Hey there, @fortis! I finally have time to actually review this poem, so here I am. <3
It's been awhile since I've seriously reviewed, so I apologize in advance if my reviews aren't as strong as they usually are.
First things first: your title. It was what drew me into the poem, and what got me to stay for the rest of it. It has a whimsical touch to it, and also feels incredibly personal. When you open the first line with a reference to the geese from the title, it made the rest of the poem feel coherent and connected to the story you promised from the start.
I mentioned in the comment I left that I found your struggles relatable - reading through this again to write this review, I still feel the same way. Gender, sexuality and friendship is funky for me. I haven't ever been on something I would consider a date, but I have had friends that I've seen as potentially something more. The situation was slightly different back then, but there's still been people that I've felt attracted to - and were unfortunately straight.
You did a good job building up to that reveal. As I brought up with the title, the beginning of the poem feels incredibly personal. It sounds like a love poem. The reader can see why the speaker feels like the date was something that wasn't platonic.
I also really love the language of your poem. Though there were multiple parts that jumped out at me, the part I keep returning to is this:
But being who I am, I find it strange
that someone loves or doesn’t love another
based on gender.
I'm biromantic, so that's a struggle I definitely relate to. The way you worded made it even more memorable - I won't be surprised if I suddenly remember that part of the poem in the future when reading something else.
My one critique for the poem would be how you broke apart some of the lines. Most of them are broken in just the right spot, but a few could use some rearranging. This is one of the lines that I was thinking of:
But being who I am, I find it strange
that someone loves or doesn’t love another
based on gender. My love seems to smother
me. It paints the world in pretty, colored strokes:
The line split that I thought could use some work was between the third and fourth lines. I'd rewrite to something like this:
But being who I am, I find it strange
that someone loves or doesn’t love another
based on gender. My love seems to smother me.
It paints the world in pretty, colored strokes:
Or this:
But being who I am, I find it strange
that someone loves or doesn’t love another
based on gender.
My love seems to smother me.
It paints the world in pretty, colored strokes:
"My love seems to smother me" isn't as strong when it's broken up; it's stronger when it's somehow grouped together.
But, besides that, this is a really strong poem! I couldn't find anything to critique in it, but let me know if you have any questions about my review.
Have a great day!
Points: 1234
Reviews: 590
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