[NEED HELP] Macbeth Witches Description

For an english assessment I have to write a description of the witches and the heath from Macbeth. I have only written about the heath so far and could do with some constructive criticism to improve :) Here goes...

Fog and mist engulfed the barren landscape, leaving it, to the naked eye, as mysterious and infinite as an echo. The deadened heath was as dull as stone and as treacherous as thunder. There was a complete silence, disturbed only by the whistling of the wind or the shuffling of wilted leaves littered upon the dry earth.

On closer inspection, one would come to the horrifying realisation that there was more to this apparently desolate and bare scene than met the eye. In between the split dead tress and limp lifeless flowers lay items of more distress. Pieces of black fabric, torn away after having been caught on thorns, flew with the wind as did the leaves on the ground. Skulls, charms and other such items which seem to encompass all the ideals of a gruesome horror story with a bloody end, lay discarded thoughtlessly around the unsightly surroundings. Animal feathers and skeletons hung from the trees on scarlet ribbons tied elegantly, almost ironically so, with a beautifully executed bow. The perpetrators, and the only human life forms (if you could address such beings as humans) to even attempt staying on the heath for more that was absolutely necessary could now be heard slowly making their way back across the land.

Cheers for your help

Comments & reviews · 3
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ziggiefred
Review

Hello there :)

Now I studied Macbeth like three years ago so from what I remember from this scene, I think you pretty much nailed it. I love the description all to the last detail. It also has some wit if you think about it. I will also commend you for making it your own, it's not an exact replica of the real thing. Well, I won't be much of help because I don't have any constructive criticism. Just to say, I liked it :)

Good luck and keep writing.

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sarebear
Review

Hi Fizza,

Well, not having read Macbeth I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'm happy to give you help on your prose, so here goes!

Fog and mist engulfed the barren landscape, leaving it, to the naked eye, as mysterious and infinite as an echo. The deadened heath was as dull as stone and as treacherous as thunder. There was a complete silence, disturbed only by the whistling of the wind or the shuffling of wilted leaves littered upon the dry earth.#0040FF ">I like this description, especially the bit about the echo. Whistling wind can be overused but the rest of the sentence is extremely effective.

On closer inspection, one would come to the horrifying #FF0000 ">realization that there was more to this apparently desolate #FF0000 ">and bare desolate means bare, and using both is repetitivescene than met the eye. In between the split #FF0000 ">dead #FF0000 ">do you mean trees? and #FF0000 ">limp lifeless flowers lay items of more distress. Pieces of black fabric, torn away after having been caught on thorns, flew with the wind as did the leaves on the ground. Skulls, charms and other such items which seem to encompass all the ideals of a gruesome horror story with a bloody end#FF0000 ">, lay discarded thoughtlessly around the unsightly surroundings. Animal feathers and skeletons hung from the trees on scarlet ribbons tied elegantly, almost ironically so, with a beautifully executed bow. #FF0000 ">What do mean by a bow?The perpetrators, and the only human life forms (if you could address such beings as humans) to even attempt staying on the heath for more that was absolutely necessary could now be heard slowly making their way back across the land.


One more nitpick: In general you have a habit of using more than one describing word in a row--"split dead trees" and "limp lifeless flowers." In school we are taught to be as descriptive as possible. However, when they tell you it's okay to use two adjectives, they mean two different adjectives. For example, if you said the "lifeless pink flowers" or something like that it would give the reader more insight and a better view of your scene. But you don't want to repeat yourself over and over in an attempt at description.

Otherwise, I really liked your style. You did a very nice job of painting a picture in my mind (and that's saying something since I've never read the book and have no idea what a heath is!)

Nice job, I hope you do well on this in class!

Sare



the heart is the best part
— soundofmind