resolved that they would not leave the Titanic until after Trevor was found, nor would they be parted from little Loraine, they were last seen standing together, smiling, on the promenade deck.

Loraine Allison was the only child in first and second class to die (53 of 76 children in third-class perished). Her body was never found.

I love it! A couple things though:

[ “Ooohhhh yyyyeeessss ttthhhheeeerrrreeee iiiisssss,” an eerie wail corrected. ]

It's kind of awkward for the word to carry on like that and makes it hard to read. What you could say instead is:

"Oh, yes . . . there is . . ." an eerie voice droned and wailed, the shrill tone ringing in her ears.

That makes the feel of the voice so much more . . . elemented (if that's a word ). You can feel for the girl (Juno) because in your mind you would think "Oh my gosh, I would DIE if that was me." It brings more to your character's personality and fears.

And you added the Stefan character a little abruptly. Add some details about how they met and why she is so infatuated with him . . . it will liven up the story and make it so your readers aren't saying "huh?"

PM me the next chapter... I'm hooked!

And another thing... is this really real?

~hahaballoobuh123~

wow!!

really intriguing! pm me with the next ch. i wasn't paying attention to spelling but that was good only 1 thing explain why Juno didn't feel in the mood to talk besides to being the most attractive boy what was wrong with Jakob?



Anyways it was really good!!