Published June 21, 2010
OK first off i would to say i haven't been on here in awhile cause of some stuff and 2 i wrote this in the middle of the night so it probably is not good I'm posting it anyway and 3 i will try use capitalization even tho i hate it cause i don't really think it matters and i will try to use punctuation although I'm not really good at so here we go please don't be really mean when your reviewing this.
Instructions to the heart
A heart is like a rose,
It has to be handled with care,
It cant be jerked away from its bush cause its like roses comfort zone,
It cant be thrown around,
It has to be handled with gentleness,
It cant be abandoned,
It has to have attention,
And if all of this is followed the rose will grow beautiful and strong,
But if not then it will grow dark and cold.
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Flower here, and I will be your reviewer for today.
A heart is like a rose,
it has to be handled with care,
it cant be jerked away from its bush because its like the roses comfort zone. I don't think this line fit very well. It seems very rushed and it didn't flow.
It cant be thrown around, Well of course not, but I believe that you need some more color to your poem.
it has to be handled with gentleness, We got this point in the line above, this one isn't nessescary.
it cant be abandoned,
andit has to have attention.
If all of this is followed the rose will grow beautiful and strong, Again there is a lack of color and description. You have a beautiful and strong rose, but these words leave the line dull. Spice it up, use colorful adjectives.
But if not then it will grow dark and cold.[/quote] I feel this is an odd way to end the poem.
Ok, now that's over with. I feel that it has potential, but you need to add colorful adjectives. You need to grab the readers attention and hold on to it. If the reader is bored with the old words you can't keep them focused on your your work. Make me want to read this, make it pop. If you need any help let me know.
-Flower-
I think you have something here. I enjoy the metaphor in play, and I wish it could be longer. All I'd recommend is changing around some verses so they don't all begin with "it" for variety.