Our names are still on a bench somewhere Written in blue ink, weatherworn and faded Our emails are still floating in cyberspace Signed with love, waiting to be opened Our pictures are still in the yearbooks Frozen smiles staring out from the pages Your things are still in a box in my attic Wrapped with tape, unsealed and sealed again Your words are still stuck in my head Buried deep, but never truly gone They whisper in my ears Uncaring evil selfish heartless bitch Your touch still lingers on my body Thick fingertips, confident and sure I can feel it creeping up Tightening on my wrists and throat You're still everywhere and nowhere You arrive in my weakest moments You're never going to leave me Four years, and you're still here
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129,744 Literary Works • 671,510 Reviews
this poem as per my knowledge of love is one where you are deep in love with a person and she is also the one wqhom u hate the most. for once her love may be u gained u still love her and for she betrayed u u cannot stop hating her. u recollect ur together memory and tokens of love u exchanged, out of love and remember sense of her btouch out of lust.
Neat.
Hey,
Welcome to YWS
To start with, I must say that I really like this poem. The theme you chose is unique from what I usually read of love and separation. While reading the starting stanzas of the poem, one was inclined towards thinking that this is a memoir of love but towards the end you reveal that it's instead a memoir of separation and abuse. A little bit of structure and editing could have made this absolutely in flow. But it is anyway too amazing as a start!
Good luck. Happy writing
-Ishita Dutt
Thanks so much!
Hello! Welcome to YWS and I hope you find that you like it here!
Let's dive right in
this poem feels like two different poem. The beginning is more about things around the world and objects and the second half is about one person. This honestly interrupted the flow of the poem, and I was really liking the first half. The second half is great too, I just think that two amazing poems can come from this.
Ignoring above me, I'm not really sure what happened to this person. Is this person dead? Or dating this person for four years and alive? Like what's going on? What does this have to do with yearbook pictures?
I'm a poet so I understand completely how your train of thoughts can sometimes be confusing to other people or when you're writing and you realize that you started writing something else than you originally panned. You just have to learn when you need to take things out or make two separate poems or just figure out a way to connect them or explain a little more.
Overall good poem, but I would love to challenge you to make this two poems instead of one, and see what you can dow with that.
Hope you got something out of my rambling and I hope you enjoy YWS!
-Kamryn
Thanks so much for your review! This is a very personal piece for me, so I'm sure that it can read as confusing for anyone else.
To clarify, I wrote it about an abusive relationship (which ended four years ago), hence the change in tone midway through. So what I'm hearing from you is that the change comes too abruptly and throws off the flow of the poem. What I was trying to do was to portray the unexpected change in the nature of the relationship. As for the yearbook pictures, to me, the "frozen" smiles represent the outward (fake) happiness we projected for others to see.
I really appreciate your feedback. I'll definitely consider trying to expand this piece - I don't know if I could feasibly break it into two poems. Thank you for taking the time to read!
-floatingvoice
This is an interesting poem! I really like the first stanza, the image of vivid blue ink now worn and faded; it is very descriptive. I like the symbolic part of it too. They once had a strong love, but as it faded so did the ink on the benches.
The last stanza also ties in the rest of them very nicely. When someone you love (or loved) enters your life, they never truly leave for better or for worse.
Great job, it flowed nicely!
~Rose
Thank you!