Published December 18, 2011
Three words that mean so much,
Yet, never enough
To convey just how much
You mean to me.
Every moment in your green eyes,
Stretched into a lifetime far too short,
The touch of your hands, your lips,
A feeling to which none can compare.
Memories of you, of me, of us,
That I try so desperately to preserve,
Locked up in a treasure chest of love,
Glimmering reminiscences always cherished.
For time will not stop for us,
As seconds fly by swiftly,
But, in your arms, my love,
I have my perfect piece of forever.
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141,453 Literary Works • 674,465 Reviews
I really enjoyed this. It's beautiful, poignant, and delivers an adorable message clearly right away. Sure, this type of subject has been covered before, but I think you made it your own with specific details and description.
I'm sooo happy you didn't use a rhyme scheme...that would have made it super cheesy. So props to that! ^_^
The only line that kind of stopped me and interrupted the flow of the piece was this:
It just seems like there's too many syllables with the words "glimmering reminiscences." Maybe the word "memories" can fill it and make it flow a little more nicely.
Overall, well done
<3 Sara.
Hello there, Flute! Rose here to review!
Overall, this is a cute poem. Love is always good to write about because, well, it's love, and everyone's interested in it. The downside of love being such a great subject is that everyone writes about it. I know I've written quite a few pieces about love, and I know a lot of other writers who also have. Therefore, the challenge one often comes across when writing about love is how to make it unique than anything else that's been written.
This is very sweet, but I've read things like this before. The most unique part of it is the second word of the third line. It's a vibrant, unique word that I don't come across all of the time; therefore, it's memorable.
Other than issues with capitalization and punctuation (I put the mistakes I discovered in the first stanza in bold and corrected them), this is a decent poem. If it would've been slightly more unique, it could've been amazing.
Remember, if you disagree with my opinions, feel free to disregard them. Your opinion of your work is what matters most at the end of the day!
Always keep writing!
-Rose