Hi! The only thing I found was when her brother "burbled" something. It just sounds like he's a baby, so could you change that? I love your intense imagery though.
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*this is a continuation of teh first piece of writing...
Her eyes suddenly widened. She loosened her grip on the documents when he gazed at her with her mouth opened and eyebrows arched. Her throat became so dry that she heard the wind whistle down her windpipe. She tried to speak but instead she noiselessly mouthed her words as she bit her lip until she tasted the blood upon the tip of her tongue.
He looked at her with his dyed brown hair that flowed in the heavy wind. His dark eyes reminded her of a hollow mask. He wore a dark patched leather jacket over a white denim shirt. A square-shaped bandage covered his right cheek with a hint of blood appearing from its surface.
“Maya,” he forced a smile, “I am sorry if I surprised you and all. But, I-I am glad to see you again.”
Maya paused for a moment locking her body with her lips quivering.
“What do you want?” she mumbled taking her gaze away from him. A few meters away, she spotted a dying bird on the ground with its beak opening and closing to and fro.
“I want to see you.” He replied, “You do not know how much trouble –”
“I-I do not care of your misery.” She breathed slowly, “You-You are no longer my brother anymore. I-I had accepted that long time ago. You are simply but a stranger, a-a thief who wants to raid my house
“Maya,” he whimpered but again she did not replied.
Instead, she locked her gaze on the dying bird. Its eyes were closed, yet, its tiny beak continued to move. Open, close, open, close...the bird tried to stay alive by taking in lungfuls of cold air around it. However, it soon succumbed to the patient death that hovered around like a deathly cloud. It no longer moved its brown beak. It lay there still as it waited for fate to decide on its body.
Maya felt sick when she witnessed this. She felt a cold tear running down her cheeks. She wanted to resist the thoughts of the bird’s death but she allowed it because it was better for her to see this than her brother.
“Why did you come back?” She tucked her head against her sweater, “A- Are you still not happy that you were innocent of such as crime? Are you still not satisfied with that? Had you came here to relive our childhood-to those days before we separated?”
“Yes,” He answered quickly. “I do want that to happen. I tried to text you, email you for endless days. I had even searched the phone books looking for you. There was no one. I have waited for so long, Maya. I –”
“You-You did not answer my question, brother” she interrupted him, “A-Are you not satisfied that you were dubbed, ‘innocent’ by the jury. I-I was there when it happened. Even after all these evidences and charges against you, I cannot believe that you were allowed to walk free. ”
“I am innocent, Maya. I am innocent as a child. I did not commit the crime. Surely, you must believe me, your own brother. The evidence proves it. The blood samples they have found by the murder scene were not mine. They even brought their forensic team to check the crime scene but found no evidence against me!”
“H-How can you be innocent when I saw you murder Elizabeth on the night when I was supposed to visit you after a decade of separation? Do you remember that, brother? I walked inside the house just to see her falling to the ground after you had –”
“I deny murder, Maya!” He exclaimed. “If I cannot remember it then surely I have not done it! What you saw was nothing but your imagination. I would never murder Elizabeth! I would never commit such a brutal act!”
“Then who could have done it, my brother? Who would stab Elizabeth 20 times in the back? Who would slit her throat open when you, my brother, were her ex?”
“Enough!” he yelled.
They both paused. There was silence.
Neither dared utter a word. Neither dared look in each other’s eyes. Maya locked her gaze at the dead bird. Its body was now stiff. There was nothing she could do but bury it.
She stared at it for a few moments before she looked at her brother. His hands were drawn into a fist and she saw his nails scraping against his flesh. He opened his mouth but no words came out. There was something, he wanted to say.
What is it? She pondered. What are you saying?
Her mind soon drifted to her childhood. She thought of the days where she and her brother were inseparable and spent each afternoon playing at the local playground. She remembered the day when they tried to put a dead spider in Miranda’s new schoolbag or the day when she beat up the school bully just to protect her brother.
She remembered the days when all they needed was each other when their parents separated. She remembered the day being dragged to the car and screaming at the back seat despite her mother’s screams. She remembered him struggling against her father’s arm and she remembered seeing him disappear into the horizon.
That was the last time she had seen him until the night she had witnessed the murder.
“F-Fine,” she muttered as she began walking nimbly towards her house. When she passed him, he began to speak but none of his words made any sense.
“You can go inside,” she said as she fumbled for the keys on her pocket.
“Maya...” he soon paused.
“I’ve decided that you can come to my house but only for a short time. Afterwards, leave me and never come back again.”
“Thank you,” he burbled, “It means so much to me.”
“N-No need...,” she opened the door, “Besides, this will be the last time I’ll see you again.”
Hi! The only thing I found was when her brother "burbled" something. It just sounds like he's a baby, so could you change that? I love your intense imagery though.
This has nothing to do with the review but hi! I remember you. I feel like reviewing something (instead of doing homework) so here I am.
She loosened her grip on the documents when he gazed at her with her mouth opened and eyebrows arched. Her throat became so dry that she heard the wind whistle down her windpipe. She tried to speak but instead she noiselessly mouthed her words as she bit her lip until she tasted the blood upon the tip of her tongue.
“You-You did not answer my question, brother” she interrupted him,
“H-How can you be innocent when I saw you murder Elizabeth on the night when I was supposed to visit you after a decade of separation? Do you remember that, brother? I walked inside the house just to see her falling to the ground after you had –”
“I deny murder, Maya!” He exclaimed. “If I cannot remember it then surely I have not done it! What you saw was nothing but your imagination. I would never murder Elizabeth! I would never commit such a brutal act!”
“Then who could have done it, my brother? Who would stab Elizabeth 20 times in the back? Who would slit her throat open when you, my brother, were her ex?”
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