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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hi! I'll be reviewing your poem today:)
Firstly this is an excellent poem! I love the simplicity put across in this and how you've been very descriptive.
However, in a comment below you said you've based this poem on a dog being thrown out?
well, you should have gone the extra mile with the emotion behind a dog being abused! reading it i never really got the vibe of it being about a dog, i thought is would be more about a person or child.
Try to include the worries and struggles of an abused dog. Like how it's new home would be a dumpster/trash? How it's liking have no owner, living as a stray dog knowing it might never see tomorrow etc. I suggest you add more emotion and feeling into it so the reader can empathise with it, we should feel as alone as the dog by the end of this poem.
You could have also included why its alone, and the how it feels unwanted?
Your lines also have an awkward number in formating, poems are usually presented in the format of quatrains.
Overall this was a really good poem, hope i was of help to you
If you want or need another review you can message me.
Keep writing!
-Infinity x
Well, for starters, I adore your username, flowercrossing. Anyhow, I can see from your poem that you are obviously trying to convey your emotion. Whether you are taking on the emotions of someone else, or simply conveying your own emotions, you did a great job in that aspect.
However, for the actual content, it seemed extremely bleak and minimal. If that is what you were going for, then kudos! After reading, I empathize with you, but I want to know WHY you feel alone and HOW you got to begin feeling that way. Why does no one care? Descriptions of your surrounding such as the street you are shivering in or the rain trickling on your head always add to the imagery as well.
Aside, from that, it was beautiful. Keep writing!
Actually, I tried to do it from an abused dog's perspective. I usually write poems about how I feel, but I thought I might try writing one based on how a dog feels after it's been thrown out. It wasn't going to be abused too greatly, so I left those parts out, because it's how it feels being alone. thank you!!