I see that you plan on making corrections to this, which are very needed. Other that the basic corrections, I think you also need to do some serious revising to the structure of the poem.
so alone but no one will ever know
what i keep inside
So alone but no one will ever know should not be on one line, and it certainly makes it more awkward to have what I keep inside on the next line. I dont want to tell you how to write your poem though, so that is really just a suggestion.
The first stanza was great, really nice, second stanza right now is NOT as strong, however with a little editing and refining, you could have a very nice poem!
Keep it up!
Points: 890
Reviews: 14
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