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Young Writers Society



The Burn Book: A True Story

by fragile_heart(!)


(This story is entirely true; it happened to me today at school. It's more of venting than a story, but...:smt087 whatever.)

“Today,” Mrs. Santelli announced, “we will begin a new art assignment.”

As she turned around to grab the examples off the wooden shelves hanging off the wall, her coal black ringlet curls followed like a tidal wave. Her slim figure was lost in the enormous hot pink fabric of her marshmallow vest – why she insisted on wearing it, I had no idea; it just made her look fatter.

She searched around for a few moments, muttering things like “They were here a moment ago,” and “I pulled them out this morning to show you.” I sighed, propped my elbow on my desk and rested my chin in my hand.

I soprano giggle came from the other side of the room, and when I turned around to examine it, I spotted the Gorgon sisters snickering about, no doubt, Layton Garber, who was smirking and winking at the trio. Beside Medusa, Aaron Reynaud, my best friend, was staring off into space, unquestionably thinking of the lyrics to his next song. Aaron wrote song lyrics but never really composed them, so they were more like poems. I’d always help him out when he was stuck with a rhyme. His deep brown, almost black, eyes scanned the white tiles on the roof.

The trilogy consisted of Abby, nicknamed Medusa since she fried the ends of her chestnut brown hair with a straightening iron so badly they resemble serpents, Sabrina, or Stheno, since she wore an innocent and cute mask over her inwardly cruelty, and Gina, or Euryale, for being the loudest of the three.

I rolled my eyes and turned around, mindlessly twirling a strand of my dark auburn hair around my finger, trying to ignore Euryale’s booms of laughter. I stared at the black board, which was essentially white from being neglected by the board washers – can you guess which three girls were chosen to do the job? – and tapped out the beat of my favorite song with my nails. The staccato rhythm helped keep my mind diverted from what it wanted to do, which was glare at the Gorgons until they shut up. I don’t think I was the only one developing a headache; several others look seriously annoyed.

“Well, you can all start on your rough drafts while I look for the examples,” Mrs. Santelli said. “I know I put them here…”

I got up from my seat to grab some scrap paper out of the recycle bin – seriously, it’s crazy how many clean pieces of paper eighth graders throw out; ever hear of being green? I squatted down and started digging through the mountains of paper, sifting through the heaps of doodles or old school newsletters. When all hope seemed to be lost, I noticed a slightly crumpled piece of lined paper. I snatched it and started to open it, thinking it might be somewhat acceptable. I saw the trademark printing of the Gorgon sisters and was about to toss it back into the sea when I saw my name in bright green marker:

SADIE MARSHALL

Curious, I brought the paper back to my desk for a closer look. I plopped into my seat, smoothed out the crevasses on my desk, and began to read.

I can’t believe you like her, Aaron.

Aaron? The printing matched Euryale’s, and the pink ink confirmed it. But why was Euryale concerned with Aaron’s feelings?

She’s not that bad, you guys… Aaron’s messy printing was hardly legible. His blue pen’s ink bled through the page, making the microscopic lettering even harder to make out.

You just have to get over her. Just like I got over Layton.

Holy cow…I knew every girl swooned over Layton, but Medusa had a thing for him? She always acted like she was too good for him, like he was just something fun to flirt and play with. When he tickled her, slithering his hands dangerously close to her upper chest, she’d just giggle and swat him playfully. Sometimes she’d manage a “Stop!” but everyone knew she really didn’t want him to divert his attention elsewhere. I never would’ve thought she liked him like that.

She’s such a bitch, wrote Stheno.

She pisses the fuck outa’ me, Medusa added.

You’re right, Aaron concluded. Sitting next to you really has made me fall in love with you all over again, Abby.

ILY Aaron! Medusa gushed.

ILY more, replied Aaron, a sketch of a winking smiley face beside it.

