The land of diamonds and gold
Where ancient stories are told
Where tribes and nomads roam
Ruled by chiefs and kings
Was the land of the dark skinned.
Colonized by the British, French
Italian and Dutch.
Gave the tribes arms
To kill each other off
Ruined and forced into slave labor
Being killed in mines
To get diamonds and rubies
For white rich men’s’ wives
Great cities destroyed
Like Timbuktu
Others renamed
Such as Mogadishu
The greatest continent to me
Destroyed by the white men
But now set free
In debt to the World Bank
For a extremely high fee
Imprisoned by famine and poverty
But to me
It will always be known as
The land of beauty
Africa.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really enjoyed your poem for 3 reasons:
1) I love Africa. I think it is an amazing place, and beneath all its trouble and conflict there is an extreme beauty about it. You portrayed this scene very well.
2) You told historical truths. I find it very refreshing to see someone finally bring up the white peeps dirty laundry. Our ancestors were pompous, greedy, and well...frankly sometimes sociopathic. I also liked how you mentioned the precious gems, it always reminds of blood diamonds when someone brings up African resources.
3) I finally got to see someone write a poem about the wonderful country...well continent! I see the writings you made as a map, and it guided me very well through its miraculous terrain, forests, and its people.
I very much enjoyed your poem.
Keep writing, and I wanna hear more of this great and wild place!
SOL
I gotta say thank you for creating this beautiful work....
you actually beat me to the punch...
man...I really am happy to see that someone other than me would address the motherland...
this was a good poem, dark and true....
that is what is what africa is, was and has gone through.
THANKS SO MUCH!
I'm gonna fix it up
thanks for the criticism i really needed it
anyways off i go to fix it!
Hey chuck. Gonna review. Lucky old you.
So first off, I really did love the ending. Some of your rhymes are just awesome. eg, I particularly loved: But now set free
In debt to the World Bank
For a extremely high fee
Imprisoned by famine and poverty
I was almost tapping my foot, I swear. And I love the verse about Timbuktu and Mogadishu.
Made me laugh.
But I think that the first three verses are a bit unecessary, and kind of ruin the beginning of the poem. They sound like the answers to a question in a history lesson rather than a poem. So, I think you can chop off the beginning and it will be simply marvellous, dear.
xxx
You tell a good story here, with a lot of emotion, which is good. However, sometimes your rhyme is either inconsistent or forced. I suggest that you either fix the rhyme or scrap the rhyme altogether and rewrite it as a free-verse poem.
For a first attempt at poetry, however, this is good! I would love to go to Africa one day. Keep writing and happy editing! ^_^
Wow! Your poem was truly captivating. The way you described everything seemed to work really well. The one thing I think you should elaborate more on is why you find Africa a land of beauty. Other than that I really enjoyed it! Good work!
-Avery. (: