I was taking a walk the other day, and this brief vignette is basically just what I noticed about my environment. I didn't want it to have much structure (or even have a plot), so that's why I wrote it really simply.
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There. That’s the feeling. No real surge of excitement, no sudden uproar of anger. I am just there. Just apart of the scenery, apart of the independence. A man walks alongside of the road. His pet dog trails along behind him, it’s tongue dangling gleefully from it’s mouth. I hear the crunch of my footsteps against the fallen tree leaves, I listen to the teasing taunt of a mocking bird’s call. The light has faded, yet the sun hangs low in the horizon. It’s patient, it’s waiting, for the cycle to begin once again in the new morning. I watch a man as he crouches in front of a broken sprinkler in his yard. His fingers search in the darkness of the toolbox for an extra wrench. One of my childhood friends passes by. I give him a friendly wave, a smile, and continue trudging up the sidewalk. The pavement is warm beneath my feet. I can feel it’s soft aroma through the thin soles of my shoes. A bird caws urgently, and a car speeds up the drive. My hands swing back and forth, back and forth by my sides. I breathe in, I breathe out. I can see our house from here; just up the road. I increase the speed of my pace while passing an elderly couple walking hand-in-hand.
The stop sign. I don’t look both ways, I run straight ahead. I jump right into the danger, into the unknown. With the pleasure of a newfound rebel, I skip the rest of the way home.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I like it. I like it a lot. I don't think anything needs to be changed. It's very descriptive, but at the same time, kind of vague. It could happen anywhere. It could be down the street, or thousands of miles away. I love how anyone can relate to it, to the simplicity. They can relate to the feeling of being there and not at the same time, blending in with your surroundings while feeling like you're in the spotlight. I can't really write a long review when I don't feel there is anything to improve, so I will bid you farewell.
Hey there, teamie
No idea why - it's a brilliant piece. Like most of your pieces actually. 
So I notice this had no reviews
Wonderful, wonderful stuff. This is writing simply? It's great that you've managed to describe the sights and sounds so ... simply. Although, there are a few confusing sentences where you have to concentrate to get, but that might just be me.
Right, here's the stuff:
What's the feeling? The first sentence - word - sounds more like a satisfied "ah, there" rather than an actual feeling. "Being there" perhaps?
This is confusing. I assume you're talking about the feelings usually involved in a rebellion. Why not explain this by simply adding: that normally takes place in a rebellion. Okay, very, very, bad example, but you get what I mean.
Do you mean "a part of"?
Gotta watch out for that pesky repetitiveness.
My suggestion is take out the second "along".
Lovely stuff ^^
I can clearly picture that - and I adore the alliteration in "teasing taunt".
One thing, I think the comma should be a full-stop, or maybe replace it with a conjunction, as they don't really relate to one another enough to be in the same sentence.
...fallen tree leaves as I listen...
Ah, and "fallen tree leaves" is quite unnecessary. It makes me think the tree has fallen, not the leaves. Just take out the word "tree" and the flow shall be perfect once again.
I don't quite get what you mean by this. Yes, the sun is going down and that means the light is indeed fading. However, I don't know why you've put the "yet" in. That's kind of like saying: It's getting darker, but the sun's going down. Not making much sense.
The answer is replace "yet" with "and". Yes, a simple word, but this is a simple piece, right? ^^
By the way, LOVE the "hangs low in the horizon" - beautiful imagery.
I don't like the way you've repeated "it's". I get a "roll up, roll up!" feel. Like: "it's patient, it's waiting, and it's yours!"
My suggestion: scrap the second "it's".
Should there be a new paragraph between these two?
Aroma? I can imagine you feel it's heat, not the smell. Do you mean like the warmth rising off the pavement?
I like this. It's such a simple little thing, buts adds so much to the atmosphere. Great
Where? Up ahead? Across the road?
Maybe you could say you were about to cross the road, as all of a sudden you dash across it.
Oooh. Rebel
Didn't that road-safety hedgehog teach you anything?
Lovely end. Sort of, but not quite, like a 'happily ever after' ending.
Overall:
This is a wonderful, feel-good piece. I know how hard it is to describe your surroundings. Sounds easy, but you've got to think of every little thing, and remember it. It also sucks if you have a great simile or something then you can't recall it once you're sitting at your computer.
One thing: I don't know if this is intentional or not, but you have a solid wall of text until you reach your rebellion. It's a great way of making the rebellion stand out, but a solid block of text can be a little daunting.
Your description - well, let's just say I can picture everything as though I am there with you. It's wonderful. I was going to say 'like watching a film' but that's so far from the truth it's an insult. You brought me into this with such skill and ease.
PM me if you have any questions or want another review.
Here, for your next walk:
Have an ice cream.
~Emma