Chapter 2

by fleuralplants

Published September 30, 2020

18+

In Untitled Book Chapters

Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

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Andrew walked up the white, sterile stairs out of the pool, pausing on the concrete to reach out a hand to Marsella, helping her up the stairs in a chivalrous manner.

“Here you are, Madame Author” Andrew said mockingly.

“Thank you, Sir…” She paused, realizing how little she knew about him. “What do you do?”

“Uh, well, it’s not as fancy as ‘Madame Author,’ but I suppose I’m ‘Mr. Mechanic’”

“Well, thank you, Mr. Mechanic” she said elegantly, playing out this role the two had created. “Where to now?” she questioned, looking around at the party. It was truly miraculous to Marcella how, among all of these people, Andrew and Marsella had ended up meeting with each other. It was some crazy act of fate.

“Don’t you think we should talk more? Catch up?” Andrew asked, as Marcella’s eyes widened and she broke into a smile at the sight of a game of beer pong erupting. Andrew was the logical one in this situation, the voice of reason, as the smartest thing to do when getting with someone you hardly know is to get to know them better.

“Or we could go do that!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him forward, him dragging behind her quick pace. There was no time for either of them to think about the ramifications of their actions; what would they be in the morning, once the lights of the party had faded? None of that was of much concern to either party as they played beer pong and chugged back countless drinks.

With every drink, Marsella felt more and more out of it, although it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; she did not drink often, so this wiped her out easily. She felt more confident, drinking straight liquid courage, and she began grabbing at Andrew’s body, ignoring strange looks that others shot at them.

“Can we go upstairs to talk?” She whispered in his ear. They left the beer pong game and went upstairs, Marsella in the lead, pulling Andrew behind her. She was so bossy that she didn’t even recognize herself; usually, she was the more shy and submissive one. Tripping up the stairs like a bunch of high school students rather than the adults they were, they eventually made it to the second floor.

The two were still wet from their earlier rendezvous in the pool. They couldn’t lay on some stranger’s bed in their state, so they scanned through every unlocked room, searching for clothes that they could borrow for the night. In one of the bedrooms, they found simple sweatpants, the sizes and styles ambiguous enough that they could both wear the same thing. They changed in that room, together, a new experience for Marsella. When it was Andrew’s turn to undress and redress, Marsella turned away, and vice versa. Although there was nothing happening in the situation- no sexual overtones, no man looking at her naked body- Marsella felt shy, and she had never been in this position before. Fumbling through this experience, they were both eventually dry and clothed.

The two left that room, deciding to look for one that was home to a bigger bed. Eventually, they stumbled across one of the three bedrooms with a queen sized bed; perfect for two people to lie next to each other. Marsella locked them in and then flopped down on the bed. Andrew crawled in next to her, reaching for her hand once he was settled. As of now, Andrew was not expecting anything more of this situation; two friends, innocently lying next to each other.

“How was life in Cally-fornia?” Andrew asked after the two had been basking in silence. The room was so quiet, yet comfortable, and Marsella wished this night would never come to an end.

“It was lonely, I didn’t really have anyone there.” Marsella paused before continuing, “That’s why I came back.” Andrew grabbed her hand,

“Well, you’re certainly not alone anymore.” She laughed, shaking her head.

“No, I’m not.” She turned over on her side, looking into his green eyes, the hue of summer leaves. “I came back with hopes of finding someone.”

“What, like to marry?” He said in disbelief.

“Well not right away, obviously….” she paused. “But I’m 23, so, eventually yes, I would like to marry someone.” Andrew went quiet at the topic of marriage, and they sat in silence.

After a while, Marsella could feel her heart beating faster as she wrestled with the overwhelming urge to kiss the man next to her. Listening to her body, she rolled over, placing her body on top of his. She ran her hands through his soft black hair, holding him gently as she kissed his lips. His hands were wandering all over her body, running over her back and finally making a resting spot at her back. Marsella had never before kissed like this; only pecks and quick kisses, but this was so nice she didn’t know if she could ever go back to quick pecks. Andrew pulled his head back for a second to make a comment,

“You’re so beautiful, Mars.” Andrew loved the feeling of the weight of her body on his. They remained that way for a while, content with kissing and closeness. After a while, Andrew wanted more; he reached for his belt buckle, caressing her face.

