water drops on
your magenta petals
i reach across your
dead grass home
and uproot my
lovely flower
to plant you besides
my dirt grave.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello hello~
I'm starting to notice you have a knack for formatting in your poems - it's always consistent with what you show in the first stanza. I'm grateful for that. Varying stanza lengths can be fun, but your writing really works well with that kind of organization. This poem is no exception - it gives your poem pacing it might have otherwise lacked. I love how you're telling a story in essentially just two sentence.
(The first sentence is the first stanza, while the second is the rest of the work.)
As per usual, I love the imagery in your poem! I personally imagined the flower in a garden that had been abandoned before it was uprooted and planted beside the grave.
Like with the last poem of yours that I reviewed, I initially struggled to understand the meaning of this poem. However, I was able to figure it out thanks to the combination of the title and the description. It seems like the speaker is lamenting their loneliness, and can only take solace in the flower that they relate to - a flower forgotten and in need of a new home. But instead of bringing the flower to a place filled with life, the speaker brings the plant to somewhere just as lonely as before: a grave.
That's just my interpretation, at least!
I tried to come up with some kind of critique to make about your poem, but I honestly don't have any right now - it's just a really strong poem. Great job with it!
Hello fraey, FlamingPhoenix here on this lovely day to help get your work out the Green Room.
I will have to say this poem is so emotional, and it feels like your are telling me a story in so little words. I normally like long poems so I have more to read, but I don't think this poem needs more, I think if you added more words it would feel drawn out.
I also think your name is very fitting for this poem so well done.
Well that's all from me today. Again I think you did an amazing job, and I look forward to reading more of your works when you post them on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Dear fraey,
This sounds like such a cute little poem! Though I'm a little confused by the quotes:
since the poem first references the speaker as the plant, but refers the speaker as the dirt in which the recipient is the plant. I wonder what the inspiration behind the planting beside the dirt grave and the dead grass home are.
I wonder what the significance of the first stanza is. Are the water drops supposed to represent purity or impurity, or some other kind of symbol?
I would love to hear more about this poem. It left me a little confused...
- B