I felt like my heart was shattering. Aaron and I used to play the ‘I love you more’ game. We’d talk on the phone for hours at night, teasingly bicker about who loved who more. We weren’t necessarily going out, but we were really great friends who shared everything. He was the one who I first told about Benji, my very first boyfriend. He was the one who knew every little detail about my dysfunctional family. He was the one who I cried to when I was sad, smiled with when I was happy, yelled at when I was angry…

Euryale’s laugh brought me out of my numb stupor. I turned around slowly and stared at Aaron. His black buzz cut was longer than it usually was; he typically got it cut once a month so it didn’t turn into a frizzy afro. His angular face looked blank, almost peaceful. Was I really that meaningless to him?

When Aaron caught my stare, he offered me a small smile. His eyes crinkled the slightest bit on the side, which most likely meant he stayed up too late working on his latest piece. The horrible part is it held no bit of pain or regret whatsoever, like what was written never happened.

Why? I accused with my eyes. How could you?

I got up and squared my shoulders, shifting my jaw from the right to the left to prevent my tears from pouring over. When I sauntered over into Gorgan territory, the sisters went silent, like I was a poor soul who was mourning the death of a loved one. In truth, it felt that way.

“Hey,” Aaron said in his quiet voice. “I was just thinking of that new song I was working on. Any ideas?”

I didn’t know if I could reply in an unwavering voice, so I bit my tongue. I dug my teeth harder and harder, trying to push the moisture back into my tear ducts. Medusa examined me intently, like I was some sort of interesting species from a different planet.

“Sadie?” Aaron called, his voice sounding alarmed. “Hello? Earth to Said.”

“I’ve got an idea,” I said in a surprisingly solid voice. “Why don’t you write about this?”

I shoved the paper onto his desk, and the Gorgans immediately jumped up to see what it was. You’d think they were starving animals in a zoo, leaping over to devour the fresh food the zookeeper just put out.

After that, I turned around on the ball of my heel, hurried back to my seat and pinched the bridge of my nose with my index finger and thumb.

“Sadie?” Mrs. Santelli’s voice caused me to look up.

“Yes Mrs.?”

“Can you help me find those examples?” she questioned.

I forced myself to smile and stood up. “Sure thing, Mrs.”

“Great!”

As I breezed by the sisters and Aaron, I put on my best deadpan expression. I passed them without a backwards glance, followed the teacher to the shelves, and robotically made it through the rest of the day.

I don’t know what hurt me more; what the Gorgans wrote, or how Aaron betrayed me.

- End.


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89 Reviews


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Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:24 am
mimimac wrote a review...



Hey!
Wow... I can't believe that actually happened to you. :( I think you should be prud over how you reacted, instead of yelling at him and calling him one or two thing (which I would have done) you just walked away. Hope it all worked out okay in the end :/
ANYWAYS haha
Great job! I really got into the story, can't really review much because all the mistakes have been corrected.
xxmimixx




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Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:54 pm
Face Engine wrote a review...



Not really a lot to say after that last review, but just thought I'd say; good job! This was great. It's bad that it actually happened, of course, but as stories go it was good.

Personally, I wouldn't say this is worthy of being rated as "R". Am I correct in thinking that, with films, "R" means it can't be sold to under-18's (in Britain the age certificates are U, PG, 12, 15 and 18)? Because I'd say this is more of a PG-13.

Anyway, cheers, that was a good read.

EDIT: as an account of something that has happened in your life, shouldn't this be in the non-fiction section? Not that I personally care where this goes, just thought you might want to have this moved.




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Fri Mar 13, 2009 7:56 pm
Pippiedooda wrote a review...



:(! That's so unfair!! I feel awful for you, I wouldn't have thought this was real from the sound of it, it just sounds too unlucky and cruel. I hate those girls! There's always some people like that, who make it their mission to make everyone feel worse than them.
But anyway, On with the review- all my comments are just suggestions!

As she turned around to grab the examples off the wooden shelves hanging off the wall, her coal black ringlet curls followed like a tidal wave. Her slim figure was lost in the enormous hot pink fabric of her marshmallow vest – why she insisted on wearing it, I had no idea; it just made her look fatter.


