Really Old
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Well hey girl. First I get you on here and now you're posting your own poetry. Don't grow up too fast.
Oh, well you're not half bad. Rhythmic, oriented, flowing, and he'll to sense let grace the entirety of the universe!
But really back down to earth. What precisely areas doing here, between jarring oddity in phrase and tense? What's more your rhyme while not excessive is certainly not cutting it. Ok so awesome, you mean something in the first "stanza" of lines.
Annnd then in the next we get this similar purposely vague display of actions and interactions in the home, and without mentioning the hidden thing we don't know. The "it" and "thing", and let's avoid that little topic again, becomes a pinnacle of your writing. So suddenly how well you wrap up your ending is the determining impact on your entire poem.
I get several feelings as to what this poem is about. And then several questions as to how important your declarative statements are. Would your poem benefit from more imagery? Would you lose your ability to veil the true meaning? Do you have no meaning? Perhaps those questions are as much for my thoughts as they are for the review.
So what drags this down? I can't quite experience the poem. I can't move between your moment and voice. You have more to use here, and it's simply cracked now, both sneering at its unknown qualities and limping in it's lack of broader aesthetic appeal.
This piece is a bit puzzling...I have to agree with Matthews: what exactly are you trying to convey? I mean, the piece is written well, I just don't understand the concept, is all!
Keep it up, though!
Hmm, this is interesting. I'm not sure what you're talking about but it's rather interesting anyway.
K, so I'm sure I would love this if I 'got it'. I just am totally baffled at what you're trying to convey....