“Wait,” Marsella said breathlessly in between kisses. “I can’t.” Marsella pulled back, sitting up straight. “I like you and all, but we just got together. We should wait.” Andrew picked his head up, reaching for her lips, and she moved forward to meet him halfway. Stopping, she said “I’ve never had sex before.” That fact did not hold any embarrassment for Marsella; it just was, and she didn’t feel any certain way about it.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” They held hands, twirling their fingers around the other’s, getting used to this feeling of closeness between the two. Andrew kissed her again, stopping to say, “We can still kiss, right?” Without answering in words, Marsella answered with her body, rushing forward to kiss him passionately.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
IcyFlame
Review
IcyFlame wrote a review Review · Oct 2, 2020

Hello!

I've had a quick read of chapter one so I thought I'd pop by to give you a review on the second chapter.

It was truly miraculous to Marcella how, among all of these people

I think you've misspelled her name here ;)

“Don’t you think we should talk more? Catch up?” Andrew asked, as Marcella’s eyes widened and she broke into a smile at the sight of a game of beer pong erupting

Also here. This is a bit of a run on sentence too. I would change to 'Andrew asked. Marsella's eyes widened and..' etc.

Andrew was the logical one in this situation, the voice of reason, as the smartest thing to do when getting with someone you hardly know is to get to know them better.

Interesting as he's the one who instigated this and she's already noticed that he's drunk.

With every drink, Marsella felt more and more out of it, although it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; she did not drink often, so this wiped her out easily.

I see Rosewood has caught this one below so I won't comment too much but I think it's a good example of where a run on sentence can cause a bit of confusion!

“Well not right away, obviously….” she paused. “But I’m 23, so, eventually yes, I would like to marry someone.” Andrew went quiet at the topic of marriage, and they sat in silence.

Oh, does this make me old?

Normally I would say this is progressing very fast, but I see that you've marked this as a horror so actually the pacing seems relatively spot on! I'll have to judge based on when the horror starts xD

For now though, that's all from me!

Icy

Thanks for your review!

User avatar
Rosewood
Review
Rosewood wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2020

Much better! This will be a short review because I just couldn't find anything too wrong or in need of correction. The majority will probably just be me lending a helping hand in terms of run-ons.

Andrew walked up the white, sterile stairs out of the pool, pausing on the concrete to reach out a hand to Marsella, helping her up the stairs in a chivalrous manner.


As foretold, this is a run-on. Perhaps, in its place, you could say 'Andrew walked up the white, sterile stairs out of the pool. He paused on the last step to reach out a hand to Marsella, helping her up the stairs in a chivalrous manner.'

Andrew was the logical one in this situation, the voice of reason, as the smartest thing to do when getting with someone you hardly know is to get to know them better.


Another run-on. 'Andrew was the logical one, the voice of reason, and the smart thing to do, what he'd do, is to get to to know each other better.' I wasn't sure about my suggestion, so you may need to reflect on that a little more.

With every drink, Marsella felt more and more out of it, although it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; she did not drink often, so this wiped her out easily.


I'm sure you know what happened here too. 'With every drink, Marsella felt more and more out of it, althought this wasn't necessarily a bad thing - she did not drink often.' or something along those lines.

Well, that was about it! You're description has gotten even better - and that's saying something! Marsella and Andrew are believable as usual, no surprise there. And lastly, I have one question. No, not really, it's a statement. I simply cannot wait for the horror to set in!

Thank you so much! I don't know what it is with the run-on sentences haha. It's like I have no clue that they are there until someone points them out, so thank you!
Also, the horror should be coming soon! I'm just having some trouble with pacing it correctly, because I don't want it to go too fast, but I also don't want it to go too slow.
Anyway, thanks for the review!

I agree! I've had the problem with run-ons too, and it takes me a few times to get the worst out. As for the pacing, I understand your pain. I've never released a book chapter by chapter, (except for that one time, but we don't talk about that), but now that I am, it's a constant struggle.



Bring something incomprehensible into the world!
— Gilles Deleuze