Blind:
adjective
unable to see;
sightless.
most people who are blind
have no vision
and while yours is 20:20,
you look
but you don't see.
How could you miss the signs?
you promised
to look out
for me
for her
for yourself.
but you let go.
let go of her
and now,
she is running with scissors
and they are pointing towards her.
they cut
her hair
and her wrists
and you let them.
How could you do this to us?
First. PUNCTUATION please! You have some just not enough, and some places it chops up your work to much. On to the actual
Poem - play with your words some more, don't be afraid to morph them in your mind till you find that perfect word.
Confusion - One point you say, why couldn't you look out for me? pretty much. I dislike this. Its the only point in the poem you bring in your self.The whole poem is about this girl and the person who should be watching out for her and missed the signs. The one part you bring your self in changes the lay out. How did they not look out for you? Explain in poem or ditch I would say. Again with the us at the end.
Thats it. I would say you have a good skeleton of a poem, expand don't be afraid to let your emotions run amuck.
Points: 1305
Reviews: 170
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