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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Really, I have the same nit-picks as pandapez, only I find the whole first paragraph confusing.
Atmosphere- I can't say a thing about it. You've done a remarkable job!
Questions/comments:
What are hunters? It seems like a main point of the story, yet there is very little explanation. If there is more to come, wonderful. I understand why you didn't put it in, but just be sure to add what they are later.
What are they Wards? You have a slight amount of description about them, but with Central being so close to Earth, I am rather lost.
You seem to have contradicted yourself. If she has run away from her ward, why must she still do a hunter's task? Has Tobias escaped too?
The stuff about hair driers and makeup is an interesting commentary. I enjoyed it, but keep in mind others might not. It's your choice to leave it in or not, just keep that in mind.
Overall- I liked this. Other then the little confusing bits mentioned above, this is very powerful.
Please let me know when more is up!
Hi ^_^ Here's what I noticed:
Nitpicks:
First:
You forgot to add 'from'
Second:
colorful not colourful
Third:
Shouldn't this be water or current?
Fourth:
Again, colorful
Five:
This seems a bit off. Try something more along the lines of "He chuckled and dropped his hands, smacking the thighs of his jeans."
Six:
Should be then
Overall:
You did a excellent job! I really had to look hard for the nitpicks I mentioned