I'm not sure about 'her coal black ringlets followed like a tidal wave' it doesn't really fit in with the style of writing of the rest of the story, I'd maybe say something simpler. For instance 'Her black ringlets sweeping behind her.' I don't think you need to say 'hanging off the wall' as that's where all shelves are :) I'd maybe just say 'off the shelf' and leave it at that.
You say that she has a slim figure, but then you say 'fatter' which kind of gives the impression that she is already fat. I'd maybe say something about it not being very flattering or making her look plump instead.

I soprano giggle came from the other side of the room, and when I turned around to examine it,


'I' should be 'A' I think and I wouldn't really say examine as you're not examining the laugh, you're looking as to where it came from. Maybe something like 'to see its cause' or 'who had produced it' would fit better.

Sabrina, or Stheno, since she wore an innocent and cute mask over her inwardly cruelty


This part to the sentence doesn't flow right to me, maybe something like 'since she wore a sweet mask to cover her cruel personality' or 'since her angel looks hid her cruel personality' or something similar would be better replacements, I'd play around with it a bit. Like the descriptions though :)

I rolled my eyes and turned around, mindlessly twirling a strand of my dark auburn hair around my finger, trying to ignore Euryale’s booms of laughter.


I'd separate this into two sentences as you're describing four different things and it seems a bit crammed into one sentence. So maybe change the comma after 'around' to a full stop and start the next sentence with 'I mindlessly twirled'.

I squatted down and started digging through the mountains of paper, sifting through the heaps of doodles or old school newsletters.


Instead of 'or', 'and' might work better :)

I saw the trademark printing of the Gorgon sisters and was about to toss it back into the sea when I saw my name in bright green marker:


as you say 'saw' at first, I'd maybe change the second one to 'noticed' or 'spotted' so you're not repeating it.

Aaron’s messy printing was hardly legible. His blue pen’s ink bled through the page, making the microscopic lettering even harder to make out.


Because you say 'making' I wouldn't say 'make out'- I don't know why but it doesn't sound right to me :P. Maybe 'distinguish'? You say printing quite a few times as well, I'd maybe change one or two to writing as I think that's a better word to use anyway, just my opinion though :D

Sometimes she’d manage a “Stop!” but everyone knew she really didn’t want him to divert his attention elsewhere. I never would’ve thought she liked him like that.


I think you need a 'still' or 'but' to begin the second sentence with as from the previous one it sounds like she would like him. I'm not sure about 'not want to divert his attention elsewhere' I think you could say it a lot simpler- perhaps, 'everyone knew she didn't really want him to'. I think really and don't should swap places too as I have put in the example :P

She’s such a bitch, wrote Stheno.
She pisses the fuck outa’ me, Medusa added


I think you need to say how you know its them, like you did for the first girl.

Aaron and I used to play the ‘I love you more’ game. We’d talk on the phone for hours at night, teasingly bicker about who loved who more.


I'd change 'who loves who more' to 'who loves who the most' just so you're not repeating 'love you more' thing.

The horrible part is it held no bit of pain or regret whatsoever, like what was written never happened.


'like what was written had never happened' sounds a bit clumsy to me- maybe 'like none of it had ever been written' or something similar would be a better replacement.

I got up and squared my shoulders, shifting my jaw from the right to the left to prevent my tears from pouring over


'Shifting my jaw' sounds a bit odd to me, just turning your head might be a better description of the action.

Overall: This is a really good piece, I really felt sorry for you in reading this and those girls sound awful. I think you have managed to describe the scene really well :)

I think you need to say where the name came up- I mean it just says that you saw the name but is it just written randomly in the centre of the page? Or do one of them mention it in the conversation? Like I said I think you need to note how you knew it was the other girls handwriting, just a sentence or something will do ;) I think you could maybe add more to how you were feeling after you had given them the note, and perhaps what their expressions were afterwards (if you saw that is).

Great job on describing this, and I think that you reacted brilliantly to the note- really good way of showing your anger! I generally just blurt out stuff and run away :oops: Hope I've helped! *Star* :D





A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown