Young Writers Society

I can't believe this is only one of your first poems! Your formatting is perfect and your rhyme scheme is great!

I did see that you rhymed some of the same words with themselves, though. If that was on purpose for the whole style of the poem, then great! But maybe you could have used a different word, (with the help of a rhyming dictionary if needed.)

I like all your other rhymes and the different phrases and words you used like "they peel away all of your sane mind" and "you tear so easily at just a measly snare".

The story that I have gathered from this poem is that someone is feeling hurt from people's stares and their unkind words. That person then gets angry at themselves for feeling upset by "empty words" and stares.

My favorite line is the last one. It's the longest line of the poem and says "Mind from broken glass to dust, is blown away from a breeze, blown away from the air of your own breath". This line is my favorite because of the way it's worded and the content. The doubts and uneasy feelings are blown away from the breeze of the person's own breath. I like that the person could still get rid of the bad stuff using their own self and the powers they possess.

Hi there! Still pretty new to reviewing but wanted to read and give some feedback regardless

Firstly, wow! This poem reminds me so much of my own writing, it's like looking into a reflection. (Come to think of it, I think I also have a poem with the same title) This poem has a very strong and clear message of pain, and it ends on a really strong line that perfectly wraps up the poem. While I was reading, I could almost hear the narrator speaking, which is a wonderful thing to achieve in a poem. Even though they are using "you" it's clear the narrator is also speaking about themselves, which is a really nice touch.

Something that has helped me improve my work a lot is reading it out loud. As writers, or more specifically poets, we tend to word-vomit on paper and then get almost afraid to edit it, read it, or think of it again. Of course, I could just be the only one. My point, however, is I think reading the poem aloud will allow you to recognize some places where the flow was interrupted. I noticed lines 3 & 4 both end in "head" and 6 & 7 end in "stares". While normally I would point this out as a problem, and I do think it can be something to watch for, it's evident that the narrator is in a sort of panic state so it can fit here, but perhaps play around with rhyme if you want the ending of those lines to stay cohesive.

Overall, I think your poetry already has such clear messaging, purpose, and emotion placed within it. My main critique involves the flow, word choices, and perhaps sentence structure, but those things definitely do not diminish the tone of the poem. Poetry can be so stylistic so perhaps these "critiques" aren't for you! I would love to see you continue posting your work and growing as a writer.

Much love, Lullaby ♡

i cant believe you are new to poetryyyy whoa

your poem paints a clear picture of someone feeling the weight of judgment from others. thats a relatable experience, but its not cliche. your metaphors & imagery add depth to the emotional turmoil & ive had some powerful images come to mind. some parts of your poem might benefit from more straightforward expression though. abstract language can be a headache.

speaking of that, your poem could benefit from more clarity in the transition between external judgment & internal self blame. keep in mind that metaphors are great, but your message needs to shine the brightest.

this is really thought-provoking. i never thought about the impact of how people are perceived until reading this. consider expanding on that even more if possible. since youre a beginner as well, a suggestion would be to play around with your poetic voice. itll be refined in no time.

envy

Good afternoon firefly! WritersUnlock here with a short review!

So first of all I love how captivating and introspective you poem is, it delves into the effects of constant scrutiny and judgment from others. (Which I often struggle with.)

Also I love how you paint a vivid picture of how relentless attention can erode one's sense of themselves, leaving them feeling exposed and vulnerable. The emotions and vulnerability expressed in the writing make it relatable and all the while thought-provoking.

Another thing is your use of imagery, such as, "tearing and laying you bare with their stares" and "bleed from their empty words," it adds depth and intensity to the poem.

Overall, "Your Eyes," is a powerful and elevated exploration of the impact of judgment and self-doubt.

With much love,

WritersUnlock <3